Ashes to Ashes
by ZoMg1010
Summary: Meet Uchiha Sasuke: a very messed up boy with a very morbid fascination of inflicting pain on others. Sadism, some would call it. Sasuke simply calls it his sweet revenge.../Dark fic/ Chapter five uploaded!
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is **AU**. Therefore, the ninja world does not exist in this world. There will be reference to some military background concerning Konoha, but it will not go into depth. Most of the characters are in High School, however, this is not a HS fic. This story doesn't concern high school or high school drama, but it's more about human nature and the psychological mind. Yes, this is a SasuHina fic, deal with it. If you don't like the pairing and can't resist the urge to flame just because of it, then don't bother. Get a life and get out of here.

**WARNING: **This fic is **DARK**. This fic has child abuse, domestic violence, sadism, violence, sexual content (no lemons), and rape. Not to mention psychotic thoughts. If any of these things bother you, then don't bother reading this. It **WILL **get worse as the story progresses. Also, there will be hints of character bashing...but this is all in Sasuke's POV. He's not a nice guy, so look out for it. Another warning; expect some grammar issues. Yeah, it's not my strongest suit, but I tried my hardest to fix the mistakes that I was able to see.

Had to change rating to Teen. The first two chapters are mild at best, and my friend said that I had to change it until it got bad. This is my first real serious fic, so I'm kind of new at this. I'm playing it safe for now. The rating will change in a few chapters.

* * *

Inimicitiae

**~0000~**

Contrary to popular belief, Uchiha Sasuke didn't find the human race to be completely useless.

Of course, that didn't mean he was _willing _to socialize. He was a quiet person, not shy, but rather had a cynical outlook on life that forced him to find people rather annoying. He would always avoid having a conversation with someone, and if he did have to talk then he would say no more than twenty words—that, or he doesn't talk at all. The only few exceptions to his logic were Naruto (the dobe), Sakura (clingy), Rin (hovering mom), Jiraya (pervert), and Kakashi (pervert number two). The last one didn't really count, since Kakashi was his adoptive father_. _He was _forced _to tolerate his presence (Kakashi would retort that by saying that Sasuke "loves" him…whatever). The other idiots…well…he grew up with them.

Sakura and Naruto were obnoxious, loud, violent and temperamental. How they were able to befriend him was somewhat of a mysterious to this day.

Either way, everybody at school knew he was a quiet person. Those who didn't had tried to make him talk, but failed. Most of those people who had tried were fangirls, who later found him more appealing because of his "mysterious" eyes and "broody" nature. This appeal grew tenfold when Sasuke told them to "fuck off" or to "shut up". He was a blunt person and didn't spare anybody's feelings. It was appealing to those fangirls (for some reason), but the rest of the school population hated him for that. Even school teachers would rather avoid asking him a question in hopes of him not answering then saying how their teaching sucked and that a monkey could teach better than them.

He had gotten in a lot of trouble because of his mouth. He could give a fuck.

Yes, Sasuke was emotional and socially retarded, and he has admitted this plenty of times to Sakura and Naruto. _Their _friends only tolerated him because he never says anything around him. _He _tolerated _them _because they didn't bother him.

Emotionally and socially retarded indeed.

Ah, but that didn't mean he wasn't interested in people; he just didn't like talking to them.

People who knew him (i.e. Naruto, Sakura and Kakashi, Rin, and Jiraya) have known him as a rather observant man (boy…says the pervert number two). Sasuke liked unmasking people with his eyes. Every single movement that they make, Sasuke records it. Every twitch, ever hair flip, and every facial expression shows what the person was actually thinking as to oppose what their mouths were saying.

It was something he picked up from his brother. And it was something he had to do.

(It's a way to find targets, right?)

Naruto has stated multiple times that he was a creeper. The dobe just didn't understand just how important reading people were to him. Without it, how would he know when Kakashi was being serious or when he was laughing (that stupid mask of his)? How would he know that the fangirls only liked him for his body and not for _him_?

More than that, how would be able to keep himself in tact without his thoughtful gaze?

Even now, as he watched Kurenai-sensei talk about some "woe is me" Shakespeare bull crap, he watched the way she moves. Her hand always moved to her stomach, which meant she was either pregnant or sick, but the way she smiled every time she touched it made Sasuke go with the former. Sometimes she tucked her hair behind her ear; she was nervous. She bit her lip whenever she had to pause and her wine eyes start to dart around the room; she was scared. All those subtle movements just told Sasuke that Kurenai had just found out that she was pregnant and she hadn't told the father yet, but she's planning on how to tell him.

Sasuke's onyx eyes dart over to the front of the class where he saw Shikamaru. The lazy genius had his head down, but Uchiha could tell that Shikamaru was anything but relaxed. His shoulders were tense, he kept moving his head, and from where he could see Sasuke saw how tight he pressed his lips together. Either of the two happened; He got in a fight with that bitch, Temari, or he did something to piss his mom off.

He was always complaining about his mom.

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke tapped his pencil against his desk in impatience. He honestly didn't know why he even goes to school. Unlike that Nara, he doesn't mind showing and flaunting how smart he is. Straight A's in all his classes, inherited The Konoha Police Force all to himself _and _he was left with his father's fortune; Uchiha Sasuke is fucking rich. School was a formality. He still needs his high school diploma. Still…there was no need. He could take online classes, but he knew that Kakashi would forbid such an "abomination".

He honestly hated that man.

_Woe is fucking me…_

Sighing loudly, Sasuke decided to entertain himself by reading the people near him. Only…they weren't of any challenge. He had read those people plenty of time in his time of boredom. He knew why every single guy even _bothered _to stay up. He knew why every single girl eyed him sadly (no fucking chance). And he knew why this class was so fucking quiet.

Then, his eyes darted to the right.

A few seats away, he spotted the oh-so-quiet Hyuuga Hinata. Tch, this was new; he didn't know that Hyuuga was in his class. Still, she was a challenge.

That girl was so fucking quiet that Sasuke wouldn't be surprised if she turned out to be mute. But her voiceless mouth wasn't the thing that made her hard to read, body language helped in that department, it was how…_blank _her face was. He was acquainted with her. She was friends with Sakura, so of course he would know who she was, but he never bothered to talk to her because of how utterly _fake _she was.

She was a two-face mute.

Don't get him wrong, he had seen her smile. He had seen her laugh, and nod at the right time during conversations. But there was something so utterly wrong with that picture; her eyes were always lifeless. No one ever noticed, but being the man who he was, he did. Hyuuga was terrific at hiding her true emotions—or lack thereof—, he'd give her that much, but he never bothered to read her thoroughly 'cause the girl got on his nerve.

She had everything that he didn't; a family, parental love, siblings, and the life he was supposed to have. Not only that, but her blank eyes got to him as well. That expression of hers was too familiar for comfort.

Sure, she was tolerable, but it didn't mean that he was willing to befriend her—much to the annoyance of Naruto—. She could burn in hell and he still wouldn't give a damn.

But, _fuck was he bored_!

His dark eyes started to roam around her face. It was blank (no surprise). She wasn't even staring at Kurenai, she was just. Staring. Her white eyes were foggy and lifeless. Her soft features were dull and dead. Her body language was a different story. She was incredibly tense; almost as if he poked her it would hurt his finger. Her tiny hands were clenched into tight fist on top of her desk. Sasuke was able to see how they trembled. Either she was scared or angry, but this was Hyuuga Hinata. He didn't know a lot about the girl, but the one thing he did know was that she never got mad at anybody.

So this revelation brought on a new question; who or what was she scared of?

As soon as he thought that question the bell rung. Sasuke watched as Hyuuga shot up from her desk, almost knocking the chair over, in surprise. Her lifeless eyes darted around the room, then he saw something that surprised him; her white eyes began to water. The white eyes that were practically dead looked as they were diamonds shining in the sun. She blinked back the unshed tears, and just like that, the flicker of life disappeared altogether. Sasuke didn't even bother to hide his staring from her as he watched the small girl shove her books into her bag and once that task was done, she literally _ran _out of the room.

Sasuke blinked a few times before getting up as well, leaving the room with unwanted faces invading his mind.

**~0000~**

_His brother never smiled, Sasuke noticed._

_The only time he ever did smile was when he played with him, but still…even then his lips were tight and forced. There was nothing sincere about them. His eyes, though, they did smile. The onyx color sparkled in delight as he played hide-and-seek with him. It must have been boring playing a kid's game, but he said he didn't mind._

_Sasuke remembered how he used to say how much he loved him. The little Uchiha was the best thing in his life and he'd do anything for him. Yet, as he said that, even though his words were sincere…_

_Neither his lips nor his eyes smiled._

**~0000~**

Sasuke entered his house (home). He quietly closed the door behind him in hopes of not alerting the former black ops soldier, because that man just _loved _to annoy him.

Slipping off his shoes, Sasuke went towards the kitchen. He left his black book bag on the kitchen table and sat down. He wasn't hungry, he never was when he came home, but always did his homework to keep his mind off of a few things.

His mind was on something different than usual; Hyuuga Hinata.

After his observations he always let them go, since they were things of the moment. Sasuke was a passive person—Kakashi and Naruto would say otherwise—so he didn't understand why his mind was on that damn Hyuuga. He was just bored. Just. _Fucking_. _Bored_. Hell, he didn't _want _to look at her, but his mistake, he did! Now all he could see were those lifeless white fucking eyes! It was infuriating!

Some would say that he was worried, of course, those people would be dead wrong. He..he was interested; nothing more. But he didn't want to be. So, he would ignore these feelings and just forget he even glanced her way.

_How the hell haven't I ever notice she was in my Lit. Class!?_

Fuck, okay, he wouldn't let this go. That girl had managed to slip past his steady gaze for so damn long, long enough to make him think nothing of her for years. He _looked _at people, that was his fucking hobby and he was fucking good at it, too. That girl indirectly challenged him! Her stupid passive attitude. Her stupid mute mouth. Her stupid silent steps. They were all so fucking annoying. She was just…she made herself into a perfect wallflower.

No wonder she was so damn quiet. She didn't _want _to be noticed. Why though? Girls were supposed to love attention, right?

Fuck, he was thinking too much about his. He needed to think about something different. Like boobs? No, that was too Kakashi like. Ramen? Fuck no! Okay…food.

Yeah…food.

More specifically, tomatoes…

…shit…was he drooling?

Sasuke wiped his mouth, frowning when he felt the wet substance on his hand. He hated spit.

"Heh, what's with the face?"

Sasuke frowned at Kakahi's lazy posture leaning against the kitchen table. He discreetly wiped his hand on his pants as he eyed the gray-haired man before him.

Scowling at him, he said, "Make me spaghetti."

The former soldier raised an eyebrow at his command. "Foreign food?" He asked. "What's with the sudden change of diet?"

Sasuke didn't blame him for being suspicious; he rarely ate anything besides small amount of rice, fish, tomatoes and the likes. He had never told his guardian—nor had the so called "prodigy" notice—about his infatuation with the red fruit—_fruit_, they're _fruit, _damnit!—. Even after ten years of living with him he had always hidden it well. He just might be stupid though, because, honestly, how does one miss the dozen of tomatoes in lying in the fridge?

That need of tomatoes had always been dealt with at school. Sakura always had any kind of tomato related food for him. Sometimes he thanked God for her stupid (fake) crush.

"Anyway," Kakashi shrugged, "I'm not your maid, make it yourself."

"Hn."

In Kakashi's mind, that "Hn" meant, "Fuck you."

"I expect more respect from you, Sasuke-kun." The scarecrow wasn't being serious, but saying something like that while reading that stupid porn and using _kun _irked the raven haired boy.

Sasuke rolled his eyes at the older man, but paid no further attention to him. Instead his focus went back to the Hyuuga girl. He suddenly remembered that she had an older cousin…Neji? He was an upper class man and already graduated. He was a genius, a Hyuuga prodigy that belonged to the branch house of the Hyuuga family. That branch was made sorely to serve the main house, like Hinata. How he was able to do that without any hint of malice was beyond Sasuke. The guy had huge potential. If Sasuke's sources were correct, Neji moved far away from Konoha with his girlfriend. Heh, he had almost forgotten about that arrogant bastard.

But Uchiha remember something about him that kind of bothered Sasuke. He overlooked it at that time, but looking at Hinata, that face brought back thoughts that were supposed to be locked away.

Those hard eyes betrayed almost nothing. Annoyance and a brief of life flared when he was around his friend, Lee. Another emotion made his stone like features turn into a puddle of goo when he spent time with that weapons specialist girl. However, that one flicker of emotion etched slowly upon his face, something Sasuke never thought possible would grace the nearly stoic Hyuuga. Fear.

His face was tense, as well as his body, and Sasuke remembered seeing a bit of sweat shine on his forehead. What surprised him was the person he was talking to.

Uchiha Sasuke wasn't a stalker, nor did he even bother to hide his obvious presence from the two men at the time. He was just walking out of the school when he saw them and he would have just past by if it hadn't been for the subtle fear on Neji's face. It only lasted a few seconds before he began walking and passed by Neji. Sasuke looked over his shoulder to look at the man he was talking to.

The person was Hyuuga Hiashi, a big time company owner that practically ruled all of Konoha.

Still, why would Neji fear his own family? Why did Hinata have the same expression when he saw her just about to leave the class?

"Kakashi," Sasuke didn't even notice how soft and thoughtful his voice sounded, but the older man did.

Slowly, almost cautiously, Kakashi sat across Sasuke. His single eye scrutinized him, something the young Uchiha had gotten used to over the years.

"What is it?"

Sasuke's eyes met Kakahi's own dark one. "What do you know of Hyuuga Hiashi." It wasn't request to quench his curiosity, it was a demand.

The ex-soldier went back to reading his book. "He owns a company, so he's rich. He has two kids and he's old. Oh, and he's fucking rich."

Sasuke tapped his finger against the table in contained anger. He knew his guardian was keeping something from him; his alert posture and blank eyes told him he wasn't paying attention to his stupid book at all. He. Was. Cautious. He was hiding something and Uchiha didn't like being fooled.

Sasuke grunted, grabbed his bag and got up from his chair. When Kakashi eyed him the younger man's face held nothing, but he made sure his eyes told the older one how much anger he was feeling at the moment. Kakashi crinkled his eye, smiling beneath his mask, only to further annoy Uchiha.

"Tch."

Sasuke walked out of the kitchen, making a silent vow to not only make Kakashi pay for patronizing him, but to figure out why both the Hyuuga cousins feared the man that raised them—he assumed—.

Secretly, Sasuke already knew what was going on. He knew, but he wanted an excuse to confront the dead girl. She looked so much like _him_. Something inside him—something familiar and not so friendly—demanded to be unleashed.

He found his new target.

**~0000~**

_Sasuke's father hated him. Him and his brother._

_ Father was a mean man. He looked at Sasuke as if he was scum. He looked at his brother as if he was a tool and nothing more. There was no love in his eyes, and there weren't any love in those callous hands. They hurt him. They had left bruises on his tiny arms. Scratches on his chubby cheeks were left unnoticed by a lot people, or ignored. Who would want to anger the Head of the Konoha Police Force?_

_People ignored the marks on his body, but that man knew other ways to break the little Uchiha that didn't leave any physical mark._

_He said to the little boy how useless he was compared to his brother; how he'll never live up to his expectations. His tou-san thought him lower than dirt because he wasn't a useful tool like his nii-san. And because of that, Sasuke resented nii-san._

_Because of him tou-san would continue to hurt him._

**~0000~**

The next day, Sasuke walked into the school…more like stomped in, what with the annoying blonde nagging him beside him, he had a right to be fairly annoyed. Yapping away like there was no tomorrow—shit, how could he be so fucking hyper in the damn morning?!

Naruto was talking about how he should be nicer to Sakura. But he was barley paying attention; his onyx eyes sought out something completely different from the pink haired girl. His eyes searched for white eyes, and long indigo hair.

"Ya know bastard, you should ask Sakura-chan out. She'll be happy if you gave her a chance, 'ttebayo."

Sasuke barely stopped the urge to roll his eyes at the idiocy of Naruto's words. Something like that would never happen. Sakura was the only tolerable female he hung out with…the _only _female at that. Her crush was annoying, sure, but he actually liked her personality when she wasn't all over him. She was a perfect match for the dobe walking with him; she just didn't want to realize it.

"No."

The blonde sighed. "Why are you so hard-headed?"

"Why won't you shut up?" Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek after that remark. He was frustrated and he let it show.

"Eh, what's wrong with you, bastard?" Naruto stepped in front of him, walking backwards towards their locker with his hands locked behind his head.

"Nothing."

His blue eyes softened. "Had a rough night?"

Sasuke scowled, but didn't bother hiding the truth from the dobe. He might be an idiot (an oblivious idiot), but he could be so damn perspective when he wanted to be. Besides, they knew each other so well they both knew what haunted their sleep at night, but unlike Naruto, his nightmares were on an almost daily basis. The one from last night just brought some memories he wanted to keep locked away in his mind forever.

His subconscious had other plans.

"Hn," he grunted, nodding slowly. "I'll tell you later." Sasuke said before Naruto could offer.

Uzumaki eyed him before smiling brightly, walking beside him once again.

They both had a silent agreement that started a few months after they befriended each other. Both their adoptive fathers knew each other and often let the two have sleepovers. Both had learned that they suffered from nightmares and both learned to deal with it by entrusting in each other.

Speaking of which.

"Naruto."

Said blonde eyed him. "What, teme?"

"What do you know of that Hyuuga girl?"

"Eh? Hinata?" Sasuke nodded.

"I don't know," Naruto absently scratched the whisker scars on his face. "She's really quiet, dattebayo, so I don't know much about her." He smiled at Sasuke. "But she's really nice. Her presence is very calming—oh, and her cooking is awesome!"

Nothing besides what he already knew.

A sly grin suddenly appeared on the blonde's face. "Why? Do you like her?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Sasuke glared ahead of him. "She annoys me."

Sasuke didn't notice, but Naruto narrowed his blue eyes at the moody Uchiha. "How can you say that, bastard? You don't even know her."

Uchiha didn't say anything to defend himself. He just let the blonde go on with his tantrum. Yet, while his friend was spouting out crap, Naruto knew better than to further question Sasuke. He might be his friend, but that bastard always did things that could possibly hurt others for his own amusement, and nothing he did would stop his broody friend. He was interested in Hinata, and he didn't like it…

…but…

Naruto would allow Sasuke that freedom. He couldn't protect Hinata, at least not emotionally, because that duck-head would just find other ways to get to his shy friend. So, if it meant protecting her from at least the biggest emotional scar than from just a few tears, he'll allow it.

**~0000~**

_Sasuke was never known to never worry over people, _especially _when that person was dobe…but…whether he was willing to admit it or not, Naruto had become his best friend. His personality was Sasuke's anchor. He fed off of that positive attitude and loud voice to stray his thoughts from going to dangerous places._

_He didn't know Naruto had nightmares._

_It was surprising, scary even. His wide eyes watched in morbid fascination at his friend's tears of pain rolling down those cheeks. It didn't feel real at all…Naruto was supposed to be the cheerful one. He was the one that was supposed to fight with Sasuke in that overly loud voice. He didn't have anything to fear. Apparently even Uzumaki Naruto had skeletons in his closet._

_When his friend screamed, that was when he reacted. Sasuke got up from his side of the bed and slapped the blonde boy repeatedly until he woke up. Those cerulean eyes were dull when they opened, unlike Sasuke's when he woke up from his. He looked…lifeless. He didn't like it._

_The silence that stretched for what seemed like hours only worsened the feeling. Usually, when Naruto talked, the only thing he wanted was for the idiot to shut up. This silence was deadly. It wasn't comfortable, it wasn't awkward, it was just was dead silent. It was as if he so much as breathed the world would shatter to pieces._

_Slowly, Naruto glanced at him, but his eyes went back to staring at the ceiling. "Sorry," he muttered, making Sasuke winced. His friend's soft mummer never seemed so loud._

_Again, silence, but it wasn't that earlier silence. This time it was more awkward. It was a relief, but Sasuke had to say something. He had to tell Naruto that he understood him…very much so._

_"I…have nightmares too." _

_Those big blue eyes landed on him once again. Hidden beneath those cold indifferent eyes, Sasuke saw the relief in them. The dark haired boy almost smiled._

_"I dream," Naruto paused, before saying: "I dream of the people that took care of me—at the orphanage, I mean. They…they hit me…a lot." Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "They called me a demon, I don't know why, but it hurt, 'ttebayo. The kids hated me because of them."_

_The younger boy took a deep breath, and then sat up to face Sasuke. "In my dream the nuns—the nuns had…" his nose scrunched up "They had ugly dog faces. They scratched me and the other kids laughed at me. But…" he stopped, glancing at Sasuke wearily._

_"What else?"_

_Hearing the encouragement in Uchiha's voice, Naruto continued, "I dream of…of killing them," a pause "I laugh. I…" Sasuke didn't say anything to encourage his friend, but he knew what he was going to say next: "I hate them."_

_And suddenly, Sasuke didn't feel so alone anymore._

**~0000~**

For the last month, Sasuke watched her. He studied her movements and her actions. It was annoying. His interest in the human species had never been this strong. That urge to uncover her true face was practically something he thought of every single minute of each day. He didn't understand it, but he hated her for it.

But he couldn't stop. Every time he studied her he found new things that kept his interest. The biggest thing that caught his interest was her fear of men. It was subtle; barely there. His sharp eyes caught it though.

She shrunk into herself whenever someone, specifically a guy, approached her. Her small lips were forced into a smile when they talked to her. When an intimidating looking guy walked by her, her eye ghost-like eyes landed on the floor. When Sasuke hung out with Naruto and Sakura's friends he always noticed how rigid and blank she looked. She only talked with the girls.

But she had a crush on the dobe. Her white eyes seemed more alive when they landed on him and her usually white cheeks turned red as a tomato when he acknowledged her. But they panicked when he or another guy approached her. She stuttered more than usual when some of the guys talked to her and flinches when one of them did so much as accidentally brushed their shoulders against hers.

When not around anyone she went back into being that living statue. For some reason it annoyed him. For some reason her fear made him angry (amused). For some reason he wanted to confront her.

(No, you know why. You want to destroy her. You want to make her suffer. She's so much like—)

And he did just that.

While he was observing her, he noticed how she never sat in the lunchroom during their lunch break, nor did he ever see her outside. It was only when he asked Sakura where she was did he found how absolutely pathetic that girl was.

"Huh? Hinata-chan?" Sakura eyed him wearily. "Why would you want to know where she is?"

Her jealously was annoying, but not as annoying as denying her feelings for Naruto.

Shoving his fists into his pockets, Sasuke glared at his female friend. "That's none of your business."

"Sasuke-ku—"

"Where does she go?"

Sakura blinked at his hard voice, but complied with his question, "She eats at the roof."

Che, Hyuuga was so completely pathetic. She avoids human contact like a plague.

Nodding his thanks to Sakura, Sasuke made his way towards the coward.

**~0000~**

_Kakashi scared him. He always hid beneath that mask of his. His single eye was the only thing visible but showed him absolutely nothing. It was blank. Little Sasuke hated not knowing what others were thinking. It made him feel powerless._

_His nii-san worked with this man. They were friends. Sasuke hated his brother…_

_Therefore this man before him couldn't be trusted as well. He might be just like nii-san._

_But he was taking care of him now. He had a new life…a new father. Sasuke scowled. Fathers were worthless. They did nothing but hurt him. He wanted kaa-san. Kaa-san was the only thing that protected him from tou-san. But she was gone, just like everybody else._

_This man would just bring in more pain, and this time, no one would protect him. He hated Kakashi. He hated him!_

_But he was very terrified of him._

_He must have sensed that fear radiating off of him, because as they made their way to his living room the older man stopped walking. Sasuke, startled, stopped as well but kept his head down. He didn't want to look at his eye. The other one was always hidden; he could be hiding something horrible._

_His mask hid his face. No doubt he was bucktooth. Thinking that, Sasuke muffled his giggle against his arm._

_Kakashi looked over his shoulder. "What's so funny?"_

_The little boy stopped his laughter. In his mind, the next thing he expected was a back hand to the face. But that didn't happen: a large hand came towards him. Sasuke flinched, but the pain never came. That hand landed on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. Surprised, and a bit suspicious, Sasuke finally made eye contact with his new guardian. He immediately shrugged him off when he noticed they way the older man scrutinized him. _

_"Don't do that."_

_The black ops soldier tilted his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"_

_Sasuke swallowed hard. The tiny hands gripping his back bag straps tightened to the point of pain, but he was numb at that moment. He was used to this. He was used to the physical pain. He shouldn't have hoped differently from his nii-san's friend._

_"Tou-san," he felt bile of puke build up, but he forcibly swallowed it down. "Tou-san used to look at me like that before he hurt me."_

_His voice sounded tired, even to his own ears. But the hatred he felt for his father ran deep in his veins. It was hot and almost painful…But he was tired of all of this pain. If the world didn't want him, then he would let this man take him out._

_He was just…so tired._

_Again, that gloved hand went for his face. Closing his eyes, Sasuke braced himself for the upcoming pain. However, when he felt a soft pressure on top of his head, the little boy's onyx eyes widen. He looked at the man and silently asked why. Why wasn't he hurting him? He was being rude; he knew that he wanted to inflict harm. It was natural! Tou-san did it all the time!_

_Sasuke opened his mouth, but closed it shut when the man ruffled his already untamed hair._

_"You're safe now," he said. His tone was gentle. "I won't let anything happen to you from now on."_

_Uchiha swallowed again, this time from the knot in this throat. "Why?" _

_Why was this kind of affection given to him? Why did he treat him like this? Why did he save him? Why didn't he hurt him? Why did he look at him as if he understood the exact kind of pain he was going through? Why was his attitude scaring Sasuke? Why couldn't he hate Sasuke for ruining his life? It would be easier, wouldn't?_

_So whywhywhywhy!?_

_Noticing the inner turmoil going on in the little boy, Kakashi once again ruffled his hair. Sasuke's attention snapped back to his adoptive father, tears blurring his vision. He roughly wiped them off on his sleeve and glared up at the man._

_"Why?" he repeated, both ignoring the way his voice cracked._

_His one visible eye smiled at him. "We're alike."_

**~0000~**

When he opened the rooftop door he felt himself sweat from the summer heat. How in the world did something as pale as her stay out in this heat was beyond him.

That didn't matter; he had to confront her. He didn't even know why. All he knew was that he was annoyed and he had to take it out on someone; more specifically the person he hated. Lately he hadn't much sleep, which left him even moodier. The Hyuuga was a perfect target. Was he going to feed her fear by doing this? Maybe. Did he care? No.

He hated her. He hated his sleepless nights. He hated the memories that haunted him. He hated everything, but she'll be his punching bag. He'll hurt her—make her cry. It'll make him feel better.

Sasuke closed the door behind him and began the search for the indigo haired girl. It didn't take long to find her; she was standing at the far right corner of the rooftop railings, just looking down below her. For a second Sasuke thought she was going to jump, but the happy, shy smile on her face wiped that thought away.

He was a sadist. He had to be. Why else would he enjoy tearing that stupid grin to shreds? He wanted to see tears.

A sadist. A cold heartless bastard. Someone not worthy of this stupid world. Just like his father.

Like tou-san….

….a monster.

_Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't fucking think about it!_

Feeling angrier (scared) by the second, Sasuke took a deep breath when he felt that rising panic threatening to explode out of his mouth. It happened. He was used to it. But it scared him more than anything. Anger though, it was comforting, because anger was never in the eyes of that man nor his brother.

Tou-san thought nothing him.

Nii-san loved him.

Neither felt anger.

It separated him from them. But the pain he was feeling at the comparison brought him to a new edge. He was getting closer and closer into becoming the same man his father was. He didn't want it. Torturing Hyuuga would get rid of all these feelings. That was why he was at the rooftop in the first place. He wanted her alone. He wanted to scare her. He wanted her to feel pain. She had everything. She was the same as _him_. She was pathetic.

(You ignore the fact that what you're doing was just so _wrong_. Tou-san did it to kaa-san! He hurt her to make himself feel better. You're a monster just like him. So wrong. It's sick!)

Sasuke ignored the raging emotions going on in his mind. He hated how uncontrollable he was at the moment. His face was blank, inside he felt like hell was having a fucking angry rave. All because he couldn't stand this excruciating pain anymore and he _had _to take it out on someone.

Uchiha stopped behind the girl, tilting his head to the side. He ignored the way his mouth stretched into a smirk. "Hyuuga."

At the sound of his voice, the small girl practically jumped out of her skin. Muffling a scream into her hand, she quickly turned to face him. Sasuke saw the fear in her eyes before going into that state of being half-dead. But he noticed how she was quivering. Was it because he scared her? Was it because he was too close for comfort? Was because she was just naturally scared of him because he was a guy? Maybe it was all three. He didn't care either way. This timid creature, he decided, really was the perfect punching bag.

She didn't seem like the type to blab. She was, after all, practically mute. He would enjoy not hearing a complaint from his friends or those other kids. He didn't care what they thought, but he didn't want them nagging him either.

"U-U-Uchiha-san, wh…what a-are you doing here?"

Her stutter…It was annoying.

"You're Androphobic," he deadpanned, though amusement was hidden beneath those dark eyes when he watched the Hyuuga flinched.

Her eyes, which he noticed had a lavender tint, looked down at the floor. She was fidgeting. "W-w-what m-makes you think that?"

He snorted. Sasuke was almost tempted to yell at her. Did she think he was stupid? Did she not know how condescending she sounded?

"Don't insult my intelligence, Hyuuga." He leaned closer to her, smirk growing bigger when her breathing began to become unsteady. "I hate you." Tears were starting to form in her eyes. He didn't care. "For some fucking reason, I can't keep my mind off you. I see you and I keep seeing his face."

There he said it, the biggest reason he couldn't stand her was because…she reminded Sasuke of _him_. It was the same look he got whenever they finished playing. Nii-san never wanted to go home; he was scared. Her dead face was like his as well. It was...painful to look at.

"You bring unwanted memories back. Those things were supposed to be kept hidden in my mind—"

"R-R-R-R-Rep-pressed m-memories," she swallowed audibly. "I-I h-have them too."

His dark eyes blazed with outward hatred. "Shut up. What do you know, anyway?"

(Only that she's going through the same thing. You have seen the bruises on her neck, hidden beneath her hair—)

Shut up! He wouldn't—couldn't dwell on it! This was for him. This was for his revenge. He couldn't feel guilt.

"Why are you scared of men?" His voice was surprisingly gently, but that was just a cruel cover up for the dark intentions he was hiding. He knew it. Hinata it. "Did you watch your mother get beat up by your father? Were you hurt by him? Does he rape you? Does he beat _you_?"

The tears were coming out now, because they both knew that all those things he said were true. "Please…please stop."

"Poor little Hyuuga. She can't even get through life without being so pathetically weak. Tell me, Hinata," her shut eyes when he said her name, "have you ever contemplated suicide? You would be free. Away from him and away from all that pain."

Her meek eyes turned deadly, surprising him, and met his own pair. "I-I have a sister to protect." Her eyes softened, but that fear didn't ebb away. "H-Have you…ever thought of s-s-suicide?"

Sasuke roughly grabbed onto her cheek, trapping her body against his in the corner, and sent her the deadliest glare. "You know nothing." His voice was surprisingly calm, despite the rage roaring in him, but he saw the way her eyes widen and took pleasure in it. "Don't you dare compare yourself with me. You're weak. You're beneath me."

He hated her! He hatedhatedhatedhated her! She was so much like _him_. The way she got defensive because of the simple thought of her sister was so like _him_. She was insightful, like him as well. He knew what Sasuke was thinking all the time. He knew what he felt what and when he lied.

It wasn't fair!

He wanted to hurt her. He wanted to feel better. The more he spent time with her the more his barely intact subconscious began to crack. It was just like _him_ to be able to break him down so damn easily.

She was sobbing now, barely controlling her breathing. He knew her secret. He knew what she hid beneath those bands on her wrist. He'll show her how he's _nothing _like her.

Using his free hand, Sasuke grabbed onto one of her forearms and raised it to their eye level. He ignored the way her skin felt and how warm it was to the touch as he lowered the black sweat band. He saw the ugly red scars slashed all over the pale skin and smirked.

_'You're nothing like your brother, Sasuke. You are weak. You are useless.'_

"Give up already Hyuuga. This just shows how weak you are. You're _useless_."

He said it; those words that have been etched into his brain since he was a kid. It felt good to say out loud, lashing it out on someone who was worse than he was. Worse, like nii-san.

The startled gasp that escaped her mouth sounded familiar. Those fearful eyes turned into a pool of misery. An image of his mother crying in her sleep popped into his mind, but Sasuke shook that image away. He felt better. Nothing would ruin it.

Smiling, teeth and all, Sasuke finally stepped back from her personal bubble. Her small body crumpled onto the concrete floor. Hard and loud sobs wrecked out of her mouth, making her breathing coming out in short, rasp, small breaths. She was having a panic attack.

Sasuke turned away from her and walked away. He didn't care.

He didn't.

He opened the metal door leading into the school and closed the door behind him. From behind the metal, he heard a heart wrenching wail, piercing his ears. He didn't care though.

_She sounds like kaa-san._

(You're just like him.)

But he didn't care.

* * *

AN: So, yeah. That was the first chapter. I hope no one hates me after this. But like I said, all the things I mention at the top will only get worse as each chapter passes by.

Please review and/or leave constructive criticism.

Disclaimer: Naruto and the characters are all property of Masashi Kishimoto. I'm not getting paid for this and all that bullcrap.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Bleh, I'm not a huge fan of this chapter. So yeah, this chapter is actually really light and has bits of fluff compared to the rest of the chapters. Expect some OOC concerning Sasuke...I tried my best to keep him in character for this chapter, but it was really damn hard for some reason. Btw, this whole chapter was actually supposed to CHAPTERS long, but I decided to edit and cut most of it off, because well, to be honest...the first draft was pretty boring. So the friendship might be a little rushed, but the later chapters make up for it, I promise. Besides, this story is only supposed to be an eight chapter story.

Concerning Hiashi and Fugaku, I am, by no means, bashing them. I wanted to point that out since my friend said some people might find it offensive. Those two men have caused some of the biggest issues to their kids cannon wise, and I just wanted to make it little worse.

Thank you all who have read and/or reviewed! Or followed and/or faved. The rating will change the next chapter.

[#]= Notes at end of chapter.

* * *

...

Peregrinus

...

* * *

He avoided her for the next two months. In turn, she would avoid eye contact with him. Hell, she never even bothered to look his way. And she barely talked to anyone.

The first week was the worst. The girl was fucking terrified of him and every other boy that came near her. And if that wasn't enough, the bruise on her cheek left by his callous finger was painful to look at. Sasuke could even admit that he had been a little rough with her, but she pissed him off. Her excuse to the bruise was equally painful; she and her sister were playing a little too roughly. It was damn stupid how everybody seemed to buy that lie.

Sakura and Naruto knew what was going on. They knew that he had wanted to break her down. They did nothing though. It had happened before. Sasuke wasn't a normal person; he enjoyed feelings others' pain and if he didn't get that dosage he would break. Naruto was there for him, but even he couldn't stop the thoughts running through his head.

Sakura and Naruto disapproved, but what else could they do? Sasuke would just find a worse way to bring pain. He did something disgusting, he knew, but his mind was clear for awhile. He barely thought of those memories, nor did the nightmares come as often. He was at peace…for a few weeks.

He could do it again; make her hurt. She continued going to the roof, so what was stopping him?

(Kaa-san always smiled at you through her agony. Her tears and blood were but forgotten, but those screams had scarred you, right. You would never forget them.)

Right.

His mom looked and sounded just like that when his father did horrible things to her.

He hated Hyuuga even more for it.

Hyuuga was like nii-san. That was why he targeted her in the first place; to take his anger on the image that reminded him of that bastard. She wasn't like kaa-san. Kaa-san smiled at him—a real smile. It made him feel happy. He forgot about his father and brother whenever he spent time with his mother. He would do anything for her. She protected him! Hyuuga was not like her!

(She protects her sister, doesn't she? Why else would she have so many marks on her? She, who, like your mother, put out the claws when someone tried to hurt someone important to her. She was like both)

No, she couldn't be both. Kaa-san and nii-san were two entirely different people. One loved and the other was cold.

(No, your brother protected you, too—)

"Shut up." The Uchiha ran a hand through his hair.

He sat on his bed; staring ahead of him through the darkness, looking at nothing—wishing he could just fucking forget everything. The older he got, the more he realized how truly pathetic his life—his family—was. The nightmares were proof of that. His kaa-san had failed him…but she did the best that she could.

(No, she didn't.)

"Shut up," he repeated, both hands squeezing his head. As if those thoughts would just magically disappear. "Shut up. Shut up—"

(She could have saved you both. She was to blame for what ha—)

"Shut up!" he whispered harshly.

(Your brother did what he could. Your father was a greedy bastard. Your mother was weak minded. And you…)

"Shut. Up!"

(You grew up to be worse than all of them)

**0000**

_Him…that boy talked like his brother._

_Misaki._

_Sasuke eyed him. Sized him up and determined the best way to approach him._

_The brown-haired boy didn't like people; he was antisocial. He never smiled and always spoke in the most polite way. It was condescending. It was as if he was better than everybody. Sasuke hated him. He really did. What he did like, though, was that the boy was terrified of the dark. The teacher always allowed him to be near the lamp during nap time. Inwardly, little Sasuke smirked. He knew what he had to do._

_It took time though, but when the teacher asked Sasuke to take the boy to the nurse, he jumped at the opportunity. Naruto and Sakura knew what was going to happen, but didn't say anything. Sasuke would break and no one wanted that to ever happen again._

_During the walk toward the nurse, Misaki had to go to the bathroom. Sasuke thought that things couldn't get any better. He went with him. He waited for him to be done. When the boy wanted to step out, Sasuke closed the door and blocked his way. The intelligent brown eyes frowned at Sasuke, but he would take that look off his face and replace it with something more amusing._

_Slowly, Sasuke reached for the light switch…and turned it off. Misaki's shallow breathing was funny. _

_Sasuke turned it back on, and looking at the other boy's face he realized that he was literally petrified. He couldn't move; his eyes were the size of saucers and the tears flowing out of his eyes made Sasuke want to laugh._

_So, he turned the lights off._

_He covered the boy's mouth when that sharp cry broke through his lips._

**0000_  
_**

He went to the roof a week after his restless night.

He wanted to say it was because he wanted to hurt her, but then he kept thinking of his mom when he heard Hinata scream. It would be completely fucked up if he did it again. Maybe if he just stayed near her and fed her fear then he would be somewhat satisfied. Honestly, he didn't know why that girl just kept fucking with his head.

He hated her, but he couldn't hurt her.

Scaring her would be completely different than leaving her emotionally drained. She just wouldn't be a punching bag anymore. It pissed Sasuke off, but she was the closest thing he had to an outlet, so he would go to her.

When he was outside the school he immediately spotted her. Hyuuga was sitting in the same corner. This time she was sitting on the floor, eating her lunch. Her lavender eyes landed on him. She stiffened considerably, but made no other movement. Her face was once again blank.

She expected him to hurt her.

(Just like your mother)

He didn't speak and sat next to her. Hinata tried to move away but Sasuke grabbed onto her covered wrist. When he felt it was safe enough, he let go. He wanted to at least scare her. What better way than having her near the epitome of the very thing she feared?

Neither spoke. One looked up at the sky with a blank dark gaze. One looked down at her food, quietly eating and desperately trying to put distance between them. The frustrated one always stopped her, and after a while the frightened one stopped moving altogether. That didn't mean she was comfortable, far from it. While she was uncomfortable, the dark haired one leaned his head against the rail and closed his eyes.

He felt…

He wanted to feel satisfied. That wasn't the emotion he was feeling. He felt…relaxed. It was practically a foreign emotion to him; he rarely let his guard down enough to the point where he felt comfortable enough to expose himself like he was now. But hell, what could she do? That burning hatred he felt for her was still there; it wasn't quenched, but he couldn't do anything about it. If he hurt her, then he disrespected his dead mother. It was irritating.

Still, the silence, for the most part, was comfortable. He liked it. She wasn't loud. She was warm. She bothered him, but not in the annoying way those fangirls did. He could actually close his eyes without worrying whether or not someone would try to rape him[1]. He didn't like that it was around this girl, but the feeling was pleasurable nonetheless.

Sasuke heard a rustle of movement. He opened his eyes and glanced at her. Hinata was staring at him, and wasn't shameful that he caught her, but it bothered him. She was blank…a little too blank. It was the same blankness she had that first annoyed him. Like the same face his nii-san always had. Her face, not even her eyes, held nothing and it made so damn hard for him to read her. He wanted to hurt her so badly, but no, he would just make her more uncomfortable.

"Your father is Hyuuga Hiashi, right?" Hinata blinked, but nodded. "He beats you." It wasn't a question.

Hinata ducked her head avoiding eye contact with him. "Y-You k-know, so wh-why repeat i-it?"

Sasuke didn't answer. He scrutinized her catching the multiple finger bruises on her forearm that was usually covered by that large sweater of hers. He moved her hair from her neck—her breath caught in her throat, but he ignored it. With his other hand he touched each fading bruise.

(They look familiar, don't they?)

Realizing that she was turning blue, he stopped, but when his dark gaze moved downwards he caught a green bruise on her lower thigh. Her skirt must have hitched up.

Without shame, Sasuke grabbed onto the skirt and tried to move it upward, but her small hand grabbed onto his rather roughly. For some reason his skin felt all warm and tingly, it wasn't a bad feeling, but it was uncomfortable all the same.

His eyes snapped at her face, but it was hidden behind her hair. "P-P…please…s-s-stop." She was crying.

He stopped bothering her for the rest of the lunch break.

**0000**

_Sasuke wasn't sure whether he wanted to punch Kakashi repeatedly across the face, or just kill him. His eight year old mind was aware that his adoptive father was much bigger than him and had military training, but he was mad. More than mad; he was furious._

_He didn't need a psychiatrist[2] . He was perfectly sane thankyouverymuch! _

_Rin, Kakashi's girlfriend, didn't want him to go either, saying how that would corrupt him and make him angrier. She understood, but Kakashi was a stubborn man. It was ridiculous._

_The therapist, Morino Ibiki, was a very intimidating person. Kakashi said that he was trained in psychology to help the soldiers to with deal the hardships they experienced and he was a highly trained interrogator even for his age. Sasuke didn't like him. He asked too many questions. He already dealt with enough therapists in his life._

_"Uchiha—"_

_"My name is Sasuke." said boy snapped at the large man._

_Ibiki grunted. "Alright Sasuke," he wrote something down on his clipboard. "Kakashi told me what you did to that boy at school."_

_"So?"_

_"Why did you do it?"_

_Sasuke wanted to yell at the man, because he knew why! If he knew any ounce of his history—which he most likely did—then the answer should be pretty damn obvious!_

_But Sasuke decided to amuse him. "I felt like it." he said with a shrug._

_"You felt like it?" The scarred man repeated disbelief in his tone. Sasuke didn't bother to look at him. _

_The man wrote more stuff down, but Sasuke continued to look at the plain wall beside the couch. It was blank, like his mind was at the moment._

_"What you did was not right. I have an idea of why you did it, but it's inexcusable—"what would he know? "There's a name for people who do those kinds of things. You're still young, but you have shown some of the symptoms. Do you want to know what you are, Sasuke?"_

_The little boy shook his head, "No."_

_It was silent for a moment. "Why not?"_

_"I already know." His eyes, his voice, his mind, his face…they were all so empty. "I'm a sadist."_

**0000**

He continued to go to the roof.

Sasuke didn't know what kept him coming back, but her presence relaxed him. Her fear did actually help him a bit, since the nightmares were coming less. He still had them, but they weren't the ones that kept him screaming and thrashing at night. His mood had even begun to become less broody and more passive.

Both Naruto and Sakura noticed his change. They never commented on it though; they still must think that Sasuke was emotionally harming Hinata…which in a way he was, but not like that first time. Kakashi had stopped pestering him on going back to Ibiki and Rin even felt comfortable enough to hug him. Sasuke liked her hugs; his mom used to hug him like that. Usually he'd never allowed anybody to touch him expect for very few people.

After the first week Hinata finally stopped fidgeting, but she was still guarded. She kept hiding her face from him though. For some reason it ticked him off, but never commented on it. Sasuke left her alone for the time being.

During the third week, Sasuke felt comfortable enough to steal some of her food.

When she sent him a confused (cute) look, Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "I'm hungry." he said, shoving the onigiri in his mouth. He didn't notice it then, but Hinata lifted her lips into the tiniest of smiles.

After the first month, Hinata began bringing him his own bento box. Sasuke didn't know what he felt, but the emotion made his heart beat faster and he got all…warm. His stomach felt weird too. It made him feel sick, but good at the same time, but again, he never said anything. He ate with Hinata on the roof from there on.

During the ending week of the second month, Sasuke finally began talking.

"You hurt yourself," he said bluntly and without sympathy, "why?"

For the first time in weeks, Hyuuga stiffened. The chopsticks that were raised towards her mouth were set down. "Wh-why w-would you w-want t-to k-know that?" Her stutter was so damn annoying.

Instead of answering, Sasuke grabbed onto one of her wrist, making Hinata duck her head, and pulled down that sweat band toward her elbow. Angry fading red marks stared back at him. He didn't know why, but they bothered him. He always knew that she hurt herself when he was observing her and he didn't care. When he first saw them Sasuke liked how weak they made her look. Now…now he couldn't stand the sight.

He dropped her wrist. "Why?" he repeated.

She didn't say anything for awhile and he almost thought she wasn't going to answer. Slowly, Hinata twisted her body till she was completely facing him. Her lavender eyes met his, making his breath catch in his throat at how open they were. She looked…pretty…for a dull girl.

She took a deep breath before answering, "When I feel pain," she whispered slowly so she wouldn't stutter, "more pain numbs that initial one."

He didn't understand, but didn't question it further. That was as much he was going to get out of her for the time being. Sasuke went back to eating but her soft voice caught his attention again.

"B-But…I-I haven't done it in a while." At that, she looked specifically at him. Her pale eyes were shining with emotion he couldn't—wouldn't—understand.

But that smile…it made him…He mentally frown; he didn't know what he was feeling, but the closest he could describe it was a need to get up and just…move around till the feeling left. No, it was like excitement, but _different _somehow. She really did look pretty when she smiled, even if it was a barely there grin. His chest was warm and it made him want to smile back, but he didn't.

"Hn."

He went back to eating his food, hating but enjoying the warmth spreading throughout his body.

**0000**

_"What do you see?"_

_Sasuke resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall, because seriously…pictures? Why the heck was Ibiki even showing him ugly photos of black splattered pictures[3]? They were completely useless and Sasuke did not see the logic in them. _

_"Sasuke-kun, answer him." The little boy wished his adoptive father wasn't with him in this session. That man always found ways to embarrass him._

_He scowled, but answered, "I see nothing."_

_Ibiki raised an eyebrow. He glanced at the photo then back at the boy. "What makes you think that?"_

_Sasuke narrowed his large eyes at the black splatter before him. It was. Just. A. Splatter. Nothing more, nothing less. But then the little boy froze when he inspected the picture further. The shape of it…it was something easily overlooked, and he wished Ibiki would have gone to the next one. _

'They are mysterious creatures, are they not, Sasuke?'

_Sasuke clutched his chest to make the uncontrollable beating stop._

_"What do you see?" Ibiki asked more gently. He must have noticed how scared the boy looked_

_The frightened boy became braver when Kakashi's large hand reassuringly landed on his head. "I see," Sasuke licked his dry lips. "I see a…bird."_

_The quivering in the boy's voice seemed to have caught Morino's attention. "What kind of bird?" he questioned, leaning forward._

_"I—"another hesitation. "I see a cr-crow."_

_He looked at neither of the men as the silence stretched. They both knew what that bird represented. It was no surprise the boy would act like this, but it was still hard watching eight year old boy, who was a disrespectful little brat, act like he had seen a ghost._

_"What does the crow mean to you, Sasuke?" The intimidating man furrowed his eyebrows in worry, breaking the tense silence. He had completely forgotten the point of the cards._

'Nii-san, why do you like those creepy birds anyway?'

'They know when to flee'

_"I…it means death."_

_After that, Sasuke refused to speak for the rest of the session._

**0000**

Sasuke didn't know when or how, but after six months of hanging out on the roof, Hinata had become his…friend. Her presence left in him peace, whether it being because she was still slightly scared of him or because she had a naturally calming aura, Sasuke didn't know and honestly, he didn't want to find out.

(You know why.)

His fucking thoughts have been totally fucked too—not to mention his…dreams—. Along with his actions; he did and said things without thinking. Like how one day he began sitting next to her during their last class. Everybody was in shock—she was in shock. He was in shock.

"Stop staring." he frowned slightly at her.

She blushed and ducked her head. It made his lip twitch.

From then on he continued to sit next to her and she never complained. The fangirls…well, they just had fucking deal with it.

The Uchiha got really, really, _really _pissed off when a guy talked to her as if they knew her. He had an urge to protect her, but stay near her to silently tell all the guys to fuck off and say "Mine." He didn't like the thought, but he really couldn't stand guys being near her; he seemed to be the only guy she was even remotely comfortable with—it left him feeling extremely prideful—.

Whenever there was a free period, Naruto and Sakura's friends always hung out, including Hinata. He discovered something weird; Sasuke wanted to punch the dobe for making her blush. He then wanted to castrate Naruto for making those lavender eyes shimmer with such strong emotions. It pissed him off to the point that he actually ignored his best friend for a whole week. Sasuke had enough and finally decided to sit and talk to her to take her attention away from him and for the guys to take their attention off of her.

At first, everybody didn't know what to do. Naruto smirked though. Sakura turned beet red in either jealousy or anger towards him. The rest just tried not to stare, but Sasuke always dragged the girl a bit farther away from the group and just…talked. They all learned to get used to it.

The more he learned about her the more he realized she was nothing like nii-san.

"Let's play t-twenty questions?" Hinata asked randomly one day. Her stutter had gotten better the more time he spent with her. She was almost completely comfortable, but whenever he got a bit too close she froze up.

The November winds picked up a bit, making him shiver. Hinata offered him one of her extra sweaters, but he declined with a scowl.

"I'm _not _wearing a purple sweater." he muttered.

Sasuke moved his body till he was sitting in front of her. He moved his foot forward on the grass till it touched her crossed leg and leaned an elbow on his propped knee.

"You start." he said.

"W-When's your birthday?" A simple question.

"July twenty-third, yours?"

"December twenty-seventh." Ah, he was older by about five months. "Um, w-what kind of m-music do you like?" Hinata leaned forward, resting her cheeks against her fists.

Sasuke sighed at the question. "I don't have a preference. Just anything that isn't too loud or annoying." Uchiha lips twitched at the soft sound of her giggle. "I don't need to ask you that question; I already know what you listen to." He frowned "You have horrible taste in music."

His other female friend blushed at the insult. "I-I-I d-do not."

"Hn, because listening to a woman complain about a man is considered _good_." The sarcasm dripping off his voice caused a small pout to form on her small lips.

For some reason he had an urge to touch them.

"Your favorite color," he said in order to stop those thoughts, "is purple." He pointed at the sweater she was wearing. She nodded in confirmation. "Okay…You like Naruto, why?"

He couldn't help but ask that with a sneer. He tried not to…honestly. He bet all the money he had.

The question made Hinata uncomfortable, if her red as a tomato face gave any clue away. "U-Um…S-S-Sasuke-kun—"

Another thing; he had tried his damnist to her stop from calling him "Uchiha-san". She called every other guy by their first name and it pissed him off how formal she was with him. Sasuke didn't bother using formalities since he considered them a huge waste of time and effort. Of course, if a person he barely knew called him like he knew them then there would a problem. Besides, he liked the way she said his name.

"—d-don't y-you think th-that's a b-bit p-p-personal?" The more flustered she got the worse her stutter became. It was kind of funny.

"Just answer it, Hyuuga."

The lavender eyed girl ducked her head down and began doing that weird finger poking thing. She did these things to calm herself and to stop her stutter around him. He had told her how annoying it was, so she tried her hardest not to stammer as much.

"Um…N-Naruto-kun…he doesn't give up e-even when people put him down and h-he al-always surprises people. He's strong. He doesn't let w-what the a-adults say about him affect him. He smiles through everything and he is kind to everybody. His positive a-attitude makes m-me w-want to be l-like him. " She looked at him then and smiled. It infuriated him, but he didn't let it show. "I-I like him, but I-I don't l-love him."

"Hn."

He didn't even know why he felt content (elated) hearing that revelation, but it suddenly felt like a ton of weights had been lifted off his body. He had been feeling extremely weird around her, most of the feelings he had never ever felt before. It was so damn stupid how he couldn't identity most of the emotions. The closest thing he could pick out was anticipation. He always anticipated being near her—talking with her.

To Sasuke it was confusing, but they left him feeling high and without burden, something he hadn't felt…in ever.

"So, S-Sasuke-kun," Uchiha's eyebrows furrowed at the slightly guarded look she was giving him, "do you, um, l-like anyone?"

He almost laughed…almost. "No." he snorted instead

(That's not true. You know who you like.)

Sasuke ignored the dismayed look on her face. "What's your hobbies?"

It went like that for the rest of the free period. He knew a lot more than he initially had.

Her favorite food was cinnamon rolls (gross). She liked to flower press. Her mother died when her sister was born. Her sister, Hanabi—weird name— was twelve years old. She liked to draw in her free time. She didn't like being in the dark. She hated feeling trapped. She was an extremely selfless person; she, on her own free will, told him how she would protect her sister from her father's rage, taking all the beating for herself.

For a split second he thought of killing Hiashi. Then, for another split second, he thought of telling her of his past. But that wasn't going to happen. He couldn't even tell Ibiki without having a fucking panic attack!

"U-Um…"she was going to ask the last question since the period was going to end soon. Hyuuga began fidgeting. She avoided his dark gaze, biting her lip with such intensity. She was scared.

He rolled his eyes, gently nudging her leg with his foot. "Spit it out."

She took a deep breath. "Wh-When y-you f-first confronted me at t-the roof, w-why d-d-did y-you s-say those t-things to m-me?"

Sasuke froze. He wouldn't—couldn't tell her. He wanted to! He wanted to apologize for being such a damn dick back then. He was angry, confused and she was the closest thing that reminded him of nii-san, but knowing how they were both completely different people, all Sasuke wanted to do was to make up the bad memory with good ones. She had to understand that what he did, he did it to keep himself intact.

He sounded like a girl, but he felt extreme guilt whenever he thought of it. He had even winced when he thought of how he had practically assaulted her. Looking back, he couldn't help but compare himself with his father. He was a monster. A sadist. Just like him. He hoped, prayed to a god he didn't even believe in, that she would let it go. He knew, sooner or later, she would want to know why he did the things he did, but that would mean telling her about his brother, father, mother and all things that had happened _and he couldn't do it_!

His sadism was under control for the most part. However, his subconscious was barely hanging by a thread. All those memories he had tried to repress since he was a kid had suddenly hit him with full force. It was Hinata's (his) fault. If he hadn't looked at her, then he wouldn't be having this problem. Sooner or later he would break altogether and it wouldn't be pretty.

Dealing with it the best way he knew how; he used his anger to lash out. Sasuke scowled at the cowering Hinata, "That's none of your concern, Hyuuga." He practically spat out, making the girl squeak in fear.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry."

Sasuke ran a hand through his hair in frustration. She was shrinking into herself like she did whenever she was around any other guy. The angry Uchiha had no fucking clue as to why he even bothered to care for her feelings; he was never careful with others', particularly females', feelings. Bluntness and being a jerk was one of the biggest reason people avoided him in the first place.

_But this girl_ was the only one he careful with. After what he did, he didn't want to break her further. After months of friendship he realized that it wasn't her fear that he fed off of it, it was her very presence. Rarely did he ever have any monsters that kept him late at night. Rarely did he ever feel the need to emotionally harm someone—he still thought about it though, but the craving wasn't as strong. Naruto had even noticed how calm he seemed. He knew this, and he had Hinata to thank, so he continued to befriend her and treat as nicely as he could—which wasn't hard—as his token of thanks.

He practically ruined it mere seconds and he was going to lose her. She wouldn't want anything to do with him—he _wouldn't know_ what to do.

"Fuck." he muttered, running his fingers through his hair.

He really was sorry. The thought of losing her, not only as a friend, but as a support system scared him. He hated how dependent he was on her, but he couldn't fucking help it. If he could he would get rid of this dependency with a flick of a wrist. He couldn't control how he felt! It was _so _stupid. Sasuke stared as his friend hid behind her hair like she did all those months ago, when she was still terrified of him. He couldn't help but wonder; _Am I going to lose her?_

(Like you lost your family, right?)

No…no, that was different. He was just being melodramatic.

(No you're not, idiot. If you lose her then it's done; you're not getting her back. _You _have been _her _support system as well! What would she do if you suddenly become a raging maniac?)

The sudden bell snapped both out of their thoughts.

Sasuke got up, hitting his back side for any unwanted grass and dirt, before helping Hinata up. Her skin was really soft. He couldn't help but enjoy how her small hand fit into his larger one.

(You'd use any excuse to get the chance to touch her.)

_Shut up!_

They walked side-by-side, shoulders brushing each other. One looked down at the floor and the other kept torturing his poor black hair. The uncomfortable atmosphere couldn't be ignored.

"Look, Hinata—"

"I-It's okay." His shy friend raised her head. She didn't meet his gaze, but at least she wasn't dodging him either. "I-I s-shouldn't have…imposed. I'm sorry."

_This girl_…

Sometimes she apologizes for the stupidest reason, and most of them weren't even her fault. He had told her multiple times how annoying it was, but both were at fault this time. She really shouldn't have asked that if he hadn't ever mentioned it. But he shouldn't have snapped at her like that knowing how terrified she was of him…after what he did.

He wasn't apologizing though, screw that.

Sasuke sighed and ran a hand through his hair one last time. "Just…give me time."

Her lavender eyes—have they always been so…_stop_—finally met his. She smiled. "I'll listen, Sasuke-kun, t-take all the t-time you need."

For the first time since he met her, Sasuke sent her a smile—a real smile— of his own. "Hn."

His smile, for some reason, turned smug at the blush forming on her clear, pale skin.

**0000**

_Living with Kakashi a little over a year, it was no surprise to no one that Sasuke had nightmares…frequently…on a daily bases. They had actually bonded because of them. The older man always found ways to make him go back to sleep without bleeding in the inside. His adoptive father knew how to deal with him because he had admitted to the little boy about his nightmares._

_It was a weird way to bond, but Sasuke, for once in his life, felt safe._

_However, that feeling went away one bright night. The eight year old always made it a point to close the blinds every night. The fear of seeing that big, bright full moon would only haunt him. So the curtains Kakashi bought for him were pitch black and did very well to hide that moon each month._

_But he didn't have it this night. His idiot friend completely soaked it with coke when he came over. It was dripping all over his carpet and not to mention the sweet smell; it gave him a headache. Kakashi had no other choice but to put it in the washer that day. It was still drying during the night and Sasuke forgot that a full moon was happening._

_For the first time in a year, Sasuke had to confront one of the biggest remnants his brother scarred into his mind. His growing body was huddled at the corner of his bed, his back hugging the wall. The moon beamed down at him, giving his room a halo appearance. That was just for show, soon the nightmare would begin._

_He honestly didn't know why he didn't move, or go under the covers or _something_. He was petrified. Those large onyx eyes were stuck to that large rock. Then, out of nowhere, images of _him_ pierced his mind. Those lifeless eyes that stared up at the moon that day glared back at Sasuke now._

_The little Uchiha began shaking; vision blurring from the tears pooling down his pale cheeks. His nii-san _just wouldn't go away! _The cowering boy made a small noise at the back of his throat, but the sound only made the image far too real._

_He was back at that room._

_There was blood everywhere. The bodies that had died in front of him lied on the wooden floor, faces unrecognizable and hands intertwined in a gruesome, frozen grip. He was gasping now; that scream he was holding back was building up with each passing second._

_Nii-san…_

'I apologize for what you have just witnessed'

_His voice! Why was he speaking? Did he not realize what it was doing to him? Sasuke grabbed onto his ears and crushed them between his palms. He vaguely registered the pain that he was causing to himself, but that didn't matter— _Nii-san wouldn't stop talking! _The calm tone was like a knife twisting its way to his brain!_

_Those dead depths of black stared back at him; tranquility scarred onto his perfect face. Sasuke wanted to look away and why was he getting closer! Runrunrunrunrun!_

'I did this for you, little brother'_ he said before reaching towards him._

_That was when he screamed._

_He wasn't aware that his shouts sounded like he was being murder, nor was he aware of how raw and painful they were. His tiny hands fisted into his hair, pulling harder and harder to take those faces off his thoughts. Why? Why was he forced into this? Whywhy? Sasuke pulled harder._

_His body was racking with each breath, gasping for air as if he just surfaced from water. Air, he needed to breath! Cold wind hit his tear soaked face. Biting, grabbing, throbbing, _he needed air.

_But he wasn't registering any of it, not even when his teeth bit his lip till they bled. Nor did he realize when he was coughing, dry heaving, for the air he couldn't take in. He didn't realize any of it, only those bloody hands coming for him._

_He touched him—_Nii-san was grabbing him!

_Sasuke screamed louder. His tunnel vision made him delirious, unaware, and most of all scared. He fought back. He clawed at the attacker. Bit him till his teeth ached. Scratched him till his nails were raw and chipped. He kicked. He punched, but he wouldn't go away!_

_"Sasuke, calm down!" That voice was deep, it sounded like him._

_Something large and heavy surrounded his body. He began panicking, knowing what his brother set out to do._

_"Nii-san!" he wailed, still clawing at the arm hugging his body. "Nii-san, d-don't kill me!"_

_"Sasuke, it's me!" The voice—his voice—grunted in his ear. "Your brother isn't here; no one is hurting you. It's just me, Kakashi."_

_Kakashi?_

_No, he wasn't here…Nii-san killed him too. Why else would he be here grabbing him? Sasuke shook his head and bit his arm. He wouldn't believe him anymore._

_"Sasuke!" His voice sounded panicked, worried even. Nii-san never sounded like that. "You need to calm down— breathe!"_

_The little boy, tired and ready, complied. The voice's, Kakashi or nii-san, commanding tone slowly worked throughout his body. He slumped against the chest holding him in place. His breathing was harsh, painful and ragged. It hurt to breathe…why was he hurting? _

_"Good, breathe in slowly, Sasuke."_

_In and out. In and out. _

_After a while, Sasuke's vision began to come back; everything was clearer, brighter. There was no more full moon's light beaming, only a light he was used to seeing. His mind wasn't aware of it yet. He was half dead. Numb. Empty. Tired. So..so tired._

_A larger hand gently pulled his small one away from the strong arm. He felt like he was being lifted, then, he saw that face. Sasuke would have never thought Kakashi's masked face would bring him such relief._

_The scarecrow's hand landed on top of the little boy's head. "You're safe, Sasuke."_

_Dead onyx eyes began to shimmer with tears. This time from the ton of weight lifted from his aching chest. Nii-san wasn't there. He wasn't going to kill him. He was safe. He was with Kakashi. Kakashi was protecting him._

_With a new profound sob, Sasuke tackled the man into a tight hug. His wails were muffled onto Kakashi's chest. The hand rubbing small circles on his back made him hug his new father tighter. The soldier never said anything to his adoptive son, but continued to give him the silent and caring support that the little boy desperately needed._

_Without realizing it, Kakashi brought the little boy onto his bed. He hugged Sasuke and pulled him towards his clothed chest. The Uchiha's small hands grabbed a fistful of his shirt in a tight grip. His sobs began quieting down after a few minutes. Kakashi kept him warm. Kakashi gave him protection—that was the only thing that mattered. _

_After a last wrecked cry, the little boy finally felt let his eyes close, unconsciously moving closer to that piece of fatherly love he never had._

_"Don't you ever do that to me again, kid."_

_That night, Kakashi chased the monsters away._

**0000**

He must have lost his mind, Sasuke mused. Why else would he be considering asking Kakashi for advice? _Girl _advice at that. There was no logic in that. The former black ops soldier had to be one of the most perverted men Sasuke had ever met in his life—second to Jiraya, Naruto's adoptive father. He also had a fiancé, who, despite denying it all the time, had plenty of sex with.

The walls in their home were thick, but Sasuke was still able hear them. He gagged and slept on the roof during those moments.

But back to the point; his nightmares had turned into…wet dreams, all of them involving Hinata. It wasn't as if he never thought women were attractive; he was a guy and had noticed their bodily assets, but Hinata was the first girl he was extremely sexually attracted to. Those dreams made it ten times worse.

He wasn't sure which one of the two was worse. His nightmares left him having little to no sleep, which affected his mood and activities during the day. During the wet dreams he woke up before he could hit that…_something_, but after each dream he always had a fucking hard-on! This has been happening for the last four months since he met her—he did a fucking good job at hiding it—! Four! Sasuke was getting pretty damn tired of cold showers. And not to mention how they kept getting worse and worse.

Sasuke couldn't ask Naruto for help; he'll never let it down. He couldn't tell Sakura; she'll most likely beat him to a pulp. He couldn't ask Rin…no—just no! And he most definitely couldn't ask Jiraya about them; he'll most likely turn his embarrassing dreams into another stupid erotic book.

Which left him with Kakashi as his only choice.

Sasuke was sitting right beside him, so what was stopping him? Ah, only his pride. How does one go about telling your father figure about these fucking dreams without feeling dead in the inside? Sasuke didn't know, and would continue to wish he never would.

"What's wrong, Sasuke?" Kakashi's bored tone questioned him. His eyes never left the stupid book.

Sasuke involuntary frowned. "What makes you think something's wrong?"

A sigh. "You never fidget unless something's bothering you?"

Sasuke blinked. And blinked again. Had he done that before? He didn't even notice that he was squirming until he pointed it out. Damn.

The Uchiha ran a hand through his hair. "I want," his dark gaze avoided his adoptive father's face, "advice." He said that last word through his teeth.

Yep, his pride was seriously wounded.

"Oh? What's wrong?"

Sasuke sighed this time. "I've been having these…dreams."

There was a sound of a book snapping close and a shift on the leather couch.

"Sasuke, look at me." Fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuck. "_Sasuke_."

The man's sharp tone finally did its magic. The younger man finally glanced at his father, but sent him a glare, angry at how easily it was for him to listen. Since when the hell had Kakashi ever held power over him?

(Ever since you were a kid, you disrespectful brat.)

Kakashi's eye looked worried. "Have you been having nightmares lately?" Sasuke's heart warmed at the question, but shook his head. "Then what?"

"There's this…" Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek, "girl."

Amusement was clear as day in that dark gaze of his, making Sasuke sneer at the ex-black ops.

"Ah, I get it now." Kakashi smiled beneath his mask. "These dreams of yours, do they involve…er, erotic activities?"

_I'm not going to punch him I'm not going to punch him I'm not going to punch him I'm not going to punch him…._

"Yes." Sasuke snapped, blushing when Kakashi chuckled.

"My little Sasuke-kun is finally growing up." He wiped a fake tear off his mask. "And here I thought you were asexual…or gay."

_I'm going to punch him I'm going to punch him I'm going to punch him…_

"Who's the lucky gal that has been pleasuring you in your dreams?" Was he being serious? "I bet it's Sakura."

Wait, what?

"Sakura?" Sasuke frowned in disgust. "No."

Kakashi blinked. "Oh, then who?"

"That doesn't matter," Sasuke growled a bit, turning his body till he was completely leaning against the couch's armrest. "Just tell me how to get rid of them."

The gray-haired man rolled his eye at the stupidity of the question. "One doesn't simply snap their fingers and get what they want, Sasuke. These dreams always have a bigger meaning than just being random. Tell me Sasuke," Kakashi leaned forward, resting his elbows against his knees, "how does this girl make you feel?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Again, another eye roll. "If you want me to help you then answer the damn question."

For some reason, Sasuke felt nervous. Telling him all these different emotions he was having seemed a bit too personal…and embarrassing. But he trusted Kakashi, and most of all, he wanted the damn cold showers to stop.

He blushed before grumbling out, "She makes me feel…nervous."

"Why?"

Sasuke ran a hand through his dark hair. "I don't know. She just—when she looks at me, or when I'm near her I get…" fuck, what did he feel? "I think I get excited, but I feel…weird, too. I—"he hesitated. "I like how she smiles at me. I also like hearing her laugh; her voice isn't annoying." a pause. "I always feel happy?" He frowned at the question-like statement. "I don't _know_."

The man's eyes softened at how Sasuke was willing to open up for him. It was something extremely hard for the kid to do.

"Sakura and Naruto told me you've been harassing a girl at school," Kakashi said after the long pause. "Is this the same girl?"

Sasuke wanted to choke them both till they were blue in the face for revealing something to Kakashi that would most likely put him back at Ibiki's office!

"I hated her at first," he decided to answer either way, "but that's changed. She's different from what I thought her to be."

Kakashi nodded. "Does this girl make you do things you never thought you would do?" Sasuke nodded, looking away from the teasing look in the man's eyes. "Do you find yourself touching her for no reason?" another reluctant nod. "What do you feel when she talks to other guys?"

Sasuke face became ice cold. "She's androphobic; she avoids guys like they're wild animals. It's them who approach her like a bunch of perverts." He avoided telling him how he had the urge to just make her his. _Mine mine mine—not yours—mine._

"They're not the only ones, Sasuke-kun."

"Shut up." Sasuke sent eye daggers at Kakashi for looking right at him.

"Do want to make her happy?"

He looked away again. "I…I do."

"Do you think she's beautiful?"

"She is." he blushed. "She looks…pretty when she smiles."Another chuckle came out of the scarecrow's mouth. His little Sasuke finally looked what a normal seventeen year old should look like.

"Do you often think of…kissing her?" Sasuke could have sworn a smirk formed beneath that mask of his. "Or touching her…_that _way?"

If possible, Sasuke's scowl deepened. "Why do you think I'm telling you all this in the first place?"

Kakashi raised his hands in false defeat. "Ah, sorry, this is fun, you know? I never thought I'd be having this conversation with _you _of all people."

"I'm glad you think so highly of me." sarcasm oozed out of his voice. The biting tone wasn't left unnoticed.

"Alright, I've had my fun." Kakashi leaned back against the couch. "I know what's wrong with you."

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow, silently telling him to continue.

"You want to have sex with her." Kakashi raised a hand to stop Sasuke from whatever sarcastic remark he was going to say. "You're using her image as a symbol for your dirty mind," he earned a glare from Sasuke, "because whatever emotion you're feeling has left you, not only sexually, but emotionally frustrated. You've been holding back, haven't you?"

"And what exactly am I feeling?" Sasuke ignored that last question.

"Love."

* * *

Lol, bad cliffhanger is bad, but that seemed like the best part to end it.

**[1]= Legally, guys can't get raped. I know...it's stupid.**

**[2]= As you may have guessed, Ibiki is _not_ a children's psychiatrist. That will be explained in a later chapter.**

**[3]= What Ibiki was showing to Sasuke was _Thematic Apperception Test _or _picture interpretation technique._ This is a way to get people, specifically kids, to tell a story in each card that they see. Or tell a story throughout the whole card thing. Sasuke wasn't cooperating, that's why it didn't seem that way. Also, because Ibiki is not good with kids, lol.**

Anyway, thank you all, once again, for reviewing. Thanks for reading if you are reading and please leave a review and/or constructive criticism. I really want to improve, guys. Oh, AN will get shorter after this chapter. SORRY! AH, also, I will be updating weekly for a bit.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Okay, I had to post this chapter sooner than I had wanted. My frickin' laptop is loosing battery life, so I have to replace it. So I won't be sure when I will post the next chapter, or if I'll even finish the fifth chapter if lappy keeps loosing life this fast. So yeah! Thank you all for who had reviewed and/or read and those who favored and/or followed. I love all of this support.  
**Warning!** The last part of this would seem like character bashing, BUT IT IS NOT! I may not like Sakura, but I would never bash a character so pettily. Remember, this is all in Sasuke's POV; his views of humans and their actions are very cynical at best.

Now rated M for psychotic thoughts, mentions of rape, sexual content and drug use. I'm a bit shy posting this chapter.

_Italics= _Sasuke's thoughts; (normal text)= inner thoughts; (_Italics_)=psychotic thoughts.

* * *

...

Instabilis

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* * *

Sasuke ignored Kakashi for weeks. Every time he looked at that man all he saw was a gleeful gleam beaming in his dark eyes. It was disgusting—stupid. He wanted to hurt him. It didn't make the situation better that that man told Rin about his so called "Youthful love" and says stuff like, "I'm so proud of him, Rin. I thought I wouldn't live to see my little Sasuke-kun give me grandchildren!"

Sasuke really, really, _really _contemplated murder. Honestly, he even set up a plan during one of those nights he couldn't get any sleep. It was fool proof; he could do it, but damn it, Sasuke cursed the day Kakashi introduced Rin to him. That woman was the single reason he couldn't do squat to that infuriating man!

"Don't mind him." Her kind voice reached his ears, calming him as he watched the older man move with giddiness. She smiled at him. "He's just happy that you're…" her soft face frowned.

Still, Sasuke couldn't help but scoff. "What? That I'm a pervert?" At that, Rin's frown turned from sad to disapproving. She hit Sasuke's head, making him wince but he continued to mope.

"No, Sasuke." Her large eyes moved back to stare at her fiancé. "He's happy that _you're_ finally happy. He was worried you'd suffer for the rest of your life. He noticed how peaceful you looked lately and so have I. I feel grateful for whoever this girl is."

Sasuke was slightly surprise by her comment, but the annoyance he felt was overpowering. What Kakashi had suggested was not only ridiculous, but extremely far-fetched. The closest thing he had felt to "love" was the kind of love he had for Kakashi, Rin, Sakura, and Naruto. They were his family, and despite acting like a douche, he would do anything for them. He liked Hinata, but he didn't love her.

She was his friend, the only other female besides Sakura who he could tolerate. She was amusing to watch and she helped him forget about a lot of things. No, the Hyuuga was his _friend _and he liked her as a _friend_. Admittedly, he would also do anything for her—

(You would do anything to make her smile.)

–just like how he'll do anything for his family. So…was that the kind of love Kakashi was talking about? Sasuke shook his head at the thought; it was stupid. He never fucked them in his dreams, nor did he ever felt…so high around them. He wasn't addicted to their presence, nor did he like how they touched him compared to her. Hell, he felt slight annoyance when any of them so much as came near him.

Their scent didn't leave him feel so relax and he didn't find himself getting near them just to smell them. Sasuke never looked at them to take in every single feature. The closest thing he had ever gotten to a smile around them was a smirk. Uchiha joked around with his family, but he never laughed or chuckled honestly. He teased them, sure, but it wasn't because he wanted to see them blush. He didn't enjoy their smiles, voice, or giggles as much as he enjoyed Hinata's. He also never felt the urge to kiss his family, or hug them just because he wanted to feel their body fit into his. He felt none of that for his surrogate family, only for Hinata.

But he didn't love her. She was the first girl he was sexually attracted to, everything he was feeling was because of it. He just wanted to screw her. Very. Badly. That wasn't "love" it was lust.

Sasuke openly sighed, eyes closed to soak in the presence beside him.

"W-What's wrong, Sasuke-kun?"

He was at her mansion. Hinata invited him over for her birthday with a text. She said that her father was out on business and wouldn't come back for at least a week. He agreed immediately, mostly because he wanted to get away from Kakashi; he was always over his shoulder. But the biggest reason was because he missed her. He hadn't seen her since the beginning of winter break.

Sasuke frowned. Did lust made one feel like this?

While her home was impressive both inside and out it felt…cold and empty, even with all the branch members running around. Her sister made things livelier, she said, but she was sleeping over a friend's house. They were laying down on her purple bed, Hinata on the left and him on the right. They were very close, extremely close.

But he kept his eyes on the ceiling and listened to the music playing in his ear.

Hinata loved music. Her phone stored more music than he thought possible. It went from classical to hip-hop. From soul to R&B. They were listening to _Claire De Lune, _one of the few songs Sasuke could tolerate. He had his eyes closed; very aware at how his shoulder touched hers. She was tense, but didn't bother to move. He knew she was forcing herself to tolerate his touch. Hyuuga probably wouldn't have to be so tense if he hadn't done and said all those things months ago.

She was still scared of him.

Somewhere, at the back of his mind, hidden deep in his brain…he was hurt, but more than that, he felt anger. At himself. At everything. At his life. Sometimes he would wonder how his life would have turned out if all those things didn't happen to him. Would he smile more? Would he openly express his feelings without shame? Would he be kinder, friendlier and not so damn antisocial? But most of all, would his sadism not have existed.

Sasuke knew these thoughts were because of Hinata; he never bothered to question his alternate life before. Again, he wondered; was this lust…or something else?

The song he was listening in one ear suddenly stopped. He opened one dark eye and glanced at Hinata. Her face was full of worry, probably because he was staring at her and didn't bother to answer her question. He just looked at her—_really _looked at her. The girl from seven months back then was different from the girl now.

Her face was full of life.

Those small lips that were once chapped and crusted with blood were a pale pink and looked very, very soft. Her dull cheeks were now tinted with red, either from the cold room or because they were a bit too close. Even her hair, that she always kept down to hide herself, was tied into a loose bun. Some stubborn, shiny indigo hair fell from the bun and framed her round face—it looked healthier…softer, like her lips. It was also shorter, reaching her shoulders, but he didn't mind it; it looked good on her.

The bruises that would sometimes appear on her neck were now hidden by her lavender scarf. He didn't like it. He hated it, but he never said anything to give clue that he had noticed how hurt she was. A few months back he didn't really care calling her out on the abuse going on in her life, but for some reason all he could ever see was a bleeding, dying Hinata and…his temper would be out of control.

In order to distract himself, Sasuke gaze shifted towards her lavender tinted eyes.

Uchiha hated them at first. Those white eyes that the Hyuuga all have freaked him out. They seemed hard, like stones, and indictable. Hinata's eyes were different from the rest. Her eyes weren't stern, or hard to see through, they were just…lifeless—blank, like a dead person's gaze…like_ his_ gaze. But now he knew why they were like that; she had no hope. She must have thought she was going to die without any happiness in her life, probably hoping that her sister would escape from their father if she did have to die protecting her. Her scars were proof of that sense of hopelessness. Her father's attacks no longer hurt her, Hinata had said, but the verbal shootings hurt her more than anything. So, in order to get rid of that pain, she hurt herself.

_"When I feel pain, more pain numbs that initial one." _

He understood now.

But…her eyes were different. The feeling of someone squeezing his heart was what Sasuke felt when her pretty eyes looked at him with such emotion. Even if that emotion was worry, it was different from before. She always hid them beneath her bangs, but they're open and free now. And it made him feel very weird knowing he was the only one who could see her like this. Even if her paranoia had died down a bit, even if she had become more social and friendly, looking absolutely _open _was saved only for _him_.

"Sasuke."

The Uchiha blinked in surprise at the lack of formality. His lips twitched, wanting to smirk at his friend and do something _else_. Her voice calling out his name without limitations was extremely…sweet; her voice was shy, but willingly to break that last barrier she had built to keep him out. He wanted her to say it again.

Without realizing what he was doing, Sasuke turned his body a bit so that his elbow rested on her bed and pulled her closer to his chest. He pulled the earphones off and tossed her phone on her nightstand beside her bed. Her eyes widen in surprise at the callous hand on her waist, but said nothing. Either in shock or…fear, but Sasuke wasn't thinking that; he wanted her close.

In the back of his mind—way, way, way, back—he was telling himself not to do this. Kakashi would be proven right and Sasuke couldn't do this because this was _Hinata_. No matter how much he wanted her the fact of the matter was that she was still terrified of him whether she was willing to admit it or not. She was so very tense. Shaking, she was shaking so badly. Her eyes that had been worried now look so very apprehensive.

But he ignored that part of him. Uchiha Sasuke didn't like asking for permission. He got what he wanted when he wanted, whether he got by force or through persuasion didn't matter. He got what he wanted, period. All he wanted now was to make her _his_. Claim her to make a point to the other guys that she was his.

_Mine. She's mine._

Slowly, painfully slow, Sasuke reached his other hand towards her face. He almost closed his eyes at the sensation of her soft skin against his hand. She was cold, but warm at the same time. His skin felt like small torrents of electricity were tickling him, and it felt very good. But he didn't blink at all. His heavy gaze was only on her face, watching all the emotions going on it. She was blushing, almost as red as a tomato, but her eyes contradicted with the embarrassment on her cheeks.

But he didn't stop touching her—

(You're going to ruin everything—_stop_!)

—and began rubbing his thumb against her cheek. Her sharp intake of breath didn't stop him either. He didn't _want _to stop. Then, the large hand one her small cheek was on her shoulder. _God she was warm_.

(She's not ready, you idiot!)

He didn't care.

He gently pushed her on her bed and leaned over her a bit. He used his arm to lean against on the bed, his other hand was on her neck. He tilted his head to get a better look at her. He was nervous again; his heart was beating as fast as a humming bird's wings. His thumping heart in his ear was the only thing he could hear, and even though he didn't notice, his dark eyes glazed over. He wanted this—_needed _this, because he had enough. No more waiting.

He closed his eyes as he touched his forehead with hers, breathing in her scent to calm his nerves. She was still stiff. Still scared.

"Hinata," he whispered her name slowly. It sounded different to him; rougher, husky even. He didn't notice how Hinata's eyes lowered as well.

Then, his lips were on hers.

It was a short, chaste kiss—almost innocent, but it felt…_good_. Very good. It was much better from passionate ones he had in his dreams and thoughts. The real thing was much better; it felt like his whole body had taken a breath of fresh air. Sasuke tested this new air, breathing slowly through his nose. The smell was a flower-like scent, like a garden, and a hint of earth. It was Hinata's smell and it was getting stronger the more he breathed in. Would he continue to sniff this scent if he continued what he was doing?

If her scent was this addicting, then how would she taste? He wanted to know.

So, he kissed her again. It was a longer one, but better than the first. He just continued to coax her into this, not wanting to rush into anything she didn't want to do. Slowly, but surely, she began kissing him back. It was a shy one, hesitant, but when Sasuke deepened the kiss, she became stronger and sure. He barely felt her small hands fist into his sweater.

They stopped kissing, both breathing heavily in need for air. Their foreheads rested against one another. Sasuke still didn't open his eyes; if he opened them then all this would disappear, he knew, more like felt, this warmth would be taken away from him—he didn't want that. Was this love? No, he just wanted her.

Fuck, she was addicting.

Almost immediately, Sasuke began kissing her once again. More needy than the last two, more forceful and much more frightening to the Hyuuga. But she didn't do anything to stop him, Sasuke was almost relieved. Even though he should be backing away he simply _couldn't_. The thought of not having this—this wonderful euphoria beating through his body scared Sasuke. He wanted it. He wanted to keep it forever. But most of all, he wanted to taste it.

That was when Sasuke ran his tongue on her lip. He took advantage of Hinata's gasp and slipped his tongue in her mouth; tasting, sucking—

(Stop stop stop! You need to _fucking stop_!)

(_No more waiting_.)

He ignored Hinata's hands pushing against his chest. The soft punching, the soft whimpers, he ignored it because he just _couldn't fucking stop_. He didn't want to. He didn't, because she felt and tasted so fucking great!

(You're ruining everything! Get the hell away from her!)

_She's mine. No one else's. Mine mine minemine!_

Without his consent, the hand on her neck lowered until it was beneath her shirt. Uchiha was rubbing the soft, bare skin on her waist. Sasuke broke the kiss for a minute and buried his face into her soft neck, muffling the soft groan coming out of his mouth. He could already feel his member growing stiff with need. How long had he been dreaming of this? Far too long, he concluded. With that thought, Sasuke covered her mouth with his again, softly attacking her mouth with his tongue. She felt so…great—he needed to feel more!

The hand on her bare stomach kept higher and higher—

Sasuke yelped at the sudden pain on his lips. A harsh force pushed him off the bed, making him grunt as he landed, but he barely felt it it. He blinked a few times, surprised at the sudden sensation. His fingers touched his lips, hissing when he felt it sting. The seventeen year old looked at his fingers and saw blood. He hastily rubbed the red liquid on his black pants, wincing as he licked his lip dry. He couldn't panic in front of her.

_Hinata._

With a sharp turn towards her direction, Sasuke quickly got up from the soft carpet and observed the girl before him. His whole composure was almost ruined at the look she was giving him. Those fearful eyes, that were so familiar, sent waves of anger, fury, frustration and pain throughout his body. He physically winced at the look, because she no longer trusted him. She no longer liked him. She no longer wanted him around. It hurt more than he was willing to admit.

(You almost did something that would absolutely ruin her. Like how tou-san did to kaa-san)

Still, he had to do _something_.

"Hinata, I—"he stopped in his tracks when Hinata quickly back away from him. Her back dug onto the headboard of her bed, eyes set on him like he was someone kind of animal going out on his way to eat her.

Sasuke ran a hand through his hair, resisting the urge to pull it.

_Fuck_. He…screwed up. He was out of control. And she was the one who had to deal with it. This girl was already terrified of guys, he was of the few exceptions to get near her, but even then she was still scared of him. And he completely fucked it up. He…touched her when he shouldn't have. All that pent up sexual frustration finally kicked in when he had a tiny dosage of her innocence. She wasn't ready for it—he should have stopped at the first kiss but he couldn't get that amazing feeling out of his body, and it demanded more from her, but she simply wasn't ready for it and he didn't care. He rushed. It was ridiculous, how weak he was. And now because of it he had to pay the price.

He was going to lose her.

He tried to reach for her, but she flinched away from him. He shoved his fists into his pockets. "I'm…I…"

Sasuke once again ran a hand through his black hair in frustration. "I didn't mean it…to go that far. You're ju—I'm…"he stopped trying to say anything, mostly because he was annoyed that he couldn't get the words out of his mouth.

He swallowed hard when that knot formed in his throat. Those dark eyes stared at her blank ceiling to distract him from looking at the cowering mouse. Waves of guilt hit him full force, wanting to apologize for what he had done; for making her remember what she had gone through when she was a child. And now all he wanted to do was to forget all of this and move _on_. But that couldn't happen, for either of them. It was too fresh.

Was this love? He questioned. This feeling of pain wouldn't go away. It kept pounding into his heart like a nail screwing into wood. Her frightened face was seared into his mind. He wanted to see her smile to make her realize that he couldn't help it! He couldn't lose her!

(This is your entire fault! She's going to disappear and you'll be nothing but a pathetic sadist who is too damn weak to accept everything that had happen in your worthless life. You'll break and your mind won't be strong enough to fight me off any longer!)

This was love? Was this dependency what kept him intact? She honestly, truly did make him feel happy. He had never been more carefree in his life. What if he lost that? Hinata kept the monsters at bay. They rarely attacked because her scent lingered on his clothes and his mind kept imaging her there, protecting him. Was this love? If it was, then he didn't know what he would do if he lost her.

She had been his support system, just like how he was hers.

Sasuke finally let that last piece of wall break down, allowing Hinata to see how he truly felt through his eyes. Something must have hit her because her lavender tinted eyes widened slightly

. "I…Hinata." He closed his eyes again when he felt them stinging with unshed tears. He absolutely refused to think of what he had almost done.

(_But you know, and you would have done it either way. You can still take her right now. She's weak._)

The dark-haired man gritted his teeth in order to keep himself from yelling. He _wasn't _like tou-san. He would _never _do that to Hinata. It was sick and pathetic and….and…it _wasn't like him._

(_Keep telling yourself that._)

Lost in his chaotic thoughts, Sasuke didn't notice the small body coming towards him.

Uchiha almost collapsed when he felt the warm, small body hugging him. He looked down, but couldn't see her face. She was burying it in his chest. He knew she was crying; she always hid when she thought she was being weak. He hesitantly hugged her back, burying his own face in her soft hair. He breathed in her scent and savored it.

(You're becoming more and more like him—Tou-san)

He was sorry. Sorry. So very sorry.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to her ear. His voice shook slightly, images of his own bleeding mother seeping into his brain. He squeezed his eyes shut and held her tighter. "I'm sorry."

"Just…give me time." She echoed his own words out, making him smirk a bit.

And he would wait, because they both needed time.

**0000**

_Sasuke knew tou-san would hurt kaa-san. He always said mean things to her. He called her ugly, useless, weak, pathetic, poor excuse of a wife, a whore, and lots more horrible things. Tou-san liked how she cried, Sasuke had seen his smile when he saw the woman's tears streak her face. Her face was blank, but the young Uchiha had noticed the inner turmoil in her dark gaze._

_It was full of hysteria._

_When his father was gone, Mikoto looked at his direction and smile. "Sasuke, you can come out."_

_Obediently, Sasuke walked towards his mother. He sat on her lap, while she stroked his hair. They were sitting on the floor, where tou-san said they belonged; with all the filth. The five year old didn't mind, at least he got to share it with kaa-san._

_"Kaa-san." Sasuke placed both small hands on his mothers cheeks, forcing her to look at him. "Don't listen to him. You're the best mom in the world, and the prettiest. A lot of the older kids at my school think you're way too pretty to be a mom. And you help me and nii-san a lot, he doesn't do anything." He frowned at that. "So don't listen to a word he says, 'kay?" He hated his father, even at a young, he couldn't stand him._

_His mother grinned softly, kissing his forehead. "Thank you, Sasuke." She hugged the boy to her chest._

_No matter how much tou-san worked to break her, he would always be there to help her._

_However, there were things his own mother kept from him. Sasuke knew that he could help his mom get rid of those verbal assaults, but it was the physical ones he couldn't do anything about. His mom kept it from him for a long time, and he had witnessed one of the most horrible things he had ever seen at the tender age of six, a few months before everything went straight to hell._

_It was during nighttime when he heard the screams. It woke him up with a start, eyes crazily searching for that piercing wail. He heard it again and froze; it was kaa-san's voice. Without hesitation, Sasuke got up from his bed, ran out of his room and towards his parent's room where the wailing and whimpering got louder and louder._

_Tears were forcing their way out, and he didn't bother wiping them off because he couldn't feel them. His heart ached and he wanted to protect kaa-san from whatever was happening, but he couldn't _move. _There was a sound of clothes ripping, then a hard _thump_ and a horribly loud scream. Knowing it was kaa-san, he slammed the door open, ready to face whatever demon that dared hurt his mother. What he saw made his blood turn cold._

_Tou-san was lying on top of kaa-san, pants down and moving really harshly against her. His beady dark gaze landed on his youngest son, but there was no shame; he continued doing what he was doing._

_"Sasuke!" The sound of his mother's harsh scream forced his eyes to look at her. _

_He wished he hadn't._

_"Go away Sasuke!"_

_Her face was unrecognizable. Harsh bruises formed on her eye and lip. She had no clothes on and he could see everything, but his eyes roamed over her body, observing the scratches, and…there was so much _blood_!_

_His dad slammed against her, making her cry harder. She begged him for him to go, but he was stuck—in shock. It wasn't until he heard his brother's soft voice was he able to move._

_"Go back to bed, Sasuke."_

_Almost robotically, he obeyed. But his mind kept repeating that image over and over again. He tried to bury his ears into his pillow to drown out her cries of pain and her wails of agony. He cried himself to sleep that night. He was angry he couldn't protect kaa-san from him, not anymore._

_It was only when he turned twelve did he learn that his father had raped kaa-san. He refused to dwell on it any further and shoved that memory in the deepest part of his mind._

**0000**

Naruto and Sakura were over at Sasuke's house a week before school began. They were buried in his overly clean room, though the beer bottles on his bed kind of broke that illusion. And if he was honest with himself, he already felt a bit annoyed at the lack of organization going on in his sanctuary. He would make an exception this one time, only because they brought alcohol. Good thing Kakashi and Rin were out on a date.

"So," Naruto began. He swung the bottle between his fingers as he spoke, "how have you been, Sasuke?"

The pale boy raised an elegant eyebrow in question. "What do you mean?"

"He means…"The pink-haired girl lazily pointed a finger at him, "that you've been very quiet lately, more than usual." She took a swing of her drink.

"And you've been moping around," the blonde continued. "I'm starting to wonder something's wrong with you, dattebayo."

Sakura narrowed her eyes at the onyx-eyed boy. "Actually, you've been acting weird ever since you went to Hinata-chan's house. What did you do?"

It pissed him off how she automatically thought he had purposely done something to harm Hinata. Granted, Sakura and Hinata were friends; she had a right to be protective of the meek girl, but didn't she ever wonder why he and Hinata were so close? Of course, after what he had done to her and all of the other things he done to people in the past, his intentions did seem a bit sketchy.

The booze was clouding his mind though and his tongue seemed a bit loose for his liking.

"I kissed her."

As soon as he said it the comfortable atmosphere went tense. Imagine if he told them that he had almost raped the girl.

"Eh?" Naruto looked at him like he had grown two heads. "W-Who…um…"

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura's voice was softer and gentler than before, but the he still saw the hidden anger beneath her calm eyes, "do you like her?"

"No." The answer was immediate and without hesitation, because they expected him to say that. He sighed and decided to answer honestly, "Maybe." He leaned his head against the wall.

His blonde friend smirked suddenly. "Ha, I knew it! You _like _her! No wonder you follow her everywhere—"

"I don't."

"—but no, you kept denying it, but I _told _you!"

"Shut up."

Annoyed and a bit embarrassed, Sasuke took a sip of beer if only to numb the overly loud voice that belonged to his best friend.

"Sasuke-kun, what changed?"

_'You harmed her, made her cry, what made things different?'_

"She's nothing like him." Sasuke eyed his female friend, who was slightly swaying on his bed, and hoped she understood what he meant to say. Both Sakura and Naruto lips pulled down into a small frown. They understood perfectly.

"Ah, anyway," the scarred boy wrapped an arm around Sakura's shoulders and flashed a wide grin. "Since Pervy is coming back from his book signing next month, I've decided have a party at my place in two weeks. You guys are the first invited, 'ttebayo!"

Sasuke observed the small blush on Sakura's cheeks with hidden amusement. "Eh? O-Oh, sure."

Their eyes went to Sasuke.

He didn't feel like going, not because he didn't like hanging out with them, it's just he couldn't really stand their friends. They all hate him, and the feeling was mutual. The only two he could tolerate was Shino and Shikamaru on a good day. The rest were too damn loud and got on his nerve. Sai was just a pain in the ass. Not to mention that Naruto was an overly nice guy, he was bound to invite _all _of his so called "friends". And if he knew Sakura—which he did, very much so—she would invite all of her friends as well…most of which were his fangirls.

There was no chance in hell he was going.

"Count me out."

Sakura frowned at him. "What if I invited Hinata?"

Did they really think bribing him with Hinata would work? idiots.

"She won't go."

"What makes you think that, teme?" Naruto gulped down the rest of his drink and let it drop onto Sasuke's nice, _clean _white carpet.

His eye twitched.

"Hinata hates crowds."

It wasn't exactly a lie, because she did hate being around so many people, but if given a chance to go to a party with her friends she would gladly go. Her dad was the problem. He was coming back the next weekend and if he caught his daughter go out without his permission—he wouldn't let her go either way—then he would do things to her. Sasuke couldn't stand seeing another bruise on her on. He was doing anything he could to protect her.

And if he could, Sasuke would willing, and with a smirk on his face, tell Kakashi what her father had done. But she didn't want _anyone _to know. The only reason he knew was because of his sharp and thoughtful eyes.

Sasuke's small friend gently shrugged the blonde off her shoulders and scooted closer towards the Uchiha. A teasing smile was transfixed on her red face. "You should invite Hinata-chan to come over your place during the party. So you won't get lonely."

She sounded just like Kakashi. Perverts.

"I will." But he wouldn't because she couldn't. She was trapped in that prison of hers.

The drunken smile on Sakura's face widened further. Sasuke almost scoffed. She was so drunk she had even forgotten that she was supposed to have a huge crush on him.

"Alrighty then!" His blonde friend sent him thumbs up. "I hope you get laid, teme."

Sasuke, in his drunken state, popped Naruto right in the jaw. They wrestled for a few minutes until Sakura pulled them apart—she was surprisingly strong—and wobbled out of his house with Naruto in tow. Sasuke didn't bother to clean up all the bottles on his bed; he was too damn sleepy. He later regretted it when Kakashi splashed cold water on his face. His headache got worse and worse as his adoptive father scolded him about his drinking for hours.

**0000**

_Kaa-san always protected him._

_When tou-san wanted to harm Sasuke for something he did wrong, kaa-san would step in and growl at the man to stay away. Nii-san never had this problem, he was perfect in the eyes of Fugaku, but Sasuke wasn't like him; he was a failure. At least kaa-san loved him and she did everything she could to protect her little boy._

_That was why Sasuke never told his mom about the bruises. Tou-san always found a way to harm him, either mentally or physically. It didn't matter. The little Uchiha stood stone still whenever those sessions happened. A slap to the face. A forceful grab on his cheeks. Painful grips on his arm. Tears welling down his eyes. And yet, Sasuke never screamed, cried nor pleaded. He hated tou-san, but he wanted him to be proud of him._

See, tou-san! I can do all this. Nii-san won't be able to handle all the pain you put me through. Ne, tou-san, are you proud now?

_He took everything in silence. _

_When he was younger, nii-san never did anything to stop tou-san from harming him; he was scared. That fearful gaze would be forever in his mind. But once his brother had become stronger and joined military training at the extremely young age of twelve, Sasuke had noticed all the warning looks he gave tou-san. Yet, Fugaku would be more discreet in his abuse, knowing his youngest son would never speak of what happened._

_And Sasuke continued to endure the pain just to make tou-san proud._

**0000**

Since school had started, he made a point to avoid Hinata at all times. He stopped talking to her, he stopped sitting with her, he stopped eating with he and he barely looked at her. She seemed hurt by his actions, but she didn't understand. What he did…was so fucked up and, and…it reminded him a lot of his mom's fearful gaze. She had sent that same look to Fugaku after he had finished raping her. She no longer looked his way after it, and always whimpered when he got near. Sasuke had forced that memory to be covered up with the blackest paint he could find, but once again, Hinata made the paint chip off.

He would sometimes wonder if he was an outcome of rape. It was a disgusting thought.

And not only that, but he had a promise to keep; he would give her time. Whatever he was feeling wasn't anything friendly. Something in him finally broke that day, making him uncontrollable around her. All he wanted was just to be near her and claim her as his, but she was terrified of it. Telling her of his past and all the reasons why he was so fucked in the head would help enlighten her, but he was terrified as well.

They both needed time, but that didn't mean he couldn't keep contact with her. Thank the damn inventors for creating cell phones.

During Lit. Sasuke discreetly pulled out his _Droid _phone and sent her a text.

**Hey.**

He heard the faintest sound of buzzing. Then a few seconds later, his phone started buzzing.

**Hello.**

**I'm sorry for doing this.**

Faintly, Sasuke remembered that he never apologized to anyone for whatever reason. Apparently she was the only exception.

**I'm the one who's sorry.**

Sasuke frowned. **For what?**

**Sasuke-kun…I like you. A lot. And I do like being with you, but my fear is holding me back…I can't do the things you want me to.**

He wasn't surprised by her boldness, she was like this whenever they texted each other, but knowing that she actually did like him like _that _was very relieving. He had expected his feelings to be one sided, which would have been very annoying.

**Don't be stupid, Hyuuga. I almost…look. I understand, alright? What I'm doing is for the both of us. I can't be near you right now.**

**We can still do this, right?**

Sasuke looked up from his desk and looked at her. She was blushing slightly, but a small grin was plastered on her face. He nodded. It made her face lit up.

**0000**

_He didn't know when it began, but he knew it started sometime after that full moon encounter. Sasuke knew he wasn't like any other kid. Whenever he saw another person that reminded him of nii-san, he would do very bad things. The first boy he had harmed had the same hair color as nii-san and it made him very angry. He had resisted the urge for so long, but his emotions kept getting bigger and bigger that he had finally broke inside his own home._

_Everybody he cared for had witnessed it; Kakashi, Rin, Naruto, Sakura, and Jiraya. The old pervert had said his brother's name and Sasuke just…panicked. He hurt himself and Naruto, who had tried to calm down._

_Sakura buried her face into Rin's chest as Sasuke's screams cracked the air. Naruto had a large bruise on his face, but his frightened eyes looked more at pain looking at his usually calm friend act like a raging monster. Rin, externally comforted the two kids, but in the inside she felt a piece of herself break when Sasuke kept attacking everything at sight._

_It was Jiraya who held him tight and it was Kakashi who had finally calmed him down. He passed out, forgetting a lot of what happened except for the need to kill and harm. After what Kakashi told him what he did, he didn't even look in his friend's eyes for at least a month in extreme shame._

_But, when he saw that boy, all he thought was _harm harm harm. Break!

_The boy was a coward and Sasuke used it his advantage. Sakura and Naruto tried to stop him, but they didn't understand! Nii-san needed to feel what he felt; he _needed _this. And when the boy finally had enough and broke down into nothing but a sobbing fool, Sasuke couldn't help but smile._

_That was the day he found out something was wrong with him. The feeling he had felt made Sasuke not care._

**0000**

The first week they had texted each other and talked on the phone none stop. Kakashi had stopped teasing him so he could tell him how annoying he was being. Naruto and Sakura barely hung out with him whenever he had his phone near.

Naruto still teased him, but Sakura had enough of looking at how addicted he was to his machine. Sasuke didn't mind them.

Yes, during the first week everything was normal, until the next one that came.

She was absent. Sasuke didn't think much of it at first; he had thought she was sick, so he texted her. When she didn't respond in hours, he called her. She didn't pick up. So he called her again, and she still didn't pick up. He became worried when she didn't come the next day.

She didn't come the next week or the week after that, hell she never bothered to come for two whole months. Sasuke kept getting restless with each passing day. He rarely got any sleep, since the nightmares came back with a vengeance. He had dark circles under his eyes and his skin seemed to be tinted with yellow. Oh, and his sadistic streak wanted to be unleashed. His dark gaze searched for new prey to calm the overpowering anger dwelling in him. He satisfied the need by mildly insulting those who annoyed him.

He even resorted to drugs.

The beast in him kept _bugging _him to hurt people, physically. It even showed him images of a bloody Hinata naked on her hands and knees. He almost threw up. He knew then that something in him was cracking open and it won't take long before it unleashed completely. But he could at least prolong it. That was why he needed nicotine in his system and something stronger than beer.

It wasn't as if he had never thought of using drugs before. He had a mental war within himself when he turned thirteen. A kid at school told him about them and what they did. He was interested to say the least, but Kakashi wouldn't approve. He would be more than likely extremely disappointed in him, so Sasuke didn't try it at that age. He was scared that Kakahi would hate him.

He really didn't give a damn now, especially with all these thoughts attacking his mind.

Sasuke tried his hardest to resist the temptation, but if it meant calming the monster in him, then he would try it. So, he went to the convenience store. His dark eyes soaked in the familiar setting. He always came to this practically run-down place for cheap food. Whenever he had the duty of groceries shopping, he always came here. Kakashi and Rin had yet to find out. But today, he was getting something different.

He went to the cashier and tapped the bell on the counter when he noticed that no one was standing there. A male about his height with a scrawny body build popped up from the behind the counter. He had dark brown hair, almost black and muddy brown eyes. His skin was pale…darker than Sasuke, but pale nonetheless. His face reminded Sasuke of a rat, including his sharp, pointy nose and bucktoothed mouth.

"Sorry, had to pick up my phone," as he said that, the boy shoved said machine into his pocket. "How can I help you?" The boy's voice was too deep to match his meek body. It annoyed Sasuke for some reason.

Uchiha forced his pale lips from frowning as he said, "Give me a pack of cigarettes."

The rat-face nodded. "Sure, just let me see some ID."

This time, Sasuke didn't bother to hide the deadly gaze he was sending to the boy in front of him. The monster hummed in pleasure at the fearful eyes staring back at him. His lips almost twitched as well.

"Give me the cigarettes." He made sure there was no room for arguing, but that damn kid was so stubborn.

"I-I can't," he gulped. "You have to show p-proof."

Sasuke was getting impatient and so was the monster. It started whispering things to him, bad things, but Sasuke pushed it away and leaned forward menacingly toward the cowering rat. "I'm of age, that's all you need to know." It wasn't exactly a lie; his birthday was in a few months.

The rat had doubt clouded in his features, but he gave Sasuke the cigarettes. He was probably too terrified to argue back.

(_You should scare him further. You will have power if you do so. That's what you want, right Sasuke? Control? Heh, if you continue to play with that Hyuuga, you would able to control her no problem. Threaten her and she would be groveling to your every needs_.)

"I'm paying for a couple of sake bottles and a lighter." Sasuke said off handily as he handed the money to the shivering kid before him.

Damn thoughts were straying into dangerous territory again. He was so damn unstable, like a balloon getting ready to pop. He thought and dreamt things that he had never thought before. Like hurting Hinata, physically harming her, to feed his monster's sexual need. It was…disgusting and frightening to think. The image of Hinata's bleeding lip made him shiver in disgust, but his monster growled in pleasure.

With shaky and angry steps, Sasuke got out of the store with all his stuff.

He went to back to his house, sitting on top of the roof so he wouldn't get the scent of smoke in the house. Kakashi was working late at the bureau and Rin still had to take an extra shift at the hospital. Still, he couldn't take the chance of either them learning of his new habits. Sasuke stared down at the empty street below him, liking how dark it was out so the neighbors wouldn't rat him out.

(You're so pathetic.)

(_Let me out. That stuff isn't going to last long, you know._)

Sasuke hastily took a cigarette out of the pack and placed it between his lips. Fire sparked out of the lighter in his hand, lighting up his cancer stick. He shoved the lighter in his pocket, and then placed his fingers on the stick. A bit apprehensive, Sasuke took his sweet time to breathe in the smoke. He coughed a bit, making him immediately blow the smoke out. When none of the symptoms that came with nicotine showed frustration began to grow inside him.

(You need to stop, Sasuke!)

The second intake was easier to deal with, making the effects of nicotine start. He blew out slower this time, watching the acid filled smoke blow gently with the wind. The taste of it was…good. He had expected the drug to be bland. He also thought that people took them as a means to escape from the real world. Maybe it was for some people, but Sasuke was able to _taste _it. He didn't know the exact taste it was, but he could hint the tiniest bit of earth. Like Hinata.

Sasuke continued to smoke and drink throughout the night. He stopped smoking when Rin came home, but he continued to drink in his locked room to forget all of what the monster had shown him.

**0000**

_"Nii-san where are you?!" The four year old whispered loudly. _

_His large onyx eyes searched around the forest that surrounded his compound, knowing his older brother was watching him from beneath the shadows. Sometimes he wished his brother wasn't so good at this game; it made things very hard for him. After another ten minutes of looking, Sasuke finally gave in._

_With crossed arms and a pout on his cute face, Sasuke grumbled out, "I give up, nii-san."_

_His brother immediately jumped off a tree and landed in front of Sasuke, making the little boy moodier than usual. "Nii-san, that wasn't fair!" He angrily pointed a finger at the older boy. "I can't climb trees."_

_The other boy wasn't deterred by his younger brother's angry stare. He smiled slightly at the boy. "Sorry, Sasuke."_

_Sasuke frown turned into a grin of his own at the glowing emotion coming off his brother's dark eyes. He didn't like how his brother's smiles were always faked; like a smile from a plastic doll. He never seemed happy when he did it, but the little Uchiha knew that his brother was happy playing with him. He stopped all of his studying and training just to spend time with him._

_"Nii-san, do you think you could teach me how to climb trees?" Sasuke, excited by the idea, grabbed onto his brother's shirt and jumped a bit. "Then it'll be easier to find you!"_

_His brother poked his forehead. The older Uchiha chuckled at Sasuke's irritated frown. "Forgive me Sasuke, maybe next time."_

_"Itachi." The sound of the gruff voice caused both the Uchiha siblings to tense. Fugaku stared down at his kids with silent a glare. Sasuke immediately backed away, hiding behind his big bother._

_"Yes?"_

_Fugaku eyes went back to being impassive. "You've abandoned your training, why?"_

_Sasuke's eyes grew with worry. Nii-san was a prodigy among prodigies. He graduated high school when he was only eleven and had shown amazing skills in strategies and foresight. His father was taking advantage of his brother's genius and forced the twelve year old to hone his skills and learn about war and the art of fighting and all those machines people use to kill. When Itachi turns sixteen he'll be legible to enter the military while taking online college courses. Even Sasuke knew that his brother was too young for that kind of stuff, but his nii-san had shown more promise than men three times older than him. _

_Sasuke also knew that his father only did this to gain political power for the Uchiha._

_"I wanted to spend time with my little brother. Is there any harm from that?" _

_The little boy flinched at the tone of voice Itachi had used on their father. He had noticed how nii-san had gotten a lot braver since he had become tougher through the military training. When they were younger, nii-san had always been terrified of Fugaku, but now…Sasuke sometimes wished his brother kept his mouth shut. The little Uchiha gulped nervously, fisting a handful of his brother shirt at the scrutinized gaze his father was sending him._

_"Hn." Fugaku turned his back on them, but Sasuke knew what he was going to get later. "Get back inside when you finish your childish game."_

_When Sasuke looked up at his brother, a sense of fear caught his throat at the absolute loathe blazing out of his eyes._

**0000**

Sasuke was able to hide his drug problem pretty well. He always smoked up on the roof whenever either of his guardians weren't at home. He hid the bottles of sake Sasuke under his bed in a neat line and always locked his door whenever he felt like getting drunk. Whenever either Kakashi or Rin were at home, Sasuke went to the park a few blocks away to use the drug.

But as another month passed, Sasuke found himself getting more agitated than calm. His monster kept attacking him, sending him bloody images of his hidden fantasies. He even threw up one time when he imaged his monster attacking Hinata to drive his lust. Whenever someone annoyed him at school, he dealt with them by verbally assaulting them instead of twisting their limps like his monster whispered him to do. Naruto and Sakura both noticed the growing malice within him, but neither did anything to stop him. What he was doing kept him intact for a bit, and if it didn't work, then he used his drugs. They didn't even know that he smoked.

But the more time Hinata spent away from him, the more his memories and monster kept trying to burst. She had kept him intact without the feeling the need to harm another. She had kept him happy and calm. He felt _right _around her—_sane_! Even though his mind was really fucked at the moment, and the thought of actually seeing her frightened him to no end, he has had enough! He needed her!

So, Sasuke decided to go to Hinata's house, but a branch member answered the door. Her white eyes widened in surprise and fear. When he asked where Hinata was she kept blabbering about how she wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be back any time soon. It was a pathetically weak lie, but Sasuke wasn't an idiot. He knew for a fact that one of the braver servants, maybe Hiashi himself, would call the cops on him if he stepped into the house without permission. Kakashi may be a respected war hero and a well known criminal profiler , but even he couldn't get him out of the situation he put himself in. So, with a sneer, Sasuke went back home. The rage in him roared to be set out.

It was unlucky for Sakura that was she waiting in his home…alone. In his mind, he searched for anything that reminded him of nii-san. Dark eyes narrowed at the girl sitting on his couch, hating how worried she was for him. Nii-san always pestered around him too. He told the little Sasuke that he should sleep and eat healthier. His brother tried to his hardest to protect him from tou-san's wrath. Sakura tried to protect her friends like that as well.

She was like nii-san in a sense. Her caring nature was like his.

(_Bingo._)

"You're back." she got up from the couch as she said that. "You're door was _unlocked_, you know." she added with a disapproving gaze.

"What are you doing here?" Sasuke ignored her look and went towards the kitchen.

"I wanted to know how you've been, Sasuke-kun." she said as she followed him.

"Ah."

Awkward silence ensued. Sasuke didn't bother to break it; he knew Sakura would be the one to do it.

Sasuke opened the door to his fridge and rummaged through it until he found a bottle of water. He kicked the door closed and leaned his body against the island in the middle of the kitchen. He took a long drink out of his bottle before staring at his pretty friend. Her eyebrows were furrowed and her eyes kept roaming around his face, as if she was searching for something.

He screwed the bottle shut and placed it on the island.

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura leaned her back against the island table beside him. "How are you?"

The question had a bigger meaning. 'Sasuke-kun, have you lost your mind? Should I not be here?' She knew him so well.

"Don't play dumb." His voice was ice cold, but his eyes were as lifeless as the man he had promised to hate.

Sakura felt a shiver run down her back. Sasuke noticed.

His lip twitched when her green eyes hardened with resolve. "I know you don't want to hear this, but you _need _to go back to Ibiki." Sasuke felt his eyes narrow slightly. "I-I…what you're doing isn't healthy, Sasuke-kun. You're getting worse and worse—you're hurting people for no reason. First Hinata-chan, and I noticed how you're bulling a lot of people. You need to—"

Her emerald eyes widen in fear when Sasuke gripped her shoulders and slammed her against the hard object behind them. Sakura leaned away from her friend, ignoring the pain that came at the marble texture digging into her back, when Uchiha scowled at her.

(_Make her understand, Sasuke. Hurt. Her!_)

"What do you know?"

"Sasu…Sasuke!" Sakura whispered fearfully.

She tried to push him away, but Sasuke trapped her between his arms. "You don't understand anything, so stop trying." Sasuke growled between his teeth, making the pink-haired girl quiver slightly.

(Do you realize what you're doing? You fucking psycho—stop!)

For some reason, seeing her cower away from him amused him greatly. It was ironic, really.

"What's wrong, Sakura? I thought you loved me." He wasn't smiling or anything, but his sarcastic tone said it all. "I thought this was what you always wanted; being near me, like this." He emphasized his point by leaning closer to her.

She glared at him. He smirked. "This isn't you, Sasuke."

Really? Was she actually being serious? She knew damn well this was who he was; a sadist. She must have realized sometime during their childhood, doing all those horrible things, that he wasn't exactly sane. Either she was a bigger idiot than he had originally thought, or this was some kind of bullshit denial she was telling herself.

"It isn't." Sasuke tone went from sarcastic to bland as he eyed her with equally bland eyes.

She shook her head, eyes pleading. "No! Y—you act like a jerk at times, but you…you're not evil."

Evil…was he turning to a complete monster?

(Yes.)

(_Too fucking bad_._)_

Hinata hadn't been around. Her soothing presence wasn't with him to keep this monster at bay. Still, even with Hinata this beast in him had tempted to be unleashed on more than one occasion. Many people reminded him of nii-san. He hadn't seen her in three months, forcing all the bottled up emotions that he had kept hidden since he befriended her, finally explode. It was about damn time too.

(You're sick.)

_You're right_.

(_This is your chance. Do it!_)

"I love you, Sakura," he stated in a serious tone. However, that full grown grin of his only made Sakura's eyes widen in hurt.

"S-Stop," she tried pushing him away again, "you don't."

"You love me and you love Naruto." As he said this, his thin lips hovered over hers. Only a tiny bit of space separated them.

(Don't do this! You're going to hurt her!)

Sasuke's lips moved over her pink cheeks, smirking further at the taste of tears. "You want the best of both worlds. Me, the boy you use for your personal gain. Naruto, the boy you use to make yourself feel better."

"S-Sasuke-kun…stop."

"He knows what you're doing," an amused scoff escaped his lips. "It hurts him. Whenever you ignore him to be with me, it kills him in the inside. But you already know that, don't you?"

She was sobbing now, shaking her head back and forth. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt him. I—"

Sasuke gripped her arms suddenly, making her yelp at the pain. "You _do _mean to hurt him. You hate how he has finally given up on you. You hate how he constantly tries to set us up. You hate it, so you make him pay by pretending to love me."

A small gasp escaped her pink lips, but she ignored the bruising grips and shook her head. "I do love you, Sas—"

He shook her forcibly, not caring at the physical pain he was causing her and only concentrating on breaking her down. "No, you don't," he said through clenched teeth. "Stop being such a coward." He sneered. "All you're doing is killing Naruto, selfish bitch."

Sakura physically flinched back from him as if he had actually slapped her. Maybe he did, who knew. He wasn't exactly in the right state of mind.

(She'll hate you forever. )

_Who cares_.

(You should.)

_But I don't._

(You will.)

"You…are the worst." she whispered angrily at him. She had her head bowed to hide her tears.

Sasuke smiled sarcastically. "But, you love me."

Then he did something…really fucked up; Sasuke freed one of his grips from her arm and placed it under her chin. He tilted her head back so she could get a good look at what he was about to do. He bent down till his lips touch hers.

"Sas…" Sakura punched his chest, making him grunt in pain, but his other hand squeezed her arm in warning.

He drowned out her hiss as he kissed her.

This kiss wasn't like the ones he shared with Hinata. This one was bruising, painful and held a lot of rage. Sakura never kissed him back, but he didn't care, all he wanted was to hurt her. When she tried to back away, the hand on her chin gripped the back of her head and held her there. She wasn't going anywhere.

He broke the kiss. "This was what you wanted, right?" They were breathing hard. Sakura had her eyes closed to hide the pain, and Sasuke kept his dark one opened to soak it all in. "You always dreamed of doing this…or," his menacing lips were back on hers, "do you wish I was Naruto?"

Sakura whimpered at the painful lip-locking, but pressed her lips together in silent protest. However, when Sasuke ran his tongue on her lip, the sensation caused her to squeak in surprise. The Uchiha did what he did to Hinata, but with malice; his slick tongue slipped into her mouth. Sakura bit him in order to stop, but Sasuke didn't even feel the pain. He kept exploring her mouth with hidden disgust. Everything he was doing, he only wished to share with Hinata, but she wasn't here and he was angry. He wanted someone to pay.

That was when Sasuke bit Sakura's lip. The pale girl whimpered in either pain or fear, maybe both.

He pulled away slightly. Both Sasuke and Sakura stared one another; one with a look of terror and the other one with silent pleasure. Uchiha ran his tongue over her lip to sooth the pain, but bit her just as soon as he finished. He pulled back until her bottom lip left his teeth.

Sasuke frowned at the girl he had kissed, hiding his disgust with an empty gaze. He felt nothing for her as she sobbed into her hands, if anything he felt annoyance.

"W-Why?"

A lot of annoyance.

"Get out."

She looked up at him, eyes rimmed with red and cheeks stained with tears. She looked a bit hurt by his commanded, as if he was dismissing a whore. He only continued to keep his impassive gaze until she wavered. With a heated glare Sakura pushed him aside and left him alone in the kitchen. The door slamming shut let him know that she out of his house.

(Do you feel better now? Do feel happy losing one of your best friends? After this, you'll lose Naruto too. You know that, right? You'll be a lonely bastard, hated by everybody, including Hinata.)

But he did feel better. He felt lighter than he had in a while. If he could, he would do it again. Screw Hinata, and everybody else. None of them understood him. They didn't know what he went through each and every single day. What he did was to keep himself sane.

_So fuck off._

(Sakura was right. You know doing this would only make you go deeper and deeper within insanity. That darkness locked in your heart is getting stronger, and soon, your monster will tear you apart till you're nothing but a pathetic shell of your former self.)

Fuck!

Sasuke felt himself start to shake, knowing that it was true, but didn't want accept it. Already, that need to…hurt—to kill!—was building its way up. All those months of denying his sadism took its toll. He needed more! Tomorrow, he thought with a smirk. Tomorrow Naruto would confront him. He'll use his best friend as a physical punching bag. He could never break Naruto, that idiot already knew what it felt like to be vulnerable and in hell. Only attacking him physically would satisfy Sasuke.

(When the day comes when you finally break into tiny pieces—)

_Shut the fuck up!_

(—I will be there laughing all the way.)

* * *

Thank you again for the support. Please review and/or leave a constructive criticism.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or the characters. I do own the plot, but I don't earn money out of this. This is for fun.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: OMG, BECKY! Sorry this chapter took so damn long. School, and not to mention life, is such a bitch. This chapter is freakishly long, AND I had to rewrite it...TWICE. The first time because I REALLY didn't like, the second time, because of the recent Naruto Chapter. Honestly, WTF! I saw it coming, I did, but I wished it wasn't true because it just DOESN'T make any sense. There are **WAY **too many plot holes concerning the revelation and I'm seriously pissed of it because it made rewrite this one and the rest of my chapters! Yes, that character has A LOT to do with this story, but I didn't know who it was at the time so I just continued to call him Tobi. I wasn't completely sure, so I didn't bother calling him by his real name. But now I regret that. I have to change a lot of stuff in some of the future chapters, and they're just as long as this one. FUCK! **ANYWAY. **Again, sorry for the long wait, but I hope this fucking long ass chapter makes it up for it. 15,000 words, yo. Yeah, shit just got real.

OKAY, some warnings: Drug abuse, psychotic thoughts, violence, disturbing images, and mentions of rape. Oh, bits of SasuHina interaction in this one. Lol, a lot of people asked where she was, that will be answered in the next chapter. Also, another reviewer _risen truth ruthless lies _had asked what happened to Itachi. I thought that was pretty obvious, but apparently not. I don't want to reveal anything, it's not much of a spoiler, but it has A LOT to do with why Sasuke hated him so much. So...yeah. Fucking long as AN. Sorry, guys!_  
_

**[#]=Note at end of chapter.**

**EDIT: So, I was reading through this chapter, and I literally physically winced. There were SO many miss spellings and grammar mistakes. So, I fixed most of it, but don't hold your breath. I am bad at grammar; there are just some things my mind is willing to process, so there WILL be mistakes here, but hopefully the less obvious ones. Meh, at least I fixed the ones that made my eyes bleed.  
**

* * *

...

Vesania

...

* * *

When he woke up the next day, Sasuke almost expected his room to be covered in fire and blood. What he saw were white walls, a dark lit room, and an uncanny familiar setting. His eyes glanced up at the wall, hating how normal it looked. His life right now, his body, his family, his house…everything was so damn…average. It felt like a sick joke.

When he closed his eyes he saw hell, his hell. He wasn't alone to burn. His mother corpse hung on a noose, swaying back and forth underneath the black fire, teasing it. His father's body was nothing but ashes blowing all around him. The smell, like rotting flesh, made Sasuke want to puke. His bed was wet with blood. He felt nothing as his emotionless eye glanced at the horrifying scene. His drapes were opened; it was bright night.

Across his window was a small coffee table. On the table was a shiny, silver gun.

Sasuke stared at it. His finger twitched.

The moon stalking out his window flickered in laughter, forcing the image of his brother to stand behind the coffee table. His silhouetted finger pointed towards the gun, and then he was gone. Sasuke, for some odd reason, felt compelled to listen to nii-san. He slowly got up from his bed, hating the feeling of blood seeping onto his body. It covered his whole back. He felt himself shutter at the sensation, but he paid little mind to it. The gun kept calling him. He felt nothing as he stepped on the fire, but the yells that belonged to his father echoed throughout his room.

_'Get out of my sight!'_

_'Wipe those tears off, you little shit! There will be no crying my house.'_

_'Useless, like your mother.'_

_'Stay on the dirt where you belong!'_

_'You're nothing like your brother.'_

_'Why are you such a failure?'_

The echoes, they rung in his ear like a siren. It hurt him. Sasuke's steps became determined—steadier. As he stepped through the fire his mind kept growling. Something in him whispered…_things_. The dark growl that sounded so much like a certain someone's voice told him to use the metal on others. He needed to kill. He needed to make people suffer as he had. That was the only way to make this void in him complete. Was it true? Could that actually work?

_But…I don't want to_

(_You have to!_) It yelled. (_These idiots think they know you—they think they can control you! Make them understand_)

Sasuke took a deep breath and shoved the voice away. It roared at him, but he ignored it. He wouldn't go that _low_. He wasn't a complete monster like nii-san was. But, he was tired. Eleven years of fighting off all those horrid memories had taken its toll. He remembered so much now; his mother, the abuse, the hate. Yet, the one thing that he had refused to completely remember was that bright night. He would rather not remember it. He'd rather _die_. Was that why that gun was there, in his hell? It was nii-san's gun; it had a blood printed hand on it. The trigger was dripping with blood, pooling the coffee table with it. It looked the same as it had that day. Yeah, it was definitely his gun. Was if giving him an opportunity to escape this damn place?

If it was, then he'll take it.

Hesitating a bit, Sasuke swallowed the bile coming up and grabbed the bloody weapon. As soon as he touched the thick, red liquid, Sasuke dropped the weapon as if it had burned him. It was too late; his hand was covered in blood. He started shaking and continued to stare at the liquid with such intensity, as if looked at it hard enough it would disappear.

"Shit," Sasuke hissed between his teeth.

His hands turned into fists. He didn't want to see the blood, but the shaking had to stop! His onyx eyes darted back to the gun. It burned with hatred as he stared at the blood covered weapon. He wanted everything to end! He wanted _this _to end. His pathetic fears, his frightening thoughts, his good for nothing life—he wanted them to _die away_!

(Do it then.)

"I can't." his voice was shaky and hoarse. It burned. It sounded defeated.

(You're so weak.)

The smell of blood attacked Sasuke's nose, causing the uncontrollable urge to puke wrenched out of his mouth. His empty stomach clenched painfully as he dry heaved. Hands and knees wobbled against the fire filled floor coughing when the disgusting sensation finally went away. Sasuke kneeled against the carpet. His hands were fisted into his hair pulling angrily to feel pain in order to distract himself from the scent of blood filling his room. He breathed through his mouth and counted to ten.

_1, 2, 3, 4, 5—_

He felt a hand grab his shoulder and everything after that was all instinct. His fist flew and punched the thing that dare lay a finger on him. A loud _smack _echoed throughout his hell. Sasuke barely felt the pain throbbing on his knuckles, but he did feel the satisfaction of releasing all that anger and frustration since he had woken up. Without realizing, Sasuke smirked.

"Sasuke!"

At the sound of the voice, Sasuke blinked, and then his hell went back to being normal. He crazily searched his room for any sign of what he had just seen. He had never gotten up from his bed, nor was the bloody gun or coffee table in front of his window, just a desk. There was no fire, or ashes, or laughter, or his dead mother hanging on the ceiling. There was _nothing_. Did he imagine everything? Confused and feeling a bit groggy, Sasuke lazily sat up on his bed, but his gaze widen as watched his adoptive father messaging his unmasked jaw on his floor.

This surprised him; he had never seen Kakashi without his mask. The man had no buckteeth—unfortunately—but his lips were thin and bruised. The cheekbones weren't wide at all, not like he had thought, but were more roundish, like Naruto's cheeks. His jaw line wasn't all that sharp or angled, they were softer looking than he had expected. His nose was thin and, dare he say, perfect—bleh. Overall, Sasuke had expected Kakashi to be somewhat ugly and unworthy of society. That bruise did make him less pretty looking though.

"Sasuke, are you okay?"

Said Uchiha blinked at how much easier it was to read the man before him. However, that surprise was replaced with annoyance when he invaded his personal space.

Sasuke slapped the hand away before it touched him. "I'm fantastic."

Kakashi stopped rubbing his jaw and sent Sasuke a disapproving look. "Don't use that tone with me. I just heard you scream bloody murder." He frowned a bit. "When I tried to wake you up, you punched me."

That was who he had hit? Sasuke took a peek at his fist and saw how red his knuckles were; they were going to bruise soon. Then his eyes observed the already bruised lips on Kakashi and noticed a bit of blood coming out of the corner of his mouth. Sasuke quickly glanced at Kakashi's dark eyes. He was worried, but there was a hint of fear.

"I…was asleep?" He sounded lost, but he didn't care. Sasuke was so damn tired of everything.

Kakashi nodded hesitantly. "You haven't screamed like that in a long time. It scared me."

"Oh." He didn't know what else to say.

The silence stretched. Sasuke was honestly at lost for words. That hallucination—nightmare, apparently—felt so damn real. Every word he heard his father say, everything image he saw it all felt like he was actually being stabbed in the chest. The blood, the gun, the cold fire…it was all faked. The dreams he had were always three dimensional and very real, but not on this very level. He could still feel the pain writhing in his stomach after all the dry heaving. His throat hurt though…it must have been from all that yelling.

Either Sasuke had finally lost it or his nightmares were finally telling him to just give up and die already. He wasn't worth anything, not to nii-san, not to tou-san, and not to kaa-san. Why not give the world a favor and just disappear?

(You have thought of that already. It didn't work back then, why would this make any different)

_I'm sick of this. I'm tired of feeling angry and dead all the damn time._

(I'm tired of _you _not taking advantage of the life you have now.)

_What's that supposed to mean?_

(You're stuck in the past, move on and continue onward to the future…idiot.)

And image of a bloodied envelope popped into his mind, but Sasuke shook that thought away. He didn't want to deal with that right now. He…he just needed to rest. He needed to release everything.

"Sasuke, today's Sunday." Kakashi sat on his bed. "I think…you should go pay Ibiki a visit."

Sasuke was so worked up he didn't he bother to scowl.

Should he go to that man? He hadn't seen him since he was twelve. That last session was a complete and utter fail. The young Uchiha hadn't even bothered to answer any of his questions and Ibiki, who had zero tolerance for "rebellious brats", kicked him out and told him not to bother coming back until he was ready. He hadn't been ready back then, what made Kakashi think he was ready now?

Everything he had done—what he had just done yesterday—wasn't healthy, Sakura was right. He knew this, he told himself this every day, but the satisfaction he felt after he did it felt amazing; it was his drug. That was the price that came with sadism, but it had escalated over the past few years. Ever since he was thirteen, he stopped trying to scare people but attacked them verbally. He went for their weakness and exploited them until they were nothing but the walking dead. The evil in him always told him to do these things, because it was easier to deal with.

He never felt guilt, because the monster wouldn't let him. He always smiled, because the monster was satisfied that his hunger was quenched. The monster had been his companion for most of his life, and it sure as hell wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, but Sasuke didn't mind. He was familiar with it. It was the only thing that understood him. But…he was thinking of hurting his friends, first Sakura and now Naruto. And even Hinata.

"I'll think about it," Sasuke said quietly, looking like nothing was out of the ordinary.

But it was too strong. It growled in hunger. It needed to be let out. Sasuke didn't bother to fight it.

"Sasuke, it's six o'clock, I think—"

Sasuke glared at Kakashi. "I'm fine." No way in hell was he sleeping again. "Just get out." The scarecrow slightly raised an eyebrow at the dangerous tone setting into Sasuke's voice, but didn't bother him any further. He left.

Sasuke didn't loosen up in the least when he heard the sound of the door clicking closed. He was still stiff and very scared. He sat on his bed for a few minutes, trying to shake the feeling off, but then he kept seeing that fucking envelope! He had forgotten about it over the years, something he had been successful at, but this nightmare…fuck. He didn't want to do it, but if he just took a glance at it, then it might help this…stupid curiosity to stop.

(_You should burn it_)

(Don't listen to it, Sasuke! You need to do read it)

Just like in his dream, Sasuke slowly got up from his bed and took determined strides towards his desk. He gripped the handle to the drawer. With a loud gulp, Sasuke pulled it open. A sharp intake of breath left his mouth at the forgotten envelope lying inside.

He purposely left it in there after Kakashi brought him to his home. He _promised _himself that he would never open this drawer so he could forget the damn paper. That dream…why now? Sasuke scrutinized the crusted paper, hating the dried up bloodied finger print etched into it. It made him remember too much for his own good. This…this was too much for him—he couldn't do it.

(Read it. If you want everything to end, read the damn letter and move the fuck on!)

Sasuke shook his head.

_No…._

He closed the drawer shut and turned his back on it.

_Not now._

**0000**

_Sasuke hated hospitals. He hated the smell. He hated the plain walls. He hated the people that touched him. But most of all, he hated the people who try to get him to talk. A psychiatrist? He didn't need this crap after everything that had just happened only a week ago. He didn't need to talk. He didn't! What he wanted was to get some damn sleep! With those thoughts in mind, Sasuke heatedly glared at the man sitting across from him._

_His name was Yamanaka Inoichi. A child psychiatrist. A scum who didn't realize that Sasuke wanted to be left alone!_

_When the blonde man sent him a kind, small smile, Sasuke scowled and turned his gaze towards the white wall next to him. They were in a bright room, filled with nothing but white. The only color that was in the room was the steel table and chair. Not even Sasuke had bright clothing on, just the traditional hospital gown that made him want to tear it to shreds. _

_Sasuke slightly narrowed his large eyes at the black tape recorder Inoichi set on the middle of the table._

_"Sasuke, I'm going to ask you a few questions and I would appreciate it if you speak clearly, alright?" Sasuke said nothing and continued to stare at the wall._

_He heard a soft sigh escape the older man. "Tell me about your family life?"_

_Sasuke's fists clenched. Was that man actually being serious? Did he really just ask him an obvious question when the answer was right in front of his face?_

_"Sasuke, please answer me."_

_With a sharp glare, the little Uchiha turned his face towards the doctor. He pointed to the fading bruises on his face. "Does this answer your stupid question?"_

_Sympathy flashed in those green eyes before going back to being neutral, but Sasuke noticed. He noticed and it pissed him off._

_"Kakashi-san had stated in his reports about the abuse going on in the house," the blonde raised in an eyebrow. "What else happened?"_

_His mother's bruised face and harsh wails pierced his mind, but Sasuke _refused _to show weakness in front of his man. He already knew what happened. Sasuke _remembered _mumbling all his secrets to Kakashi during his state of shock. So if the scarecrow told this idiot about the abuse, then he would have told him everything else as well. So, he said nothing, but continued to glare at the man before him._

_When it was clear the seven year old wasn't going to say anything, Inoichi asked a new question, "Kakashi has been training your brother, am I correct?" Sasuke stiffened at the mention of that…monster. "Can you please tell me any changes you noticed in Ita—"_

_"Don't say his name," Sasuke ground out, fist clenched enough to draw out blood._

_Inoichi frowned a bit. "Pardon?"_

_The little boy's gaze pierced the older man's with such ferocity. "_Do not _say his name."_

_The older man couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy squeeze his heart at the absolute fear dancing in his young eyes. "Sasuke," he said gently, "your brot—"_

_"He's not my brother!" Sasuke practically shouted. "He's evil. He killed kaa-san and tou-san. He almost killed me. He…he…" Sasuke shook his head. "He isn't my nii-san." The little boy swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "He…ruined my life. He took everything from me." _

_"Your…" Inoichi trailed off, not wanting to make a mistake again. "He…wasn't sane, Sasuke. He was very sick. What he had witnessed and what his father put him through took a toll on him. You were his breaking point." Sasuke placed his hands over his hears, but Inoichi continued. "He cared for you, Sasuke. What he did, as ruthless as it was, he did it to protect you."_

_Sasuke shook his head, burying his hand into his hair. He pulled and pulled till he was sure he tore off a handful. "N-No! He..." he shut eyes closed and leaned his forehead against the cold steel table. "You didn't see him. Y-You didn't!"_

_Bloody hands, a peaceful look, and a real smile were all graced on the boy that night. It was the first time he had looked so calm, so real. It was sick._

_"He was tryi—"_

_Sasuke suddenly slammed his tiny fists onto the table, not caring at the pain shooting into his hands, and sneered at the psychiatrist. "I don't care!" He shouted. "I don't care! I don't care!" But he did care, he cared and it sent his mind into a state of frenzy. _

_"Sas—"_

_"Shut up!" The little boy growled. "You don't know anything. You don't! So, shut the hell up!"_

_Inoichi, surprised by outburst, followed the boy's command. He was too in shock too even have comprehended what he had just seen. Sasuke didn't care, he just wanted to get the hell out of this room. It was suffocating. It felt like the walls were closing on him. He even felt like someone staring at him, not including Inoichi. Without the consent of the older man, Sasuke got off the chair and opened the door._

_"We're done here," he calmly said before shutting the door, not noticing at the absolute concern blaring out of those dark grey eyes staring at him through the two-way window._

_Sasuke, still shaking slightly, made his way towards his room._

**0000**

Uchiha went to the park with his cigarettes in his pants' pocket and a sake bottle swaying between his fingers. It was still early in the morning, so there weren't any kids around to play. He could get high and drunk as much as he wanted without any unwanted interruptions. Of course, if that interruption was Naruto, then he wouldn't mind so much.

He sat on his usual bench and leaned his head against the wood to look up at the cloudy sky. _Typical_, he thought bitterly. What a perfect atmosphere to match his mood; dark, cloudy and unpredictable. With a soft snort, Sasuke lifted his head and began to light up his cigarette. He blew out the smoke with a heavy sigh, opening the sake bottle with his cigarette between his fingers.

He leaned his head back as he took a heavy and long drink of the alcohol. He felt a slight pleasure when he felt the liquid burn his throat. He took a deep breath before taking another long gulp. Already his mind became a bit cloudy and his thought process had slowed down. Good. He couldn't afford to think too much or his monster would just attack him when he least expected. Sasuke knew that sooner or later he wouldn't be able to resist the temptations.

He would hurt someone physically and he would enjoy it. The simple thought sickened him to no end.

Placing the bottle next to him, Sasuke began smoking once again. He wanted to feel the chemical spread throughout his body. He wanted to feel high. He wanted to think that everything was fine. This drug kept his monster in bay. He wouldn't torment him with it there.

Sasuke continued smoking until his third cigarette before Naruto came.

He barely noticed him. His set of mind wasn't exactly sharp at the moment. What he did feel was a palpable malice. It made him smile a bit.

"Since when the hell did you smoke?" The husky voice asked him almost angrily.

Sasuke lazily looked at his friend out of the corner of his eyes before turning it back to the empty playground in front of them. He shrugged at his question.

"Teme," with a loud growl, the blonde boy stepped into the Sasuke's view. The older boy looked up at him then narrowed his eyes at the heated glare those cerulean eyes were sending him.

"What's wrong with you?"

The question wasn't asked out of concern. It wasn't asked because he was doing something harmful. It had an implied question; "Why are you fucked up?"

Uchiha couldn't help but smirk. "I knew you'd come looking for me." He breathed in the smoke.

Naruto scrunched his nose up. "Sasuke, what you did to Sakura was…" he shook his head. "It's horrible."

He scoffed, making the most of the smoke blow out. "I kissed her, big whoop."Blue eyes hardened at his friend's nonchalant attitude. Sasuke noticed, but did nothing to calm him. His monster quietly began whispering things to him.

(_Burn him, Sasuke. Make him hurt. Make him feel the pain you do_)

But he was quiet.

(_Do it now!_)

So fucking quiet, he barely heard it.

Still, that urge to just take his anger out had reached its breaking point. Add alcohol and drugs into the mix and it made him want to do things without thinking. What the hell did it matter now? It wasn't like he had the urge to just make him bleed. The chemicals in his system calmed down the temptation. He wanted a punching bag though, and he wanted it _now_.

Sasuke flicked his lit cigarette on the ground and crushed it beneath his foot.

"What," he continued, "did Sakura come crying to you?" He smirked up at his blonde friend. "Like she always does?"

Naruto scowled down before he grabbed onto Sasuke's shirt and pulled him up to his eye level. "Bastard, I had to _force _her to look at me, and do you know what I saw?" Sasuke said nothing. "Her lips are bruised!" He growled out. "She has marks on her lips, bastard. She won't say it was you, but I know you did it, teme."

Sasuke continued to look at Naruto with impassive eyes. "What makes you think that?"

"I'm not stupid, Sasuke," Naruto's fist clenched tighter into his white shirt. "You've been acting so damn uncontrollable lately. You pick on people for every fucking thing, dattebayo. I know it isn't enough though. You're never satisfied until the person is left crying or completely out of it. I know you did it to Sakura because she had the look in her eyes."

Sasuke didn't say anything for a while. Dark eyes stared at blue ones, trying to process what he had just heard. The old him would have been disgusted with himself; for hurting a friend. But this Sasuke, the one practically being consumed by his own sadism and clouded by drugs and alcohol just….didn't care. Ironic, he always feared turning out like this, like his father, but now that he's actually in this state his mind just couldn't comprehend it.

It could be just the drugs doing this to him.

(Weakling)

Yeah, it was definitely the drugs.

And because of the drugs and alcohol, Sasuke's tongue was too loose at the moment.

"I didn't do anything she didn't want."

_Smack_!

Sasuke grunted at the impact of Naruto's fist connecting with his face. He landed on the grass ground with soft _thump_. He didn't move at all, but stared up at the cloudy sky with a smirk. The bruise forming on his face pulsed with a pleasuring pain. Finally—_finally_! Was this feeling what everybody felt when he was finished with them? A painful thump that continued until it formed onto their skin? It would heal, but never forgotten.

Or…was this just the icing on the cake? There had to be _more _than this. The pain was already numb, making his smirk disappear. No…he had to have more. He wasn't _satisfied yet._

(What, now you're some masochistic freak?)

"Did you know," Sasuke glanced up at this friend, "that Sakura didn't want to kiss me?" He smiled. "She was scared. I was hurt Naruto. I finally confessed and she rejected me."

His smirk widen at Naruto's fierce sneer. "Bastard, you played with her feelings!"

Sasuke laughed bitterly while he slowly got up from the ground. He faced his friend but his eyes were only on the sky. "Played with her feelings? Naruto, I thought you wanted this."

"You don't love her!"

This time his dark eyes landed on Naruto's face. "Is that so?"

"You said so yourself," Naruto got angrier as the second passed, because he knew what cold boy was trying to do and he was stupid enough to fall into his trap, "you said you would never care for her like that! So why did you do it?"

Sasuke laughed.

"So you can feel in control?" Naruto's voice shook in slight panic. Looking at his friend now…he couldn't believe he was the same person. "Or so people will know what you went through? Is that why you did it to Sakura and Hinata?"

At the sound of the Hyuuga's name, Sasuke finally stopped his laughter. However, now Naruto wasn't able to see anything on Sasuke's face. No amusement, no anger, no joy…nothing.

Sasuke though, he didn't know how to identify what he was feeling. He blamed it on the drugs, but he knew that he _didn't want _to feel this. Naruto was supposed to be his best friend. He had _promised _that he wouldn't do anything to hurt him and vice-versa. So _why_? Why would he mention what he did to Hinata? He knew that he regretted it every single day. There was no need for throwing it back to his face like a flying football.

He felt betrayed and he wanted Naruto to feel the same way.

Sasuke tilted his head slightly and narrowed his dark eyes at him. "If you love Sakura so much, why did you give up on her?"

"Eh?" Naruto blinked in confusion.

"Sakura is angry with you. She _loves _you." Sasuke grinned at his friend's shocked face. "She moves between the two of us just to hurt you," he shrugged, "but you already know that."

"I—"

"You're no better," Sasuke interrupted him before he was able to speak.

"What are you talking about, teme!?"

Sasuke couldn't help but chuckle at his friend's stupid denial motives. "You guys both use me; Sakura, to make you jealous, and you, to make her come back to you." Uchiha sighed at Naruto's confused face. "Don't play dumb, Uzumaki. You let her go 'cause the only other person she was interested in was me."

Naruto frowned and took a step forward. "That's not tr—"

"It is true, idiot!" The blonde boy paused at hearing the growl escape from Sasuke's lips. "You _knew _I would never love her like she wanted me to. Every time I rejected her she always went back to you and you took advantage of that."

"Shut up!" He shook his head. "That isn't true Sasuke! I would never do—"

"But you have, and you would have continued to do so!" Sasuke screamed back at his friend. "You're both idiots. I was part of your bullshit love triangle when it shouldn't have happened! You guys _used _me—"

"You got it all wrong—"

"You guys are lower than _shit_."

With a piercing glare, Naruto swung at him. This time, Sasuke was able to dodge, but he didn't attack. He smirked at his friend's wild and uncontrollable attacks. The only time Naruto acted like this were when he was blinded by rage. Sasuke knew he was being hypocritical about the whole betrayal thing, but he just wasn't thinking straight, and he didn't want to. If he had been sober enough, the edge of those words would have been twice as painful. And the words he threw at Naruto would make his monster roar for more.

This balance was okay, but it still _wasn't _enough.

Sasuke grabbed one of Naruto's fists before it hit his face and punched him with his free hand. The shorter boy took a few steps back at the impact. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and continued to sneer at the raven-haired boy.

Sasuke kicked the dirt under his feet before he spoke, "What's the difference between Sakura and Hinata?"

"What do you mean?" Naruto didn't yell, but his whispered words sounded threatening all the same.

Sasuke watch his friend's tense body with a smirk. He looked like an animal ready to pounce. It was morbidly amusing for some reason.

"You know what I did to Hinata," Sasuke accused. "What made you think her situation was better than Sakura's?"

When it was obvious the idiot didn't understand what Sasuke was trying to say, he became a bit frustrated. "Dumbass, why didn't you protect Hinata?"

The words seemed to have shocked Naruto; his eyes widened. He suddenly looked at the ground, ashamed but his tight fist told Sasuke that his "friend" was anything but guilty.

"That's different, 'ttebayo."

The raven haired boy almost felt like choking the life out of Naruto, but he resisted the urge and glared instead. "You know damn well that there's no difference. What I _did_," Sasuke raised his voice to stop the protest from escaping the blonde boy's mouth, "I did it because I _enjoyed _it. What, you now protest because this time it was your precious Sakura-_chan_?"

Uzumaki writhed in his place, squirming and clenching his fist to stop the obvious verbal attack. Sasuke noticed his friend fighting off his rage, but he didn't give a _damn_. He wasn't that drunk, but his clouded thoughts did wonders to him. It hushed his monster, but the actually feeling of…hurting something wouldn't fucking go away! Fuck this. Fuck the useless drugs. Fuck his life and fuck Naruto!

"Hinata used to love you," Sasuke couldn't bother himself smirking. He hated Naruto for that simple fact, and it fucking scared him how it could be possible that she still might love him. She had never done anything to prove him right, but his possessive thoughts only got worse as the months flew by.

He wanted to keep her for himself. She kept him _sane_! He needed that! He had never felt so fucking right in his life. And she smelled so good. Her skin was soft…

And…and…

(You miss her)

(_You want to ruin her_)

Naruto, surprised by his earlier comment, turned white. "W-What?"

"That's right," he scoffed. "The soft spoken, shy, _innocent _girl, who you consider to be your so called 'friend', loved _you_." His voice was laced with disgust. "Yet, you did _nothing _about. You even thought I continued to hurt her for months, but you _didn't even think to stop me!_"

Naruto shook his head and yelled to stop the raven from continuing, "You _physically _harmed Sakura!"

_I almost raped Hinata…_

The raven mentally slapped himself for thinking of it.

"Cry me a river," Sasuke tried to keep his voice calm, but the slight tremor was noticed by both boys. There was also no bite to his comment. He was losing his temper, and he would snap at any moment.

"You never cared about Hinata, did you," Sasuke continued, his voice accruing with each passing word. "Sakura has you so wrapped around her fingers you forget about everything else! You. Obsessive. _Demon_!"

Sasuke hit way below the belt, he knew. Hell, the darkening shade of Naruto's eyes practically yelled _murder_. He didn't care. He didn't care that he had used the word that mentally scarred his shorter friend, or that he was only doing this _just to pick a fight_. He couldn't hold this malice any longer.

So when Naruto swung at him, he swung right back. Both fist connected, but they recovered a second later. The next few minutes was passed by loud cuss words, grunts, skin connecting to skin. One continuously shouted out "bastard" with more anger than ever before. The other, silent but equally angered one, punched with as much might and wrestled with more force than he had in his whole life.

His pent up rage since he held in since his brother's betrayal was finally being released through a violent, brutal and physical outlet. He had _sworn _he would _never _physically harm anyone, but the last few months had turned into complete hell. Hinata's disappearance was the stressor, his held in emotions, the failed drug and alcohol, the nightmares, and that _fucking envelope _added to his rage. His monster made things worse. He just couldn't resist anymore.

He tackled the shorter boy to the ground, straddling him as he repeatedly punched his face. Naruto stopped fighting and allowed the raven to harm him, but Sasuke didn't notice nor did he care. Both didn't even notice other people watching them in horror, but none had the guts to take the deadly teenager off the bright one. Some were on their phones, calling the cops.

Sasuke wanted to get all off his damn chest and Naruto just wanted his friend to get it all over with.

Usually, smelling or looking at blood made him look like a mess, but he was blinded by rage. So he ignored the red liquid on his fists and the ones covering his friend's face. His fear of blood was ridiculous, and he subconsciously found it amazing that hadn't freaked out yet, but he was fighting something else this time. Words that he had forced to keep locked away was building its way up. He gritted his teeth till he was sure he chipped a tooth and punched harder.

(Let it out)

_No!_

With a loud growl, Sasuke stopped his assault and ran both bloody hands into his hair. He pulled and pulled. He bit his tongue till he tasted the metallic taste of blood and even whimpered to keep _his fucking mouth shut_!

"Sasuke," the soft whisper didn't reach his ears. He ignored his friend's worrying voice, and got off of him. He crawled slowly away, his back facing him, until he puked.

"Sasuke!"

A hand touched his shoulder. The urge to rip it off took a toll on him, so he puked even more. "Get the fuck away from me!" he retched out, choking on his spit.

(Just fucking say it!)

_I can't! It'll…_

(_It'll make things a reality? Come on, you already know it's true. You're a monster, through and through, just like your pathetic father)_

After a few coughs, Sasuke finally stopped his vomiting, but the frenzy beating of his heart didn't stop. Those words were still trying to force themselves out and Sasuke found himself breaking.

He ran another bloodied hand through his wet hair. "_Fuck_." Hell, even his voice sounded pathetic, like a kicked puppy.

Sasuke didn't hear his friend walk till he reached him. He didn't even notice Naruto crouch in front of him. Wiping the blood off his face with his shirt while he sat there waiting for a reaction. He almost reached out to touch the Uchiha, but stopped at the last second.

"Sasuke…tell me," he said gently at last.

And just like that, a dam broke.

"I almost…_raped _her," Sasuke took a shaky breath and lowered his head.

A pause. "Hinata?" Sasuke hesitated before nodding slowly. He heard Naruto take a sharp intake of breath and then, silence.

But once that single confession was out, he just couldn't keep his mouth shut, "I think of doing things to her."

It took a whole minute before the blonde spoke, "Things…"

"Horrible…_horrible _things. I—" Sasuke stopped talking, because he needed to take _calm breaths_. In and out, he told himself. When he was sure he wouldn't have a panic attack, he continued, "I also think of attacking people."

"Sas—" The Uchiha looked up at his friend, not noticing all the still bleeding cuts and bruises forming on his face.

The Uzumaki's blue eyes widen at the absolute horror prancing in those onyx gazes. "Naruto, I'm going fucking crazy! I-I…I'm starting to remember everything. I think of my mom's screams and her _damn eyes_—God, you should have seen them. Hinata looked at me the same way. I just…I'm becoming like my dad. A-And I almost _fucked _her, Naruto! My dad did the same thing to my mom, you know, and when Hinata gave me that look, it just reminded so much of my mom and I know she hates me because she has a right to!" He was babbling now, something he had never done before, but he couldn't stop himself.

"I can't do that to her. I _can't _become like tou-san! I'd rather die, but…but I am him, right? I'm exactly like him—fuck! And my nightmares; I can't sleep anymore. I dream of him and of blood. My mom—there's fire everywhere! That gun—"

"Sasuke!"

The loud shout stopped the raven from having his near panic attack again. His dark eyes crazily landed on Naruto's blue ones, gasping for air he desperately needed. He blinked away the tears blurring his vision.

Naruto smiled. "Let's go to Ibiki." Sasuke, usually angered by those patronizing grins, mutely nodded in agreement.

The bright boy wasn't smiling because the Uchiha finally let his thoughts pour out. He wasn't happy. That grin spoke wonders, because it was the same smile Naruto and Sasuke shared together after each shared their nightmares. It was an empathetic smile.

Even after what he had done to his best friend, that boy continued to stand by him through thick and thin. If Sasuke was being honest with himself, he hoped he continued to do that. He knew if he had never meant the overly loud boy. He would have lost his mind a long time ago.

**0000**

_Sasuke stared at the bloodied envelope fisted in his tiny hands with silent rage. His pursed lips were kept shut to avoid muttering a word to awake the other patient next to him. That man was hidden behind the white curtains so he had never seen him. He had came in to his room only a day ago, but he had noticed how strange all the nurses acted around him._

_But it was none of his business, so he didn't care._

_Sasuke decided to go to bed when he felt his eyes droop with sleep. He shoved the envelope under his pillow and fell onto his bed. He knew he shouldn't sleep at all, what with the nightmares keeping him up, but it had been since that day he couldn't get any sleep, not even a wink. In other words, he was dead tired. As soon as he closed his he felt like he was being sucked into nothingness._

_"Kid."_

_The deep voice caused Sasuke to snap his eyes open. Sometimes he damned how much of a light sleeper he was. The person next to him called out, but he decided to ignore him. With an angry frown, Sasuke turned his body away from the other patient's direction and tried to sleep again._

_"I know you can hear me, Uchiha." Said boy froze at the mention of his surname. "I heard in the news what happened. I should have expected it, knowing your father."_

_Feeling rage bubble in his stomach, Sasuke sat up and pulled the curtains away. He was surprised to see that the other patient's was opened as well, but what was more shocking was his appearance. He couldn't see his face at all. His whole body was bandaged up except for a single black eye and equally dark hair. His lower body was covered by his blanket._

_The little boy felt a bit scared staring into that man's eye…he was amused and…calculating. Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, but no words escaped his mouth._

_"Cat got your tongue?" The man teased lightly. Even with the humor in his voice, the seven year old glared. "Ooh, scary."_

_"It wasn't my dad, it was…"_

_"I know who it was," the man interrupted. No emotion was caught in his tone, not even sympathy. "That's not what I meant."_

_Losing that sense of fear encouraged the boy further. "Who are you?"_

_The man was silent for a moment. His single eye felt like it was staring a hole into Sasuke's head. It was unnerving, and the seven year old was able to feel a sense of malice hit the room. Was it directed at him? He wondered while he fought his own fear and stared back at that dark gaze._

_The man finally scoffed. "I am no one," he shrugged, "at least that's what they say."_

_"They?"_

_"Who else, kid?" Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from snapping at the man's condescending tone. "Those damn doctors up there." The man pointed up towards the roof._

_The little boy furrowed his eyebrows. "The floor above us?"_

_He nodded. "I know who I am, but they try to deny me." A deep chuckle was heard. For some reason, it caused goose bumps to rise on his arms. "I am Uchiha Madara_**[1]**."

_"Uchiha?" Little Sasuke shook his head. "I never heard of you…a Madara. You're lying." _

_He practically knew every single living relative he had. He hated every single one of them. All they ever cared about was his brother and looked down on him for not being as great, like tou-san did. He was glad that no one had taken him in for now. He didn't want to live through more of that familiar hell. But…he had never heard of anyone named Madara. He also couldn't see the man's face, so he wasn't able to look at his features._

_"You're _lying_," he repeated more forcibly._

_The older man looked away from the boy, grunting. "Believe what you want, kid. I am an Uchiha. Your idiotic clan denied my existence for far too long, and they'll get what's coming to them." He paused for a second before he chuckled. "Well, the death of the head clan member is a start. I should thank your brother."_

_Sasuke gritted his teeth to keep the scream from escaping his lips. _

_The mention of that monster always made him feel like he was dying. His heart beats faster than usual and he broke out in cold sweats. Not to mention his breathing worsened. Kakashi taught him how keep it control, fortunately._

In and out, _the little boy closed his eyes and took deep and slow breaths. After a few seconds, his breathing was under control, but the anger he felt wouldn't go away. He snapped his eyes opened to send the man a deadly stare, but he was sleeping._

Or dead.

_He didn't care either way, he just wanted some sleep. He had seen enough dead bodies to last him a life time. Sasuke let his head hit the soft pillow, letting his close in the process. He was finally going to get sleep, even if it meant having nightmares._

_"Oh, hello."_

Or not…

_Sasuke groaned at the overly cheerful voice, wishing with all his might that it would disappear._

_"Hey, hey, little boy!" Sasuke snapped his eyes open and sent eye daggers at the man next to him. The man cringed slightly at the sight. "S-Scary." The seven year old blinked at his tone and voice. _

_Unlike before, the man seemed honestly frightened by his glare. It would have been very amusing were it not for the simple fact that "Madara's" voice changed. It went from a deep, manipulative tone to a high and naïve one._

_"Are you trying to be funny?" Sasuke asked with a scowl._

_Madara hastily shook his head. "N-No…I, um, I was wondering who you are." He chuckled nervously. "I have never seen you before. Are you my new friend?"_

_Was he being serious? Whatever, if it meant satisfying him to get some sleep, Sasuke would amuse him._

_"I'm Uchiha Sasuke, and I'm not your friend, Madara."_

_Said man sat up on his bed and blinked confusingly at him. "M-Madara?" He shook his head slowly this time. "You've got it wrong, I'm Tobi."_

_"Tobi?" He has got to be kidding. "Stop the messing with me. You just told me you were Uchiha Madara."_

_The man rubbed a bandaged hand on the back of his neck. "Heh, don't listen to that meany. I'm Tobi! Madara likes to bully me lots, but Tobi is a good boy…so why does he do it?"_

_Sasuke couldn't believe what he was seeing. This man was able to changed personalities within a blink of an eye. He couldn't tell if the man was just messing with him or if he was being sincere. Hearing M—Tobi's—distressed whimpers made him believe that it was the latter. So…was he sick? Is that why he was at the hospital? Sasuke looked up at the roof. What was on that floor above them?_

_"Tobi?" Sasuke looked back at the innocent man. "Why did you come here?"_

_From what he could tell, Tobi was smiling beneath the bandages. "Oh! Madara did something horrible to one of the other patients up there, so she took Deidara-Senpai's lighter and burned him! I told Madara-kun it was a bad idea, but he said that she got what she deserved."_

_"What happened to her?"_

_"Madara killed her!" The high laughter caused intense fear grip Sasuke's heart. Images of his brother stabbed his mind—that stupid smile. _

_"After we heal up," Tobi continued, "the doctors said we can go to this big magical place where other people like us go to."_

_Sasuke swallowed audibly. "Where?"_

_It was silent again. Tobi stared at him with a dead gaze. It was so unnerving that Sasuke just _had _to look away! It looked so much like his brother's eyes…it made him mad. _

_Tobi blinked. "He meant we're going to prison."_

_Sasuke snapped his mouth shut when he heard that dreadful deep voice. The shock was too great for him. He couldn't take anymore, he just wanted to sleep!_

_Tobi or Madara, looked up at the boy's heart monitor. The beeping sound accrued to an almost frantic state. Soon the nurses would come in here, but he had to make his point across before that. "Did you know that I had a younger brother?"_

_That got Sasuke's attention._

_"We didn't have a good life. Our father was abusive and our mother was a neglectful whore. So…do you know what I did?" Sasuke clawed at his heart and shook his head. "When I turned sixteen, I killed my parents."_

_The little boy's machine started to beat faster. Sasuke's breathing became uneven._

_"I shot them both…right in the head." The man closed his eyes then. "I then took my brother's life."_

_"S-Sto—"_

_"I knew I would be on the run for the rest of my life, and I didn't want that for my little brother. At least he's in peace now." _

_Sasuke gasped. "Y-You…bastard."_

_"Am I?" He stopped talking. The only sound that was heard was the increasing rate of Sasuke's heart monitor. Then, he shrugged. "No, I'm just a coward. Your brother—"_

_"Shut up!" _

_"—he wasn't. You and I both know why he did it—"_

_"K-Kakashi!" The little boy called out the man that had been taking care of him since all this began._

_"What?" A deep chuckle rang throughout the loud room. "You're trying to deny his deeds? You know what that does to you?" He pointed to himself. "You'll end up like me."_

_Sasuke shook his head at the claim. Both hands were on his ears to block out his sadistic voice. He wasn't crazy! He wasn't like that man! Madara was like his brother, a monster that took pleasure in taking other's lives. He…he…Sasuke couldn't take it! Thinking of his brother with that smile, the envelope given to him, his mother's smile…why!? _

I'm not monster I'm not a monster I'm not a monster I'm not a monster!

(_Soon_)

_Sasuke gasped at the voice whispering in his head. What did it want? What? Blood? No, he couldn't do that. Only nii-san and tou-san were capable of such things. He wasn't a _monster!

(_Like father like son)_

_Sasuke screamed._

_The door busted open. Kakashi, along with some nurses, ran into the room. The scarecrow immediately went to the panicking boy who was staring at the laughing man with a crazed gaze. The silver haired man grabbed Sasuke and hugged him to his chest. Sasuke didn't like Kakashi, but he gave him comfort that none of his family had given him, so he took the opportunity to hide his face into the man's chest. He cried his heart out, hatinghatinghating Madara for making him remember things he had tried to block out._

_Sasuke heard the scarecrow curse under his breath. "I _told _you not to bring him in here!"_

_"There were no other rooms!" One of the nurses screamed back._

_"Little Sasuke," said boy froze at the mention of his name. "Poor little Sasuke. Let me give you some advice!"_

_"Where's the syringe!" The head nurse called out._

_Another one handed the older lady the needle. "Right here."_

_Sasuke cowered further into Kakashi's embrace. "Don't do this!" The soldier roared._

_Madara chuckled. "That anger you have won't go away by itself, you know. Do something about it."_

(_He's right_)

_Even when the nurses finally put the sedative in the man's system, even when he was finally unconscious, even when Kakashi slept in his room that night…the voice of that man continued to echo in his ear throughout his whole life._

_Sometimes he wondered if that was such a bad thing._

**0000**_  
_

The whole session was another complete failure.

Sasuke was fully aware of his state. He was bloodied and bruised and a bit out of his mind, he got it. That didn't mean Ibiki had the right to stare at him like he was some kind of freak show! Ibiki completely pissed him off. He wasn't even being _subtle_. He just stared at him with a half smile and a raised eyebrow. To say he was in a shit mood was an understatement; he was completely and utterly fucked up. Not just because of the fight, but because of his mind set. He felt like ripping walls apart till his fist broke. Oh, and he was covered in blood.

Naruto had blood on his face and shirt, and his car was filled with the scent of blood. The whole ride to Ibiki he felt like puking and screaming. How he was able to resist those habits was beyond him, rarely had he ever lightened up on his fear. Still, even Naruto pissed off him less than Ibiki's mocking stare. It was as if he was silently telling him, "I was right and you were wrong."

Fuck, okay, so he did need help, a lot of it, but there was no need to act so fucking smug.

So being the passive-aggressive person that he was, Sasuke completely responded to Ibiki's questions with nothing more than sardonic and short bitter answers. His answers were vague and he was could tell Ibiki was losing his patience. Unfortunately for him Ibiki was the master in psychological torture.

So, he questioned Sasuke about the letter. Then, the whole session went straight to hell.

He saw his father's bloodied face, his mother's happy smile, his brother's kind gaze…and that gun. He started panicking, begging those memories to be locked in his mind once again. Ibiki did nothing to stop his shortening of breath, or his crazed eyes. He just sat there and studied him like he was an experiment. Maybe he was. Subconsciously, he was pissed off at how easily Ibiki was able to break him down. One simple mention of that thing and Sasuke shattered. He blamed Kakashi for putting him in this place and he could care less getting help now. What good would that do if the very thing he was trying to get rid just _refused _to resurface without him going ape shit.

He was pathetically weak.

Luckily, Naruto stepped in at the last second and was able to calm Sasuke down.

"Come back when you're good and ready, Uchiha," Ibiki had stated. "I suggest you go to your doctor and ask him for anti-anxiety pills and anti-depressants**[2]**."

There was a clear "you're dismissed" after, unfortunately, Sasuke had to wait for Ibiki's permission slip till he was able to get out. Honestly, he felt _itchy _just standing in that room.

But riding in Naruto's car on his way home, he couldn't but feel so…enraged at Ibiki's exclaim. He _wasn't _depressed. He didn't need damn pills! Help was useless at this point; there was no escape from his hell. He would burn for all eternity, but that didn't matter because he had gotten used to it. However, that dark part of his mind, the one becoming accruing addicted to drugs, whispered to him how he should use them…for other means.

Sasuke was almost tempted to try them, but Ibiki was no idiot. He had to notice all the signs of the abuse. He wouldn't have prescribe the drugs if he knew Sasuke would use them as a chance to get high. Ibiki knew he wasn't that weak. The man was a merciless bastard, but even the Uchiha had to admit that he was no monster. Despite what he did at the office, he did it to test if Sasuke was indeed ready for his harsh and blunt sessions. Of course, he wasn't. He only got worse as the years passed by.

The only ones who had missed his obvious turmoil were Kakashi and Rin, and he would like to keep it that way.

Sasuke heavily breathed in the smoke, cigarettes between his fingers, and then he slowly blew it out. He leaned his head against the car seat, allowing his hand to lazily hang out of the open window. The blowing wind felt annoying against his untamed and crusted hair, but his blood felt hot. He needed to cool down.

Before he was able to put the cancer stick between his lips again, Naruto's disappointed voice stopped him, "Since when did you start smoking?" Earlier, he had asked the same question, but now it wasn't full of venom. He was honestly concerned; how touching. "And all that sake…Sasuke, you do know a bottle of sake is enough to screw you up?"

"I've seen Jiraya drunk before."

Naruto glared ahead of him. "That's not what I mean, teme. I know you have more." He did, but he wasn't going to waste his breath on the obvious. "This isn't good for you."

"When the hell has anything ever been good for me?" Sasuke growled, glancing at the blonde out of the corner of his eye. "All my life, I've been dealing with this shit. I've gotten worse, and now the only way I am able to calm myself is when I physically harm someone."

Sasuke stared at the cuts and bruises on his friend's face and blood stained on his shirt with a pointed stare.

Naruto sucked the air between his teeth in agitation. "Does Kakashi know?"

The Uchiha snorted at the very stupid question. "No."

"He's going to be pissed, dattebayo."

He knew that very well. Kakashi could sometimes act like a doted mother, not just to him, but to both Naruto and Sakura. He just had it worse, because he _lived _with the man. Everything the ex-soldier did to protect Sasuke he did it with indirect protectiveness and silent threats to those who could harm him. Kakashi had also raised him as if he was his own son, so he wouldn't let anything get by passed him. He had promised to protect him, and Sasuke didn't doubt him one bit.

However, if there was a chance Kakashi found out about all his drug problems, then his guardian would lecture him till there was no tomorrow. Sometimes Sasuke found the man a bit _too _protective for his liking. He always hovered over his shoulder.

(You can't hide it forever)

_I can try._

But he knew that it would happen. Sasuke was so damn _tired_. At this point, he could care less if Kakashi found out. Whatever he had coming, he could handle it.

"I know."

"Are you going to get the medicine?"

"No." A frustrated sigh escaped the blonde.

And that was it for their conversation for they had reached their destination.

Sasuke narrowed his dark eyes at the silver Honda in the driveway, surprised and a bit frightened. Kakashi was a criminal profiler. He was good at his job and was a respected war hero, that meant he was always busy and never came home no later than twelve a.m. It was currently three p.m. now, only making Sasuke more curious.

"Shit." He heard the blonde mutter. "Quick, put out the cigarette."

Sasuke smashed the stick onto Naruto's cup holder until it burned out.

Neither expected the door opening and a very _angry _Kakashi stomping his way towards them. Mentally, Sasuke winced. Rarely had he seen that man so enraged. The man was care-free and lazy as one could get. In Sasuke's world _rage _and _Kakashi _had never been used in the same sentence. That look in his single eye changed things though.

"Get out of the car." Kakashi spat out, looming his head just outside the car window as he glared daggers at Sasuke only. The seventeen year old silently obeyed.

"Uh, gotta go, bye!" Naruto all but squeaked once his friend was out of the car. He sped off when the two men were a safe distance away.

He felt a muscle twitch in his jaw. _Coward._

"What happened to you?" Sasuke relaxed a bit at the less than angry tone his guardian used.

He used that courage to turn around and face him. "I got into a fight," was all he said as if that explained everything.

"Naruto?" Sasuke nodded.

Rubbing his single eye in exasperation, Kakashi sighed. "I looked through your room."

"What?"

How dare he invade his personal space! There was a reason why never allowed _anybody _is his room unless they had gotten permission before hand. This morning was an exception, since it was the first time in a while since he had screamed bloody murder, but a second time? The scarecrow was pushing his damn luck!

"I found these."Kakashi shoved two packs of cigarettes onto his chest. They would have fallen if it were not for Sasuke's quick reflexes. "I also found all those sake bottles beneath your bed." Kakashi met Sasuke's glare with one of his own. "You're a teenager, I get it. You want to act damn rebellious for some stupid reason. All you three are idiots for it, but this is taking it too far."

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, but Kakashi rigidly raised a hand to stop him. The older man closed his eye. "Let's go inside, I'd rather not have this discussion in front of prying eyes."

Again, Sasuke obeyed only because he knew how agitated his foster parent was. The more stiff and formal he became, the angrier he was. Uchiha could count on one whole hand how many encounters he had experienced like this one. This was his second time.

Once inside, the angry atmosphere increased tenfold. Sasuke had even become incredibly tensed and watched the older man make his way to the kitchen as if he was mugger getting ready to attack. But then again, this was Kakashi. Rin had told him how the war hero was just as unstable as he was, but he had controlled his temper and thoughts over the years.

She said that he had helped the man. He didn't doubt it. Back when Kakashi was teaching his brother, Sasuke noticed how uptight he was; his words and his actions all reminded him of his father. He hated him at first. He looked at the child as if he didn't exist. He never made eye contact with him and always ignored the kid whenever they were in the same room. He didn't understand it then and he didn't understand it now. But something happened to Kakashi, Sasuke knew that much. One day he was indifferent, the next he was smiling and loose. Little Sasuke remembered not liking how his eye smiled at him back then.

They were painfully faked and it was obvious how he was trying to hide bitterness, yet from that day on Kakashi became more observant when it came to him and Itachi. His prying eyes glanced every so often to his father's stern gaze, his frightened face, kaa-san's broken eyes, and his brother's blank face and the pieces somehow clicked along the way.

The old man always apologized for being too late on that hellish day, something Sasuke still didn't quite understand. But since he changed, he only acted like his old uptight self when he was pissed off. Whenever those sessions happened, the teenager couldn't help but feel intimidated. Hell, he was practically sweating bullets as he followed his foster parent into the kitchen.

Sasuke leaned his back near the kitchen's entrance as he watch Kakashi getting ready to confront him.

The older man took a deep breath to keep calm and leaned a hand against the island table. "What made you think this was a good idea?"

Sasuke looked away from that single eye, shrugging. "It wasn't."

In retrospect, it really wasn't a good idea; he was just acting stupid and uncontrollable. Thinking the drugs would calm him, actually did more harm than good. He suppressed his monster's voice, but that didn't mean he didn't listen to it. He had suppressed the urge long enough and once it had gotten out, he wanted more, despite his intense fear of blood. His monster didn't care for that weakness. It wanted to harm.

"Then why did you do it?"

He couldn't tell the man why he had initially done it, who knew how he would react.

And the lack of words seemed to have annoyed the scarecrow a big deal. He slammed his hand against the table, and took a step closer to the Uchiha. Sasuke couldn't help but think of his father hitting him, beating, and talking. He tensed.

"Sasuke, tell me." Kakashi pronounced each word harshly, grounded out between his teeth. "I can't help you if you don't say anything."

Something in him finally snapped. "What if I don't want help?" He scowled at his guardian with more venom than he had in his life. "I _can't _be helped."

Kakashi's shoulders slumped at his adoptive son's defeated mind set. "Yes you can. You_ have _to try."

"What makes you think that I don't!?" He roared. "I _don't want to hurt anyone_! The last few months my mind has been completely fucked up! I think of making people bleed an-and that's why I took the fucking drugs, alright!" He admitted, running a shaky hand through his greasy hair. "I…I thought that if I did all that, the urges would stop—"

"They make things _worse_, you idiot." Sasuke gritted his teeth to keep himself from shouting further. "I know. I've been through what you have gone through, so trust me, I _know_."

"You don't! I'm a sadist, I get it, but if I don't do anything about it then I start remembering things." Sasuke gulped as his stomach began to writhe in a familiar way. "I—my dad, what he did screwed me up. My mom…nii-san….."

He couldn't speak after mentioning him, but both knew what his brother had done did the most damage. Kakashi had tried convincing him to just forget about the older Uchiha, his actions and words…he did them to protect the younger Uchiha, something Sasuke couldn't quite wrap his head around. It pissed him off. They didn't _see him_. They didn't _hear _his words. They didn't experience the internal scarring of it all—_they hadn't_, so they knew _nothing_, Kakashi included.

Shaking his head, he muttered quietly, "You don't understand anything."

A few heartbeats of silence rang throughout the room, then, "My father abused me."

_That _got his attention.

(_Don't listen to him; he's trying to trick you_)

Sasuke blinked in surprise, then immediately scowled once his dark thoughts settled in. "If this is some kind of sick joke—"

"It's not." Kakashi, agitated, turned away from the teenager, his back fully leaning against the marble table. "My mom died in a car accident, so he was the one had to take me in. He was in the army, and I didn't realize it then, but many people hated him."

"Why?"

"Konoha citizens back then were extremely close minded, some still are," his single crinkled into a smile, and Sasuke imagined it to be very bitter. "Father blew a mission to save every single comrade, and because of that some say he had caused the Third World Wide War. All that hatred and guilt caused my father to lose his mind."

Something in Kakashi's eye struck Sasuke through the core. His dark grey eye had glazed over, lost in his thoughts and memories. He must have remembered something horrible for his eye looked frightened and in panic, something Sasuke had felt every time his own father beat him.

"He…he had PTSD and was a borderline Schizophrenic. When he had one of his episodes, his victim was always me." Sasuke puffed out the breath he didn't realize he was holding, surprised but listening. "I was beaten, I was psychologically harmed and I never once loved that man. When I got a bit older, I started using drugs." At this, Kakashi sent him a look. "I was only thirteen."

Ah, now he understood why he over exaggerated.

"I thought the same as you; if I used them, then they might help suppress the feeling I got whenever he harmed me. Whenever I was sober, the pain only intensified. When I turned fifteen…" Kakashi took a long, deep breath. Sasuke narrowed his onyx eyes at the slight shake of his fists.

"What happened?"

At the sound of his voice, the scarecrow snapped out of the revere he was just in. He blinked a few times before looking at the younger boy. His eyes, that were usually open or expressed with fake emotion, held completely nothing. Sasuke knew he was trying to hide whatever emotion he was feeling. This confused him greatly. Kakashi was indirect with his words, but his eye were usually blunt and never held back unless the situation called for it, then he'd usually hide it with some other emotion. He always showed things through his eye, but he had never bothered to hide anything. This was the first time Sasuke had seen him like this, excluding all those experiences with him before his dramatic change.

"Did he die?" Sasuke question slowly, almost cautiously. He was afraid of what Kakashi would say.

Just as cautious, Kakashi nodded. "I didn't have any other family members, so I went to the orphanage. I met Rin at the high school there, and my friend." When he said "friend" Sasuke had a feeling that was an absolutely _off limits _topic, so he didn't bother to question who this friend was. "You already know how I was considered a prodigy, even when I joined boxing and the wrestling team they were surprised by how good I was."

Kakashi scoffed. "The Sandaime offered me a scholarship," he shrugged. "I decided to join the army either way."

"When did the drug use stop?"

A bitter laugh escaped Kakashi's mouth. "Heh, ever since my father's death, I've only gotten worse. It wasn't until I met Ibiki in the army did I get better. I still struggle with it, and after what's happened to you I never wanted you to become like me."

Sasuke, slightly warmed by the thought, looked down at the titled floor in embarrassment. "Is that why you're so pissed off?"

Kakashi grunted in agreement.

"I just don't know what to do. Every time I try to talk about it I…I—"

"I know." Kakashi sighed again, and finally turned to face the teenager. Sasuke didn't like the look in his eye; he was nervous. Whatever he was about to tell him, the Uchiha wouldn't like it. "Sasuke, what I'm about to tell…you _need _to keep an open mind, so listen till I finish."

The hard stare Kakashi was giving him made Sasuke nod.

"I think it would be best if I gave you professional help." As soon as Kakashi said those words, Sasuke immediately threw a fit. He knew what the man meant by "professional help".

"No," he growled, shaking his head. "Fuck no! I'm not going in some damn mental ward!"

"If you would just sh—"

"_No_!" Sasuke, feeling uncontrollable, took a few steps forward and roared at his father figure. "I don't want that kind of help. Hell, they don't even help the people there. Do you know what they do?" It was a rhetorical question. "They _drug them _until they're nothing but living zombies! If you think that's going help anything, then you're wrong!"

"They don't—"

Sasuke sucked the air between his teeth. "Yes they do Kakashi! I was in one and I _never _want to go again. You and I both know that thing only screwed me up even more, so don't say it's for my own good." Suddenly, the enraged teenager felt a need to just…_hurt _the man before him. "What makes you think you have any say in my life anyway?! You're _not my father_!"

Kakashi staggered back, as if he had just physically pushed him and took a sharp intake of breath. Sasuke didn't feel any kind of satisfaction of having said that, because he didn't mean it. Those words were just to spite him and make feel him angry.

The scarecrow recovered quickly, sending at piercing glare at the teenager. "I _saved _you. _I _took you in. _I _raised _you_."

Hearing those words, Sasuke physically winced. He felt a stinging jolt run through his body, as if needles were pricking his body. His eyes were burning with unshed tears and he had the urge to just scream till his lungs bled. The way Kakashi said those words…it was if he _owed _the man for taking care of him. He had never felt more pain in his life other than that day, but this…he thought of Kakashi as family, a father that he never had. Sure, he might not act like he cared, but this man gave him protection and love, something his original one failed to accomplish.

Whether Kakashi meant those words or not, it cut deeply. A sharp and twisting knife embedded into his heart till he bled. This wasn't just hurt or pain, this was rock bottom. Who else had lied to him? Naruto? Rin? Sakura? Rin only met him through Kakashi. Naruto and Sakura both used him for their own stupid and selfish gain. No one truly loved him.

(Don't act so fucking stupid)

_But..._

(_I told you! These people were never good for you. We both knew that sooner or later they would one day betray you, just like your brother. Stop living in your idiotic naïve head and _burn them!)

Burn? Burn…hurt…

_Blood?_

(Don't listen to it Sasuke!)

(_Yes, little Sasuke, _blood)

Sasuke shook his head, running a shaky hand through his hair. He couldn't do that, not to Kakashi. No matter how those words made him feel like a knife was skinning him alive, he would _not _harm the one person who tolerated him through his sleepless nights, his panic attacks, and his harsh passive-aggressive words. Whether he liked it or not, Kakashi _was _his father. Not blood related, but through the bond, and that was something Sasuke just _couldn't _break.

So, with a defeated posture and unshed tears, Sasuke frowned slightly at the older man. "You could have just left me for dead, you know, less burdens."

And with that, Sasuke stormed out of the kitchen and made his way to his room. He locked the door before Kakashi was able to enter. The pounding on the doors and pleas did not deterred the Uchiha as he placed a hand under his bed to find his stash of sake bottles, three in total. The moody teenager stopped before his door, lightly tapping the wood to stop the loud pounds going on in the other side.

"Don't bother looking for me," he said once the noises stop.

He heard the man utter a soft cuss word under his breath and the poundings began again."Sasuke, stop!" Kakashi was pounding so hard, Sasuke thought he would break open the door.

He made his way to the window, and jumped onto the roof. Soon he was on the ground, running towards a well known alley place he could hide until it got dark. If Kakashi didn't want him, then fine, he would grant his wishes.

**0000**

_The knife stared at him. A sharp glare of light stabbed Sasuke's sensitive eyes. He squinted to loosen the pain, but did not bother moving. He was mesmerized by the deadly object and couldn't help but wonder how it would feel if he slowly cut a deep vertical line against the veins on his wrist. Would it hurt? There would be blood, but the aftermath…how would _that _feel? _

_Would he immediately be sucked into oblivion? His memories would be forgotten and the nightmares wouldn't be there anymore. His…his dark thoughts would not be there. That did bother him; the monster kept him intact, but lately all the pleasure he usually felt when scaring someone died down. His monster said that he needed something more and quickly. Is that…is that why Sasuke was acting so damn weak lately? He hadn't gotten the usual dosage as he usually did and that left him vulnerable and near panic attacks._

_His monster said if he stepped it up a notch, then this…feeling of just wanting to disappear would die away. He _would _feel strong and in control again. That was all the Uchiha wanted, and he would get it. _

_Slowly, Sasuke grabbed onto the sharp utensil, raising it to eye level. It was still whispering temptations at him, and he found himself willing to listen. Even though he _would _try something different, the thought of just leaving all his memories and pain behind was so damn _alluring_. _

_"Sasuke," the sound of his adoptive father's voice caused the boy to put the knife back down in a hurry. He turned towards the kitchen's entrance and nodded a greeting at the older man before him. "You ready?"_

_"Yeah," he monotonously answered, mind racing with endless scenarios to try out the things his monster told him to do._

_Kakashi walked out the kitchen, but looked back at the thirteen year old. "Let's go."_

_The older man waited till the boy was right next to him so he could place a hand on dark untamed hair. Blushing slightly at the attention, Sasuke grumbled out his agitation only to make his face burn more at hearing the sound of the scarecrow's laughter._

_Neither knew it, but Kakashi had saved Sasuke's life that day._

**0000**_  
_

Sasuke smoked at the back of the grocery store where he bought all of his drugs and alcohol, knowing that neither Kakashi nor Rin would find him there. He went through two packs, finishing the first, before it got dark. When he checked his watch, it was seven-thirty p.m. So, he decided to go to the park to spend the night. He didn't know why, but that place always made feel free of burden. It was his second sanctuary, one could say. The other one was his room, but there was no way in hell he was going back there anytime soon.

Sasuke was glad he didn't drink and only smoked, because then his mind would have been extremely hazy and he wouldn't have known where he was going. Not to mention the cops roaming around that other district he was just in. Prostitutes, thugs, and all kinds of criminal activity happen a lot in that place. When he was sat on the park bench, he checked his phone for any messages. Secretly, he only did this hoping that Hinata would one day contact him again. Months without seeing her had at times caused him to panic, thinking the worst. But at the same time, he was terrified of seeing her.

Most of his fantasies had been taking over by his sadism. He thought and dreamed of fucking her with no restraints. He pounded into her like a crazed animal, not caring about her nearly virginal state or cries of pain. Sometimes he bit her till his teeth caused blood to ooze out. Her lips, her neck, her body, it didn't matter. If she were ever reluctant in his fantasies then he'd take her from behind and_ make her his_. She was _his _and he _possessed her_. No amount of blood spewing out of her ass or her throat retching cries would stop him. She was his toy.

But that was all his monster's thinking. He himself had never been turned on by any of those fantasies. Actually, whenever some of them attacked him he would more than likely have a panic attack or puke his brains out. It was sickening just how fucked up he was. He was uncontrollable and highly unpredictable, if he saw her who knew how he would react. So in a sense, he was both highly worried and a bit relief that he hasn't seen her.

Still, he was still a bit pissed off that no messages from her had reached his cell…only that blonde idiot.

**Where are you?**

**Kakashi and Rin are really worried.**

**Go back home, teme.**

**You stubborn jackass, stop doing this to them!**

That was the last message he had sent. Maybe the idiot finally gave up. Whatever, it didn't matter, no matter how much that last message pissed him off, it would just be counter productive since he knew what the blonde was trying to do. He wasn't stupid enough to just prance in his house with Jiraya there to beat the pulp out of him, then send him home. That idiot was too much of an idiot for his own good.

Sasuke instead spent the rest of his night drinking all three bottles of sake. After that last gulp, he let his eyes close. Sleep. Sleep was good. He had to sleep.

…

"Sasuke?"

His onyx eyes slowly opened at the sound of that familiar voice. Most of the females he knew were loud and obnoxious. This one, however, was soft and polite. Hearing it after so long made him smile. His foggy eyes blinked multiple times to adjust to the street lamp right next to the bench, stinging and burning his eyes. He still didn't feel the effect of the hangover yet, obviously he was extremely drunk. Not that he cared, if it means seeing things like this then he would stay drunk for the rest of his life.

He smiled bitterly. Though through another's eye that smile would have been described as a goofy grin. "I'm going insane." His words were slightly slurred by his drunken mind, but were still understandable.

And he honestly did think he finally lost it. Looking up at those lilac eyes, he couldn't help but think this was all some kind of effect of chain smoking and over use of alcohol. Or maybe this was just a fucking great dream. It _had _to be. Why else would she look down on with such worry and with a real and touchable body? God she was beautiful. He missed her so much, even if this was all faked, just looking at her without blood covering her body was…great. He…he wanted to touch her just to see if this was all real.

The indigo haired girl tucked her hair behind her ears as she slowly lowered her own hand to meet his. She smiled slightly when they made contact. She held the larger hand in her own in a tight grip. "Sasuke."

This time her voice wasn't worried; it sounded happy—relieved. Sasuke slowly sat up on the bench, pulling her down with him. She squeaked at the sudden sensation. He could a_ctually _feel the deep warmth spreading throughout her body. Either she was way to warm for her own good, or she was deeply embarrassed. Whatever, she felt good that was all that it mattered.

He knew this wasn't real, that his mind was just playing tricks on him, that if he woke up in the morning she would be gone and he would be left with nothing but the worst hangover in his life. But he didn't mind, not when this whole scenario felt so god damn real. Screw it. He'd rather live like this from now on than go on living in reality. Lies were much better to deal with.

Sasuke's grip tightened when he felt the girl trying to escape from his lap, "Um…S-Sasuke. You're d-drunk s-so you need to get home."

He buried his nose into her neck, breathing in the wonderful scent he hadn't smelt in who knew how long. "No," he slurred lazily, shaking his head. "Just…just stay for a bit."

She continued to squirm. "B-But…your fat—"

"_Please_," he begged, pleaded, for the girl to just shut up and stay still. He didn't want to go back to that place. His so called "father" had hurt him more than words could describe. "This is all I have."

She stiffened for a minute, and then relaxed. "Hinata" rested her own warm cheek against his, breathing in his scent like he was doing with her. Vaguely, he was aware that she had missed him as much as he did. However, the dominant mind, the foggy and uncontrollable one, continued to dismiss this as nothing more than his fantasy, a fantasy _without _blood and sex, a fantasy that finally, _finally, _met his likings.

His monster never spoke, never growled, and never laughed. It was as if "Hinata's" presence fought his monster without trying. For once, since the last time he saw her, his mind was blank. If this continued and all of a sudden she disappeared, then his monster would only grow tenfold, but this was faked…so it was okay. Sasuke just wanted to hold, smell her, until that moment came.

When Hinata back away, taking her face and scent with her, Sasuke frowned. He was getting scared because the girl was going to be taken away from him again and and…and he _couldn't let that happen. _His mind! His was so fucking numb, a blissful emptiness, so this wouldn't be taken away and Hinata _will _stay with _him_.

"Sasuke, calm down," the sound of her soft voice immediately relaxed him. His harsh, fast breathing slowed down as he tried to lean his forehead against her neck again. Instead, his cheeks were met with small hands.

He opened his dark gazes, squinting slightly once the light hit them, and met lilac pairs. Again, he smiled. Her hair grew a bit longer since the last time, hanging a bit past her shoulders. Through his delirious haze, he was able to see how soft and shiny it was—touchable—making him want to run his fingers through it. Her eyes, sparkling, radiated the absolute happiness she was feeling. As she eyed his smile, her small, plump lips lifted into one as well. It was soft, kind, and affectionate and _God _did he miss her.

She suddenly frowned. "I-I know that if I do this, you won't remember much…and," she turned redder, "and I f-feel like a…p-p-per-pervert." Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows, shaking his head as he tried to register her words. "But, I miss you so much—"she stopped her rambling and took a deep breath.

Her pale eyes met his dark ones. Slowly, painfully slow, she lowered her face until she met his lips.

To say that he missed kissing her was an understatement. He hadn't kissed her since…since all those months ago and the feeling he was getting…it was indescribable. He literally felt his whole body release the extra tension, turning him into a puddle of goo. He sighed as he continued to soak in the heated, but static, sensation he felt. He slowly moved his own lips with her, making the sensation intensified. Hinata sighed shakily as well, feeling and enjoying the same thing.

Sasuke's hand held onto her cheek, the other one held her waist to hold her place. He tilted his head slightly, silently urging her to part her mouth for him. He could _taste _her again, though it wasn't as obvious, but he could taste the slightly sweet taste she had that was mostly overpowered by something herby. Why, why hadn't he had _this _in so fucking long? He was honestly surprised that he survived without this kind of dosage. He really couldn't get enough of her, even if this was a faked Hinata.

He groaned in disappointment when she pulled away, but he knew they both needed to catch their breath. He was aware, yes, but he honestly didn't care. Still, if he passed out for something as stupid as not taking air between kisses, then he would wish father back so that he could kill him, because what the fuck? Who fainted that way, and why was he all sweaty and fuck did his head hurt!

Sasuke, even though his mind was all juggled up, continued to watch the shy girl in front of him, nervously biting her lip. She didn't even know that it was turning him on. However, before he could mention how he wanted to screw her, her soft lips were back on his. He hungrily kissed her back, painful but pleasurable as she returned his with equal force.

Then, her tongue ran across his lips. His agape mouth left her plentiful opportunities to stick her slick tongue in his mouth. He groaned at the sensation, loving, _absolutely loving_, the way her tongue moved against his. He hesitantly touched his with her own, but became encourage at the content sigh escaping her lips. They made out for the next few minutes, each enjoying the feel of each other. The silent night was broken by soft moans, and sounds of soft smacking.

Before anything could get any further, they both pulled away. They leaned their foreheads against each other and tried to control their breathing.

"I-I miss you," Hinata, still a bit breathless, whispered. "I missed you."

When he opened his eyes he was shocked by the tears pooling down her red cheeks. She had her eyes closed, so he couldn't read what they were feeling, but her lips…it was smiling. Even through his drunken state, Sasuke could tell that they both needed this—needed each other.

With a smile unconsciously framing his face, the sleepy Uchiha placed his forehead on her neck again. He slowly, but deeply, breathed in her earthy scent. His fast paced heart pumped euphoria throughout his body. He…he was finally happy again.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke. Please…I miss you so, so much."

_Me too…_

He blacked out.

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**[1]= ****Can you guess the condition "Tobi" has (sorry, I don't want to spoil anything for those who haven't read the chapter). EDIT: I know I said that if you guys guessed right that I would do a request, however, I have this SasuHina oneshot I want to try out. So...I guess that's a treat.. right?  
**

**[2]= Anti pills can be used to get high. Ibiki knew this, he knew Sasuke was using drugs. However, these types of drugs do not get people high enough, that's why most druggies use pain medication. So, yeah, Ibiki wasn't trying to get him addicted...just in case some of you wondered that.**

GOSH, I had so many reviews in the last chapter. Honestly, they all made me feel happy in the inside. However, I feel like you guys over praise me. Thanks to all those who read and/or review, and please review if you'd like. They are very appreciated and they make feel like doing cartwheels.

DISCLAIMER: I do not, and will never own Naruto. I like the characters, so I torture them for my own pleasure in my very dark stories or story ideas. So please, don't sue.


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow, how many months has it been? Sorry for taking so long, but I wanted to finish and plan out every chapter. I did finish planning them out, I haven't finished writing the last few chapters, so this won't be weekly updates. Also, I'm making the chapters much shorter this time around, except for the last few. And I'm updating the story from 8 chapters, to about 15. Depends on how the ending goes to see if I want make some changes or not. **

**But I'm also EXTREMELY distracted by a Drrrr! fic I have. It's been taking over my life, and I HIGHLY doubt it'll ever go away. I've been focusing on that more than this, which to be fair, that plot story has been dominating my thoughts for about three years.**

**Ashes to Ashes has gone in a completely different path than I had planned, but I think the way is going is much better than my original plot, and I also made it correspond with the first few chapters so I wouldn't have to change those, which wasn't much. But yeah, it'll be less dramatic and more comical in the next few, but the original darkness will still creep in. So yeah, I'm sorry for long wait, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. It isn't much, but I just wanted to give you a hint of how the style has changed a bit.**

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Acceptatione

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When he dreams it's usually a place of nightmares. Blood everywhere, dark fire licking everything in its path, his family's dead bodies mocking him with their white eyes…it's a place where he rather not be in. Yet, everyday, he continuously revisits that place. Some days it's worse than others, other days the nightmares aren't so bad and he can actually get a few hours asleep before it assaults him once again.

He didn't dream this time.

Or, maybe he did.

He dreamt of Hinata, that much is obvious.

He saw her, with her white eyes tearing up in happiness. She had kissed him and it felt too warm and too real. Sasuke doubted he ever dreamt of her in the first place is because of how…realistic it felt. He could still feel her soft body against his as he laid his head against her neck. Though, deep down, this could very well be one of the worst dreams he ever had, but he doesn't realize it because, well, it made him happy.

He's unstable, unpredictable, and just plain angry. Hinata makes all those negative feelings wash away. But now, once realizing that this burning sensation eating at him in his brain was nothing more than a hangover, he knows he is now awake and everything will go back to the way it was.

Hinata won't answer his calls. Sakura hates him. He isn't too sure about Naruto. And Kakashi wants nothing to do with him, so Sasuke has no one left.

He really wants to find Hinata, just to see what's wrong with her. He's been worse, and scared ever since her disappearance.

Sasuke groans as he opens his dark eyes. Despite how dim the lighting is in the room it still causes a hard thump to pound against his brain. He cursed under his breath, but doesn't close his eyes. He doesn't know where he is—he could be in a crack house for all he knows. A very elegant crack house, but a crack house nonetheless.

Once his eyes become adjusted and he could see clearly, the room he's seeing causes his heart to skip a beat. He's been in here before. These familiar pale purple walls, silk white curtain drowning out the light, the large soft bed with a lilac comforter, the white carpet…this all belongs to her.

Sasuke sits up, too much in shock to acknowledge the pain pounding in his eyes. He looks around and takes notice of the body length mirror next to the familiar brown wardrobe. He looks to his left expecting to see a disorganized closet, and he does.

It takes him minutes to realize where he is at, and once he does the air gets knocked right out of him.

He is in Hinata's room. He is in her house. If he could, he can just get out of his large room and look for her, and he'll be able to see her again. So why doesn't he?

The most obvious answer is that he's too much in pain to even play with the idea of getting up and walk around a mansion. The other dark one is because he is terrified. If he sees her, if last night wasn't just a dream, would he be able to control himself? Right now, he can't hear nothing in his fucked up head. No whispers, no insults—nothing. It was blissfully empty, but would that last? His monster wants to do unspeakable things to her, and it had almost succeeded. If he sees Hinata, will this silence last?

But then again, everything he is seeing could be another one of his realistic nightmare. This one would be the cruelest if it were true. He can't handle another one of his delusions! Not after what Kakashi had said to him. The thought of being absolutely alone fucking scares him to no end.

He needs help. Once he wakes up, he needs to go to Naruto and ask the idiot to help him.

Sasuke's raging thoughts are cut off once he hears the door opening. It takes all his willpower not to get up and snatch the doorknob out of its hinges to see what's on the other side. But it opens, and seeing the person on the other side makes him want to cry.

Seeing her brings out a blurry image of the Hinata from last night, but…it's really her. The only difference is the pink pajamas she's wearing, the brace on her right foot and a large, clear mug holding what looks like green puke.

And when she takes notice of him, in his awaken state, she freezes for a minute, smiles, and then comes in.

Sasuke can't seem to control his mouth because all he's doing is open it, then close, open it again, and then closes it again. His dark eyes follow her as she makes her way towards her bed. He almost flinches when she sits right beside him, afraid that she'll disappear if he touches her. But it's her who touches him, and she doesn't go away. One hand holds onto the mug and the other is on his hand, squeezing it as if to reassure him with her warmth that she is real, and sorry.

Just a single touch and he begins to let the tears fall where they may.

This is the first time where he felt comfortable crying. Usually tears makes him feel weak and pathetic, now, it feels good to finally let that mask fall down and show how completely vulnerable he is. He isn't crying just because he's finally seeing Hinata after torturous months, but knowing that there is someone out there willing to listen to him, be with him, and just _talk _to him like he isn't an unstable monster brings him a sense of happiness he hasn't felt in a long time.

He knows he isn't alone.

She won't be alone either.

Sasuke's eyes are closed, so he doesn't notice Hinata putting the mug on the nightstand beside her bed, but he does feel her soft arms wrap around him like a warm, thick blanket, and it only makes him cry harder. He hears her own hiccups and feels her warm tears rubbing against his cheeks as they cry into each other arms.

The Uchiha wraps his arms around her small body, pulling her closer to him to hide his face into her neck. Despite how good it feels to finally let his pain out, it still is embarrassing for him. He doesn't want her to him in such a state, plus his head is killing him.

It takes him a long time to get his bearings, but even when he does neither speak. But then he becomes increasingly angry. He doesn't want to be, but Sasuke can't ignore the obvious questions yelling in his head that he had wanted to know since her disappearance.

A part of him blames Hinata for his instability, but this has been going on for all his life. The one person who had brought him peace suddenly disappears and left Sasuke with nothing but his monster constantly casting a dark shadow behind him is enough to make him go crazy. It took the opportunity in his weakest state—and it worked.

He knows the last few months aren't her fault, but he still wants answers.

Sasuke pulls away from her. Hinata, as if she knows what he's going to ask, looks down with ashamed eyes. He cups his hand on her chin and lifts her head up. Seeing the tears and sadness on her face almost causes him to flinch, but all he does is wipe her cheeks, not taking his hand off once she's dry.

Despite the situation, he couldn't help but think how cute she looks at the moment. But the more dominant part of his mind is honestly surprised at the lack of his dark thoughts whispering things to him. He's not sure if it's a good thing. When it comes back, it will come back with a painful bite.

But he doesn't want to think about that right now—it's not important.

"Where have you been?" He asks, slightly taken back by how scratchy and sick he sounds, but he doesn't waver as his eyes look into hers'.

Even if this hangover is killing him at the moment, Hinata is his main priority. He's…he's scared.

The look of horror flashing in her eyes gives him a sense of despair. Closing his eyes, he leans his forehead against hers'. He can only guess what had happened; her eyes said everything.

"What happened?"

Did her father cause her to have that cast?

Did he abuse her all this time?

Hinata doesn't speak, but he can tell by her uneven breathing and constant swallowing that she is extremely nervous. But he doesn't let go of her, because he wants to know, and when he does know, he wants to find proof and finally get her and Hinata's sister out of this hell. She doesn't deserve this.

After the few minutes of dead silence, her soft voice surprises him. "W-When you came o-over for my birthday…my otou-sama didn't know, b-but a maid tol-told him—"she swallows again. "He-he became very angry. He fractured by leg." He can feel his insides twisting painfully.

Sasuke finally opens his eyes, angry and in need to find the bastard to wring his neck. Hinata has her eyes closed, probably the only way she can speak of such things, and he realizes that he can't protect this girl by doing something rash—because he honestly considered it. He needs to stick with his original plan without her father finding out about his meddling.

"Hanabi," she continues. "Hanabi w-was almost att-attacked as well because she kept yelling at otou-sama. He doesn't like it when she does that. I-I p-protected H-Hanabi from his blows, a-and my ribs bruised."

"Does it still hurt?"

She shakes her head. "N-No."

As Sasuke pulls away, wincing from the movement, he hesitates with what he's going to say. Hinata is a person not used to change. All her life she had been used to the pain her father constantly gave. She had been used to people thinking of her as weak and mute. She is used to Naruto's ignorance towards her existence. And she's used to take insults anybody gives her with silence. To break that normalcy, no matter how much it causes her pain, will be scary for her.

Just look at him. It took her months before she willing spoke a single word from him—months before that she couldn't even look at or get near him. But he has to protect her, one way or another. She can't be here for long or she'll end up dead. He really couldn't handle that.

"Hinata," she opens her eyes when he calls her. Sasuke grabs her hand and gives her a gentle squeeze. He wants to let her know that what he's going to say is not to make her nervous or scared. "You need to get out of here."

She looks surprised, but doesn't say anything. He takes this as a good sign and continues.

"I want you to take your sister, pack your stuff and go live with Sakura."

Hinata doesn't even play with idea. "N-No S-Sasuke-kun. I-I can't leave h-him—"

"If you stay any longer he will end up _killing _you."

She continues to shake her head, making his anger to rise. Why can't she understand how completely uncontrollable her father is? This situation sounded…really familiar. Something horrible will happen to her or her sister, and it would be his fault if it were to happen because he knows what's going on in this house and never bothered to tell anyone.

He'll swallow his pride and go to Kakashi—only for her and her sister's safety. Hanabi and Hinata can confess everything he had done and boom, he'll go to prison.

Hinata lets go of his hand, obviously frustrated with Uchiha, but whatever she says won't change his mind. "S-Sasuke-kun…you don't understand. My o-otou-sama l-loves us and…he-he'll be v-very angry with us and whoever is gi-giving us shelter."

Sasuke sighs, knowing this to be true. Also, if they leave through the front door then one of the servants will either stop them or snitch to Hiashi. That can't happen again. And even if she did agree, the most logical place would be to live with him, but since the servants are aware of their close friendship, someone would tell and Sasuke's home would be the first place Hiashi would look. All of this is just giving him a bigger headache.

But he can't give up. He needs her to get out of here.

He sighs, rubbing his eyes to dull the pain, "Hinata—"

"W-Wait, Sasuke-kun."

He stops, opening one eye to see what she's up to. Hinata gets up from the bed and towards the nightstand. She picks up the mug from earlier and motions for him to take it. Now fully aware of the color and smell, Sasuke hesitantly moves his position to get a better look at the liquid.

His lips curl up in disgust, making Hinata giggle. "What is that?"

"I-It's a…special re-remedy."

"Remedy?" Sasuke scowls half-heartily at her teasing giggle. "Stop laughing." But in truth, it's nice to hear it after such a long time—now more than ever.

She uses one hand to cover her mouth. "S-Sorry." She gets her bearings and answers him, "I-It's something th-the servants m-make wh-whenever my otou-sama has a hangover. So…" she thrusts the mug towards him. Some of the liquid are dangerously splashing out, making Sasuke jump back a bit.

The action caused his head to thump painfully. Hissing, Sasuke rubs his temples. After this, he swears to God he won't touch alcohol ever again.

"Does it work?"

She grunts. "Ye-yes…um, but…it has a nasty taste. Otou-sama always starts…pu-p-puking."

"Great."

He grabs it, but Hinata stops him it before he drinks it. "No, you should drink it in the bathroom." The smile she gives him could be what someone might call, sheepish, but to Sasuke he could only sense evil intentions behind her cuteness—of course this is all in his head.

He really doesn't want to drink this, but this headache is _killing _him.

He almost pouts. "But that involves moving."

"S-Sasuke-kun," Hinata pouts with a scolding tone laced in her voice.

He doesn't know why he obeys—usually he'll do the opposite of those who dare order him around, but he sighs again, reluctant but moves off the bed. He feels as if the world is spinning so he closes his eyes to grab his bearing, all the while cursing this headache to the deepest depth of hell.

Hinata uses one hand to grab his and gently pulls him towards her door. It shouldn't have been much trouble to do that simple task, but now that he's standing, walking—doing _physical activity_—the nausea feeling finally kicks in. The corners of his mouth burns with the longing of letting out all the shit he drank last night, but he forces it down until they reach the bathroom just across the hall.

Sasuke quickly places the mug on the sink and retches in the toilet, almost missing completely. Hinata's small, warm hand rubs his back. It makes him feel slightly better, but knowing that she's watching him like this is more humiliating than crying in front of her.

Once the nausea from the hangover passes, he silently begs Hinata with his eyes to not give him that…thing. But she deliberately ignores him. She gets the mug from the sink and motions it in front of his face.

Sasuke scowls, clearly not amused by her cute smile on her cute face—damn it!

Sasuke gets the mug, swallows, holds his breath and takes a big gulp of the "remedy".

The taste was immediate and it took all his willpower not to spit it out. How could he best describe it?

…It tasted as if someone took a shit in his mouth, made him swallow, and then tried to help him force the solid with their piss. It's the best way to describe it, but it's somehow worse. But he forces himself to drink it. The face he has makes Hinata cover her smile with her hand, but he knows that she's secretly enjoying his pain.

Sasuke almost wondered when the puking will start, but that would be answered for him once the bile began to rise seconds after he drank it. As he suffers, Hinata whispered something to him. He doesn't know what she said, but he knows that she went out the bathroom to go fetch something.

The Uchiha doesn't know how long he spent in the bathroom. Every time he stops puking, he'll drink, and the cycle will start again until he finished the mug. Hinata was right, his head feels better, and despite the cramping of his stomach he doesn't feel as if his stomach was filled with acid—the remedy works, no matter how much it killed him, it made him feel better.

Now, he's just famished. Throwing up this much left him lethargic and hot. The toilet seat brings some kind of cooling, but he really feels as if he's going to die. Sasuke closes his eyes for a minute, trying to get his breathing under control.

When he opens them again, a little girl is staring down at him. He doesn't react, but simply stares. The girl looks at him with a blank stare, but then glares. Her large lilac eyes, long brown hair and pale skin is an obvious sign that this is Hinata's little sister. They look alike, but then they don't. Sasuke can tell already what makes them opposites. Hinata, no matter what, never looks at anyone with anger or hatred burning in her eyes—even if that person does harm to her, at the end of the day, there are people who have done worse to her, so she smiles at those pathetic losers.

Hinata is also too shy to say anything to anyone, unless she knows them extremely well—like him. Though, the more time they got to know each other, the blunter and braver she has been. It's a good thing, but when she calls him dumb or hits him when he does something stupid reminds him too much of Rin—and his mother.

This little girl—Hanabi—is looking at him with disgust.

(You do look a bit disgusting right about now)

Sasuke closes his eyes. _No, go away_.

"You're Sasuke." It isn't a question.

Said Uchiha opens his eyes and slowly nods at the girl. She scoffs, "Neechan won't stop talking about you, but I have no idea what she sees in you." Hanabi's face softens, but her eyes say everything; she's angry. "Hiashi does this a lot." She motions over his body. "He gets drunk everyday and ends up like this every morning."

He wanted to say that he was nothing like him—but Sasuke has said the same thing about his father, and well…he's a lot like tousan.

"Sometimes he would pick on Hinata over everything until he knew she's angry enough to fight back, and when she begins to raise her voice, he starts beating her."

Why is she telling him this?

Hanabi kneels beside him, lowering her face towards his. "Hiashi doesn't do anything to me, because that's when Hinata would do something dangerous and drastic." She shrugs. "He'll hit her still, but he'll stop knowing that his life is in danger."

Sasuke closes eyes. He knows why she's doing this—she has the anger and sadness for it to be justified, but she doesn't know anything about him. He'd be damned if she think everything she says would make him feel guilty and ashamed. He…he loves Hinata—he won't do anything to hurt her like his tousan would do to kaasan.

But he listens, because she is angry, and he knows what's going on. He never had this—ranting and confessing because everybody only wants to help him and cuddle him, but not truly understand him. He never had anybody who would just sit down, shut their trap and just listen to him. Hanabi is angry at her father, and if she thinks taking her anger out on someone who reminds her of him will help her, then so be it.

But he won't have any sympathy for the brat.

"But because he can't hurt me physically, Hiashi says hurtful stuff to me. Neji-niisan isn't here to protect us anymore, so he'll use any opportunity to harm us. I guess it makes him feel better. Neechan tol—"

"Hanabi-chan!"

Eyes so similar to the girl's, narrow in contained rage. Through his murky vision, Sasuke is able to see how powerful Hinata looks at the moment. Not the kindness he's used to. It's more gentle—subtle, like a mother's. It surprises him to see Hinata act unlike herself, yet refreshing all the same. The more he sees the different sides to her, the more he finds himself less likely to cut off the bond he has with her.

"Neechan, why the hell did you bring him here?" the little girl has her back towards him, yet the thumb pointed at him offends him for some reason.

Hinata heavily sighs. "He's a very special friend. You have no reason to have said those things to him."

"Whatever," Hanabi sucks the air between her teeth in anger. "I don't like him. He's the one that said those mean things to you, right?"

Sasuke stiffens.

He hears Hinata sigh more gently this time. "A lot has changed since then. Please, understand. He has helped me, Hanabi-chan…a lot."

Through his delirious mind, Sasuke is not able to feel the dead silence between the two sisters, but it is there, and it is suffocating. One silently pleads to the other, while the other tries to read with her angry eyes what her sister is thinking. But eventually, the silence breaks with a soft grunt, and the tension evaporates.

Her irritation is still palpable, but Hanabi reluctantly nods. "Fine. But don't ask me to do things for him, he could be dying and I wouldn't give a shit." She gives Sasuke one last dirty look before shoving past her sister.

"S-sorry." Hinata kneels besides him as she pat his head with a wet towel. The sudden cold causes him to flinch, but doesn't fight back, since he's too tired.

"Don't worry about it."

He doesn't really care either way. Let the kid hate him—he understands why, at least.

"We sh-should go back. I-I have m-medicine for you."

Sasuke nods. He tries not to lean most of his weight against her, but that drink completely drained whatever little energy he had left. Soon, his blurry vision turns black.

**0000**

_He shouldn't be here._

_This place is for the weak of heart, and he is not weak. _

_But he still is seven, and he is terrified. Wide, black eyes wonder over each person passing him by with a sea of mix emotions crashing over him. The most dominate of them is the rage and fear he has beating in him. He looks up at his adoptive father's girlfriend to see if she could somehow take him away from this place. She always gives in to his needs._

_But when her light brown eyes meet his', a surge of doubt is palpable enough to feel. Rin moves her bangs away from her eyes, but that's just a way to distract herself as she let them hang over her face just soon after._

_Sasuke gulps and looks at Kakashi. Because of this mask, he shows nothing, and that makes the little boy a bit mad, but the tension around his shoulders tells the boy a lot of how the man is feeling at the moment._

_He shouldn't be here—_they _shouldn't be here._

_A mental hospital isn't a place for a little kid. But, what the hell does he know; he's only seven years old. Yet, he's smart enough to know that they're nervous not because they're going to leave the little boy for some stupid evaluation, but the because of the person they're going to visit._

_Kakashi had said he had met the man before. Sasuke doesn't remember ever meeting someone by his description, but he's an Uchiha—an outcast, like him. That's the constant reminder that keeps the little boy from tearing his hair out._

_And when the door opens, is like tons of weight has been added to their shoulders. Sasuke looks at the man walking in with security right behind him. He looks at his dark eyes, his dark hair and feels a strange since of nostalgia. But then he sees the rage when his eyes meet Kakashi then Rin's._

_And all he could is stand there in shock as the delirious man runs at Rin, and attacks her without any hit of motivation._

_He shouldn't be here._

_This isn't for him._

_But the emotions he saw on that man looked so familiar, that the voice in the head doesn't even bother to scoff at his attempts of emotional freedom, because Sasuke knows that he is just like that him. He belongs here._

_How pathetic._

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**Please leave a review, if you'd like. I really miss you guys. Ah! Don't worry, I won't abandon this fic.**


	6. Chapter 6

The next three chapters will be very short, about five pages each, simply because they each are in other character's perspective. And because I decided to separate the sections into chapters, this story will now have twenty chapters. This will also happen in future chapters to come, but the rest, and longer ones, will continue to be in Sasuke's POV.

Oh, and if you're a Duararara fan, please check out the story I have up for it (shameless ad is shamelesss). I want to see if that style of story telling is good enough, because I after I finish with this, I want to do another SasuHina fic. Anyway, thank you all for the kind reviews; I missed them so much!

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Separatus

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It's a sad thing when one looks at the world as if it has no purpose. An empty shell is all that's left of the person you used to be and it's hard to distinguish between the reality of your persona and the one you use for others. Little people can see through the disguise and it makes the feeling more pronounce and very, very painful.

Hinata has felt this way for years on end. The only reason she has survived this long without the sensation eating away at her is because of Neji-niisan and Hanabi-chan. Her siblings are her only reason to live. To encourage her cousin to chase his dreams—to run away from this place to go live with his girlfriend. To constantly protect her sister from the sharper end of her father's anger. That has been her purpose throughout her life, but since Neji's disappearance, it has been much harder to endure the pain of her everyday life.

Maybe that's why she started to hurt herself. The stinging pain balanced out the emotional, and she felt better for a bit. But the after taste was more embarrassment and hidden rage that she refuses to let out, because then her mask would break and everybody would see how truly pathetic she is.

She had thought how long it would take before she eventually breaks, before she finally accepted that her life is of no use — has no purpose. What was the point of living if life constantly stabbed her in the heart? Hanabi had been the one who stops those dangerous ideas.

But she wasn't happy. Her sister was always out of the house, to escape otou-sama, to escape her. In her mind, Hinata thought that Hanabi was better off without her in the way.

But something happened. More specifically, Sasuke came into her life.

She could best describe her situation as a silver lining beneath angry thunder clouds, because that is exactly what it was. The Uchiha frightened her; he always had. He saw through people and saw them for who they truly were. It was unnerving whenever his dark eyes just glazed over as he began to examine the person he was watching.

For some reason, whenever he saw something he didn't like, he always picked on that person until they were nothing more than the living dead. She avoided him at all cost. She tried to blend in, tried to keep his eyes away from her. It worked for a few years, until…

He must have seen something in her he didn't like, and he picked on her because of it and left her more broken than before. She didn't bother to speak with anybody, she always locked herself in her room, and the cutting became worse. For a while, he had completely destroyed what little sanity she had left.

Whatever happened between the few months after that incident must have changed him because he seemed sorry…after a while. Eventually that initial fear and hatred she had for him began to ebb away slowly, but surely. Somewhere along the way she fell in love. His friendship and lack of judgment and his honest worry and his subtle gesture of tenderness has helped her heal. There are still parts of her old self that creep in when she least expects, but it's almost none existent. Why? Why him of all people?

Hinata had always thought Naruto would be her first everything. She had dreams of him giving her a chance, and then they would kiss and get married and have beautiful children. But she had always noticed the way he looked at Sakura—the way she would look at him back.

Sakura-san had always been false on her feelings for Sasuke. The smiles she gives Naruto-kun always stopped Hinata from thinking that Naruto would be better off with her, because that isn't true. So, she was content just looking at from afar. Seeing his bright smile and positive attitude is good enough for her.

So, why Sasuke? He and Naruto are complete opposites; where Naruto smiled at everything and everyone, Sasuke glared at anyone who wasn't Naruto or Sakura. He avoids people and unnecessary conversation and rarely speaks. Naruto has a husky voice that sounds almost girlish, but Sasuke a deep rich voice that causes every girl to swoon. She wasn't attracted to him at all, so why?

She still doesn't know the answer to it, but maybe it's because on the rare occasion he does smile, he reserves that for her only, and in her heart it makes her ecstatic that she is the only one that can make him smile that small, genuine grin of his. Once she saw it, she became addicted to see those lips quirk up.

Or maybe when he laughs at her antics, even if she pretends to be embarrassed, makes her heart flutter like a butterfly. Those are more addicting than his smiles.

She honestly doesn't know why she fell in love with this guy, but figures that maybe it doesn't matter. He makes her happy, and vice-versa.

Maybe that's why she did what she yesterday night. Seeing him sit there all alone with an empty bottle of alcohol in his hand, Hinata acted on impulse. She just missed him so much, and hearing how much in pain he is burdened her. She always knew Sasuke had something in his past constantly chasing him, but once she saw how vulnerable he was at that moment, hurt her more than any blows or insults her father gives her.

Now…

Hinata sighs, briefly shutting her eyes as she redirects her sights from her window to the boy sleeping next to her. Her hand hovers over heart as it begins to beat faster. There he goes again, making her heart go into frenzy. Now he gives her another reason to love him more.

When Sasuke is sleeping he looks younger, as if all his worries are left forgotten, which is strange, since he had told her of the nightmares he has. But maybe the medicine she had given him let him sleep better. But he really does look like a normal teenager, instead of one who's wise beyond their years.

And, he looks…cute.

And because of the last few hours since he blacked, she began thinking of what he had suggested. Hinata, no matter how much he had hurt her, loves her father, and he loves his children as well. She hears Hiashi cry every night, apologizing to the shrine of her mother's and ends up sleeping right next to it. Her father is just a bitter man who blames his daughters' for the death of his wife.

Hinata knows it isn't her fault, but every time she tries to remember her mother, the memory of her death is more piercing than any other. She relives that moment constantly and winces every time she sees her mother slowly take her last breath.

Her father loves his children, but he hates them as well.

But…she knows the more he looks at her face, the more he detests her, and Hinata doesn't want to die. And she can see how affected Sasuke is because of her sudden disappearance—she was just healing and didn't bother to tell anyone because they would have question her none stop, and Sasuke would have done something rash. She's sorry, but seeing him again, the way he was desperately convincing her, made her realize that…

She needs help. The one person she trusts and loves is offering it with no strings attached, so she'll take it.

Hinata is so locked in her thoughts, she doesn't see Sasuke stare at her until she feels his hand wrap around her wrist. Moving her eyes towards her purple comforter, she blushes. She hears him make a breathy chuckle and she's not sure whether to be happy or embarrassed.

Hinata uses her free hand to tuck her long bang behind her ear. "A-Are you feeling better?"

She hears him grunt.

Hesitantly, Hinata looks at him again. She's relieved that he's not staring at her, but at the ceiling, probably lost in his own thoughts. Being near him after months makes her slightly nervous, yet she can feel that silent courage start to creep in once again. She doesn't need smiles or words to make her brave, from Sasuke, all she needs his small gestures of encouragement, or love, or shyness—knowing her so well has made Sasuke so in tune of her feelings that he doesn't need much to set her off.

It's a good thing, because now she can say what's she going to say without doubt or reluctance.

"Sasuke-kun?" He looks at her, and her heart begins to flutter. But she tries to ignore it as she raises her finger to her mouth. "I need you to listen to me before you say anything else, okay?"

He furrows his brows, but nods.

Sighing, Hinata nods. "You're right. I need…t-to go." Sasuke opens his mouth, but Hinata stops him with a raise of her hand. "But, S-Sasuke-kun, I can't go the way you want me. My otou-sama will be very a-a-angry if I go live with Sakura, or in your h-house." She shakes her head. "He knows da-dangerous people who will do things, and…"

They will end up killing them. She stays silent for a minute as she tries to keep the tears from bursting.

"B-But wh-what I can do is go live s-somewhere he or his people can't d-do anything. It has to be safe and a place he can't do things. Otherwise, I can't leave. And…" she blushes as she now looks away from him. "I don't want to go a-a-alone."

When he doesn't answer, Hinata's lavender eyes stare back at him, except he's looking back at the ceiling, lost in his thoughts again. He's lightly biting his lip as he thinks. The action looks cute, and she has to hold back a smile at his expression.

She can trust Sasuke. Whatever he says, she knows it will work out.

So when he briefly closes his eyes, sighing as if the idea is a bad one, she knows that no matter what she'll go through with it. She needs to get away—she needs help.

"I know who can help us."

His tone has a slightly bitter, but his words catch her off guard. "Us?"

He nods. "I don't want to leave you alone again, and…I don't want to be alone either, especially where we're going."

"W-What i-is it?"

The nervous seeping out her voice makes Sasuke sit up. He lowers the hand on her wrist to her hand and gives her a gentle squeeze. "I've been there before," he shakes his head. "It wasn't a good experience for me, but I need help, and you need help, and I trust Kakashi."

"Your otou-san?"

"Don't ask questions yet. Just tell your sister to pack her stuff, and let's go."

Hinata, nervous, yet excited to finally have a chance to escape this place, hugs this boy who is willing to go through hell once again, just to protect her and her sister.

When they let go of each other, she nods, smiling so wide her cheeks begin to hurt. "Okay."

**0000**

_She wants to hate him so much, yet she can't._

_When he beats her, when he insults her, when he hit her siblings, she used all her willpower to end this stupid bond she had with him, but she couldn't._

_Why, she would ask herself. Why doesn't she do it? It would be easier to endure his endless rage—easier to ignore the feeling of agony whenever he calls her murderer, worthless. But she can't, and she doesn't know why._

_She eventually figures it out._

_One, accidental incident caused her to change her opinion of her father. Earlier that day he had bruised her all over, and stumbled all the way out her room after he finished. She had the sudden urge to visit her mother's shrine, something she had never done._

_Why? She yet doesn't know._

_But she went down in the dark bottom floor, and walked all the way to her mother, but as she reaches the doors, the sound on the other side stops her in her tracks._

_She hears her father wail and wail, shout and beg for forgiveness. He says to okaa-san that he loves his daughters and that he's sorry for treating them this way. But he is angry and he can't control himself. So he continues to beg and beg to a picture of a woman who had long ago already forgiven their daughters._

_She becomes angry at the former shell of a man she used to respect, but she too begins to cry. It hurts seeing him like this and it hurts knowing how much she still cares for him._

_She wants to hate him, and she realizes that she has the power and will to end all ties._

_But she refuses._

_She goes back to her room with burning hatred for her father's actions, but realizes that he is still her father and that is something she can't despise him for. It would be useless to use her energy on an emotion that would never appear._

_So she'll stop and take his abuse, because he is pain and…_

_Because she loves her otou-san._


End file.
